Interview with James, Alana’s Personal Trainer

Summary

In this episode of HQAF Radio, Francis and Alana interview James Higgins of Your Coach James. He describes what the Functional Movement Screen is and helps Francis decipher Alana’s results from her first screen in January and her second one in July.  Visit James’ website at: https://yourcoachjames.com. If you enjoyed this episode and want to try out personal training with James, use code HQAF Radio to get 10% off your first package of sessions!

Transcription

Interview with James

Alana: So all of this will  contain really hilarious stories about me and my personal journey through PR to personal fitness and becoming an average human being in terms of strength.

Please always feel free to just  communicate with us and let us know. Oh, that’s maybe not something I want exactly. Three people to hear. Um, I can’t preface this enough or lean into this enough, how very few people listen to this. But. But, you know, you never know, honestly, we got a lot of engagement with our last personal fitness episode.   This may reach a lot more people than you might find. So very excited. 

Before we get into the interview, I did have a funny story to share. So I’m not sure if it was last week or the week before, but I was working out with James,  my amazing personal trainer who’s online today.

And he was walking me through this new exercise and it was. A very different kind of exercise. And,  I’m  being held up with these straps and I was doing this sort of exercise to go and worked out my legs, but in this different kind of way and where I had support by using my arms and the straps.

So I was in the standing position and James was trying to explain to me how to  move in the motion for this workout. And it just wasn’t a landing. And so James being the incredible personal trainer that he is, he’s using different ways to explain it to me. And so one way he explained it to me was, have you ever jobs before?

And I said no. And he said, well, have you ever, gone for a run? And I said, absolutely not. I don’t run or jog to anyone or anything, people or things jog to me. I just started laughing and that truly is how I lead my life. I don’t go to very many things, if anything, at all, most things come to me because I’m that kind of person. I bring out that kind of energy, but I was excited because two days ago I realized I was on a walk and it started to rain.

This crazy thunderstorm. In a blink of an eye started coming down and I started to run and then I excitedly emailed James seeing, oh my God, I ran today for the first time of my own volition to get out of the rain. And I just thought, James it’s working, obviously look at me, bawling, tiering to run and jog on my own time.

I mean, wow. I didn’t run for very long. Be endured. Not there, but I felt like I could’ve, if I wanted to maybe stretch it a little bit longer, if I had willed myself a little bit more. 

Francis: Alana and I have this sort of joke where we talk about how she’d be the easiest person to kidnap, because she’s just so weak and she’s just so slow. 

Alana: Yes, I would literally die if someone attacked me. Because I would just go, okay, game over. I’m done. I’m just like, this is it. It’s over. No rhyme or reason.

James’ Background

Francis:  And so this is why it’s  exciting for us to have you here today, James, especially me who knows Alana’s backstory. You know, she tried to help me move once and all she could muster was six pillows. Um, and so  for her to undergo this journey of becoming a  fitter person this year I wanted to bring you on to show.

Yeah. Yeah. Talk more about where you see her as the professional here.  So  to start things off, can you tell us a little bit more about your background and your focus as a personal trainer and what your certifications are? 

James: Sure thing.  So first off let me just say that while I am  a member of several organizations, I’m not here to represent either of them, that’s just a disclaimer that I feel should be announced and put in front of me before I go to the detail there. 

 So, I had been working at a physical therapy clinic Advantage Physical Therapy in Falls Church, for close to about six years in September. So for half that time, I was a PT technician. I would assist patients going through their exercise, get them set up on different machines, teach them new exercises, teach them correct form with either new exercises they’re doing or how to correct. If we identified any errors while they’re doing exercises, they were reassigned. So that really was the start of my kind of journey into being a personal trainer because it taught me an appreciation for how critical good form is and how critical it is to be in the right position, to do the right motions, to get the right results. So, first and foremost, I see myself as a clinical slash personal trainer because I try to incorporate my personal training certifications into that same practice. So I still support the clinic, even though I’m the clinic manager.

Now I do support them with patient care a good deal amount of time. And then I also approach train my clients with that same kind of philosophy where it doesn’t matter how much we’re lifting. It doesn’t matter how many reps we do necessarily as long as we do it well. And that’s why quality of movement is so important.

And now kind of become a kind of common theme as I go into detail about some of the certifications I have.  First and foremost,  my principal certification, the one that I practice under the most is what’s called the CSCs hyphen and S. Uh, lots of letters in there. That stands for Certified Strength Conditioning Specialist through the National Strength Conditioning Association.

 That’s considered  one of the gold standard certifications for personal training simply because it is a postgraduate level certification. Really almost on the level of almost like a master’s level.  With the NSCA, we consider every person in the athlete. It doesn’t matter how old, how young or what their training status is. Everyone is an athlete just at various levels of training status. So even Allana who came to me. When we did our initial consultation, just to get some more information of what her goals were, where she’s coming from.

And she looked at me dead pan and said, I have never worked out in my life. And I said, come on, you have to have done something. You had to maybe do like a sport in school or maybe like, just play around with friends when you were younger? She’s like, I do nothing. Um, so I was like, okay. She’s like, do you think you could train me? And I was like, I know I can. We’re probably going to start on a lower level and work our way up. And that’s the approach I take with all my clients. It doesn’t matter how old or what level of training we have. The important thing is we address the goals of the client.

And first and foremost, we look at them and see, where are they now? And how do we get from point a to point B. 

Clients

Francis:  What kind of people do you deal with on a day-to-day basis? 

James:   I work with  a variety of clients.  Most of my clientele comes  from patients who have graduated from physical therapy especially from our clinic and they get siphoned to me.  That’s not to say that. Yeah. Totally upheld by my dealings with the clinic, but I do see myself as a post rehab personal trainer.

And so the distinction, there is a lot of my clientele have some form of orthopedic condition, whether that’s a hip replacement, knee replacement, shoulder replacement, rotator cuff tear, you name it, I’ve worked with it, whether it was in the clinic directly assisting with patients. Or after they graduated from PT and started seeing.

One of the number one reasons why I see clients right, is unfortunately a lot of insurance companies may limit access to physical therapy or restrict benefits, physical therapy. And I’d rather not go into that kind of detail there, but suffice to say that sometimes people have limitations.

That’s not necessarily determined by the individual.  The whole that my Clinic and I determined is there’s a lot of these patients who have to stop doing physical therapy, but may not be ready to stop. And so I became the bridge between function and performance, where a function is.

Are you able to do the things you need to do and performance being? Are you able to do the things that you want to do? And so once they meet those functional limits or functional capacity measures for insurance and turns basically would  discontinue coverage, because it’s like, ah, you know what?

You can walk in your community. You can walk between rooms and your house. We don’t really care about stairs, whatever. You can do the things you need to do to be alive. 

Francis: Yeah. You can do the bare minimum of living from day to day. 

James: Exactly. So you can do the bare minimum. So you’re good. And then I’ve had clients who, especially older clients who are like, I really want to play pickup. And that led me down an interesting path of quite frankly, what the heck is pickleball is kind of like wall ball mixed with squash mixed with tennis. It’s an interesting kind of mix there. Um, but I, yeah, I’ve had two clients who were in their late fifties, early sixties. They’re were like, we still want to play pickleball together. And our insurance going to cover more, it’s like, Let’s start training for pickleball.

Let me watch a few videos of it and see how I can help you. 

 Francis: so, in that situation where they at a certain level of fitness that they just didn’t feel like they could play pickle ball, like I’m like, where are you helping them achieve? Okay. So w at that point it was more like personal 

James: Exactly. It was, it was more like personal training because as we identified, yes, you can stand up and sit down. Yes, you can walk on flat surfaces, but you can’t go into a deep squat. You can’t go into a side lunge. You can’t maybe coordinate the movement of swinging the racket while at the same time doing a squatter lunch.

And so that’s where we started working. We started to identify where your, where you, we.  And then how we build up those weak spots to the point where we can train and really focused on sports specific or activity specific training.

Alana’s First FMS Screen

Francis:  I’ve got the first FMS, uh, is it a test test assessment, um, that you did of Allana and I guess just based is what you’re talking about.   So do you use this to assess a person’s, um, sort of functional, like seeing if they can do all dysfunctional  movement that you were talking about and then  if they score a certain point in this report, then that’s when you  moved them over to the personal training.

Is that how that works?  

James: Not quite. Uh, so the FMS, the functional movement screen is used to identify an individual’s global stability and mobile. As well as local mobility and stability. And so when we look at the movement pyramid as set forth by functional movement systems, which is the foundation that created  the functional moving screen. We look for general mobility and stability.

Can you move, can you balance, can you stabilize in and out of movement or through ranges of motion affecting. And if yes, great. We go to the next tier, which is general conditioning. Do you have the capacity to train, whether it’s strength, endurance,  stability you, can you train effectively for this?

And if yes. Great. Now we go to the tip of the pyramid, which is movement specific or sports specific or activity specific movements. So in order for us to progress up to the point, Yeah. Say Alanna’s only goal was I wanna be able to lift that heavy Amazon box and walk into the house. Well, we will assess that, right?

The FMS has meant to assess, can you move as well as the average person so that we can even start training for that. And quite frankly, when I first met with with Alon  back in June, The answer was no she did fail the FMS the first time round, but failing is never a bad thing.

Failing just tells us what do we need to work on in order to get you to the average mobility and average stability of an individual. So that way we can focus on more general strength conditioning so that we can progress into that specific goal of what you want to get done. 

Francis: I see. So in terms of Alanna’s goal of, and I’m looking at the different patterns that are on the report right now what would you focus on in terms of trying to get her to lift a package from her doorway and going up the stairs? 

 James:  Before we get into that, let’s actually talk about him yet to score the FMS.  All the FMS is scored on a four point scale zero to three, a zero indicates that there’s pain with a movement. And thus it’s not within the purview of a personal trainer to really work on.

There’s some wiggle room on that, quite frankly. I mean, it’s supposed to be a referral to a medical professional. I’m not saying that I’m a medical professional or practitioner but I’ve worked with enough PTs that I know some quick fixes on how to adjust, move and patterns in order to help mitigate or decrease pain like symptoms or pain generating movement patterns.

So right off the bat. That zero means we should definitely have her take a look at, and I would always recommend going to see an orthopedist or a PT if we have consistent pain with a movement pattern, because that means there’s something that’s not working effectively or efficiently, and we need to get that addressed. Now a one on the test means that you cannot do the movement pattern while even performing compensations. So the classic one, there would be for your deep squat. If you’re having your hands above your head. And the goal is to keep your hands over your ankle while at the same time, maintaining a parallel line between your torso and your shoe.

If you’re completely unable to do that, you keep bowing forward and the stick keeps dipping forward. While you’re holding your hands above your head. We’d have to score that as one, even if we adjust your position by putting your heels up on us, a supporting structure, like the board, the testing board, if you’re completely unable to do that, we mark it as a one.

And that tells us, okay, this is going to be a critical pattern. We need to. Because you can not deep squat as an average person. And then if squat, arguably is one of the most fundamental patterns for Alana’s goal of picking the package up, because the safest way to get a package up is to squat down, have the package right between your legs and row that package to your chest.

So we can stand up and walk that package in the door, 

Francis: Right. 

James: the RAF, the bat, that’s one of the ones we want to look at, and that’s why we have the big three as they’re called the deep sea. The hurdle step in the inline lunch. Cause those are global stability and mobility patterns that we want to take a look at.

And the important thing there is, yeah, we talked about deep squat, the hurdle stuff, the inline lunge. You’re not often in these positions. You’re not often. Having to go with a narrow base of support, trying to do a lunge, like pattern or in the hurdle step. We have to pick your foot up over a certain height and control it back and forth.

But that’s also the purpose of the FMS. We don’t want to give you patterns that you can easily train. Instead, we want to put you in a position ones that are awkward or at the extreme ranges of motion, because when you display your errors in those patterns, it makes it abundantly clear. Yes. This is where you have an energy leak or an energy block.

We can’t move that angle more because of X, Y, or Z, and that X, Y, or Z reasoning, it gets broken out further. When we do our smaller tests, our shoulder mobiles. Active, straight leg, raise our trunk stability, pushup, and our rotary stability tests, because if you’re doing a deep squat and all we can say is you can’t squat, but is that because the hip is restricted, the ankles restricted, or the hip or ankle  stability to control you as you go through that squatting pattern, those are all very critical, but it’s hard to tell exactly from that one test.

And that’s why we give a back. 

Francis: I see. So this is meant to be very comprehensive to see  where you might need to focus on the body that’s really causing you that issue. 

James: Exactly. And so that’s why I love the FMS too, because I’m a certified functional movement screen level one and two I’ve accessed their pro app, which allows me to conduct these evaluations very easily, type them into the computer, generate these score.

They also have to give feedback on it. So one of the things we look at out of the report is the inland lunch, right? She passed, she got a two on the right, but she got a one on the left, which means she is not ready to train in that pattern because the left side one, we have an asymmetry. If your left and right side are not congruent, not have the same score, that right there is a warning light for, okay.

We need to address this. . To make sure we can train the individual up and get equal balance, equal stability and mobility on both sides. 

Francis:  I think you said there’s this scoring from zero to three. What would it mean if she had a three in any of these? Because right now the highest score I see is two. 

James: Yes. So a three means you move above average, right?  Well, you’ll see you later on in her July assessment Elena’s got a three on both sides of the shoulder mobility, right? So while we were training her shoulder mobility improved from a one to a three, which is a pretty significant jump. And that means that she’s got above average shoulder mobility now, which is great.

It means at some points we might be a little worried if we see consistent mobility testing above Cause that might indicate something like a hypermobility issue. But the fact that we saw improvement means that we got her thoracic spine and her lumbar spine and her cervical spine to all loosen up in terms of range of motion and accomplish that task of getting the hands as close as we can behind her back.

And that’s the testing measure there? 

Francis: Oh, awesome. Okay, cool. 

James: Yep. And so you just means your average, which is all we really want for the FMS. If you’re average, if you score two in each of those subjects, awesome. We can train with no issue. 

Francis: Okay. So, based off of her January score and let me know if I’m maybe reading this right basis of what you told me, it looks like  you would want to focus on the inline lunge.  It looks like between her left and her right, there’s a little bit of a strength discrepancy there. You were going to focus on her shoulder and mobility and then also on the active, straight leg raise, those are the focus areas that based off of this report that you would work on. 

James: Exactly. Yes. So we would address the asymmetry between her inline lunge with the right and left. And then with the shoulder mobility and active straight leg raise, those are also the two mobility based testing. For the FMS. So the fact that she scored one on both of those told us that she had a lot of restriction that walked motion, whether that was true muscular tension, where the muscle is shortened and needs to be lengthened over time through stretching, or if there is a kind of an event called gardening, which is a neuromuscular phenomenon where the nervous system hyper regulates, or basically turns the muscle on so much that it restricts motion, even though there’s no tightness. And actually what we found out during the consultation is that Alana did actually have an injury to her ankle. She had to be in PT for a while to get that addressed. But she still always said she felt tight and stiff on that one side, which actually perfectly describes why she would have a discrepancy between her left and right side on the inline lunge. 

Francis: Yeah. 

James: And then that also tells us that, okay, if the ankle is tight or I should say stiff because we found that was more neuromuscular driven. That in turn can put tension on muscles upstream. It could also be an explanation why her active, straight leg raise was  a lower score because the tension in the fascial connections between the calf and the hamster.

For the fact that she has a naturally tight hamstrings would have prevented the active, straight leg raise to improve.

So quite a lot. I was expecting to hear from you.

Alana: Yeah. Well, I mean, this is just all confirming all of the stories that I’ve told him. Um, so I’m like living for this because, cause he was like, how can you have, how can you be mentally blocked from exercising? See the professionals. I literally willed myself to never work out or like exercise or exert my energy in any capacity.

And 30 years later that has been detrimental to my ability to even baseline be an average person. But yeah, no, I’m just like grinning all kinds of ways. Like, see it’s real. 

Francis: Um, okay, well, so I did want to ask you Alana what is, what was your reaction after you getting  this report? Like, how did you feel about what you had seen or what you and James had gone over at that point? 

Alana: The first report or the second 

Francis: The first one, uh, we’ll get into the second one in a bit, but you, I, and you, and I never really talked about this report?

Now that I know more. Yeah. 

Alana: Yeah. Yeah. So the first report, the results did not surprise me. So ultimately I did fail. I think you have to get, what is it, James? 14 points two

James: 14,

Alana: right? 14 out of 21. And I think I scored a nine in that initial

11. Oh, okay. Yeah. Look at that. I’m stronger than I realized.

Francis: hold on. I actually, I didn’t even realize that you could have a total score. So what does it mean if you fail altogether? 

James: Yeah. So that’s a great question. So if you fell together, we start with moving. So the food pyramid dictates that we do mobility and stability training first. So we just mentioned how we use the big three, the deep squat hurdle step in inline lunge in order to assess that global mobility and stability where the remaining four shoulder mobility active straight leg raise trunk stability, pushup, and rotary stability, assess local mobility and stability. So if we had somebody who scored once across the entire board that tells us, we start at the very base of the pyramid and we only work on mobility first. So we would have a stretch stretching base program and maybe some light, core strengthening and balance training, just to make sure that we’re reinforcing good movement patterns.

And when I say good, I mean, effective and efficient movements. And making sure that we’re making the most use of what we can do. And that’s quite frankly, that’s where we started with with Alana is because of those ones, the mobility, shoulder mobility and active straight leg raise. Easily half our sessions were teaching her different stretches, different ways to help mobilize the tissue around the edge.

Um, and, uh, uh, I can quite, uh, what my philosophy there is. I want to spend the least amount of time on that because  techniques, there are, I would say fairly remedial and that’s not a bad way. That’s not saying like, oh man, like, why am I wasting my time doing this? But it’s much more of these are things you can do on your own at home.

And what I typically do is I’ll introduce these techniques to my clients and have them, work with me once. Well, definitely two or three times before. I say like, all right, here’s your home exercises in order for us to progress, you need to do these at home while you’re not seeing me so that when you’re here seeing me, we can do the higher level training.

And so that’s what I did with Elena. I sent her home with probably about a three or four page document that just had detailed pictures and explanations of the movements I wanted her to do. And when you look at the inline lunge, the biggest thing we talked about is doing We call half kneeling, uh, half, half kneeling, ankle rocking.

So if you picture yourself with one knee down to the ground and the other foot in front of you. You just rock back and forth over the ankle while holding yourself upright with a pole. So the idea there is you’re in a very stable position, your foot’s planted, you’re holding on to something rigid.

You’re pushing down on that pole in order to help get your stabilization of your core and your lats. And you can just focus all your effort over just sliding and gliding over top of your ankle. 

And so that’s important because that right there that’ll tell us, do you have. A tension in the muscle. Do you have tightness that needs to be stretched out or do you have that neuromuscular guardian? Okay. The distinction there is if you stretch, right?  Whether it’s a passive stretch, like I’m doing the stretching for Alana, or if I sent her home with a bunch of stretches and she did them on her own, and she has muscular tension, those muscles are tight for whatever reason, maybe she was working in an office setting where she had to wear heels.

That’s a very common issue for women. Why women might have tight calves, right? Because those calves are continuously in a shortened position they’re activated. And if you’re wearing heels for eight hours a day, you’re wearing heels for hours. That’s eight hours a day of those calves being shortened. So yeah, that’s little lead to tightness there that can be resolved through stress, but in the event of neuromuscular guarding, that is actually counterintuitive, right?

If we give you a lot of stretches, your body is actually probably going to tense up more because gardening is your brains ability and safety mechanism to basically make sure you don’t go into dangerous ranges of motion. And so it’s very common, especially with post-injury post-surgical patients and clients alike because your brain has recovered from an injury or I’m sorry, your body’s recovering injury and your brain’s thinking, man, it really hurt that one time.

So we’re going to make sure we can’t do that again so we don’t get hurt. And the trade-off there is yes the muscle stiffens and locks down the joint to prevent movement because it thinks its helping the muscles is thinks it’s helping the joint. But in reality, by restricting that range of motion, you’re going to lead to compensations in other ways.

So one of the things we found is a Alonda is very prone to pain in the knees. And that can be because if her ankles not, we call translating or gliding appropriately. That means the hip and knee had to do more bending in order to get the same amount of. Which means you have to bend the knee more. You have to flex at the hip more just to squat down and reach that package on the ground.

As opposed to, if the ankle is moving freely, you could rely on the ankle to do most of the work and get you there. And then the knees only have to bend once the ankle runs out of motion than the hip bends. When your knee runs out of emotion. 

Francis: I see it. It’s almost like you’ve conditioned yourself to move a certain way because you’ve learned like one way of movement is just too painful or what have you. 

James: That’s actually a perfect way of describing it. Yeah. Conditioning, because it very much is a condition process. Your body is in the mindset of this is the way you do it. We have to do it this way. And then the only way to do that is to trick your brain and say like, Hey, look, you know how you said you, we can’t glide.

I’m in a stable position and I’m gliding just fine. And then your brain is like, oh, um, we can’t do that. Okay. Now we’re going to reduce that neural tone. And now those muscles are going to relax a little bit and allow for more range. 

 Alana: At the beginning of our journey together, James, I remember perfectly our first couple of sessions, how we were just we’re focusing on and working on very basic things. I remember one of our very first sessions was me just sitting down and standing. Because that range of motion and because I’ve just never really been introduced to any personal fitness in any capacity.

And also I had an injury that was the baseline. That those were just some of the extra layers you have to work your way up and teach yourself to learn that you can make those motions, that you can function in other ways, other than a purely existing as I had for 30 years. 

Mental Blocks

Francis: So James since you’ve been working with a lot of, since January, and it actually  gets me to my next question, because a lot of that, I talked about this in the last episode. Last time we had talked about physical fitness and she thought she might have a mental block in general, a very general mental block to physical activity.

She recalls a time that gosh, what was it? A lot of like, you, you almost try to have you had her like carry 15 pounds, like up a step or something like that. And she reacted very negatively to it. 

Alana: Yeah. I said, what is that? What am I, what, why are you lifting and putting that there? Am I going to be interacting with that? And then you said, no. Have to hold it and step up. And I said, why? And then I said, no, I’m pretty sure. And he had said, come on, let’s at least give it a try. You didn’t even step up yet.

You don’t even know if it will be, it may not be hard at all. You don’t have to live to your you’re not doing like a curl or anything. You’re just holding it up as you step up.

James: Just walk this, hold the weight and start setting.

Alana: And just lift yourself. Yeah. So to that end James is, do I have a mental block? I have been saying yes. And that is what has led me to the way that I am today and what you were undoing now. But yeah. What is the professional opinion on.

James: So it’s a little outside my scope to definitively say, yes, you have something in your, something in your brain is definitively blocking your ability to do something. Cause quite frankly, right. That’s the purview of, of a psychologist or it’s like, yeah, it’s like, high-trust right. Not saying you need one, but in my experience, and in working with clients, Um, you can absolutely have a mental block to activity, right?

It’s not so much that you’re thinking, oh, I’m just never gonna do it. Why should I bother necessarily? It can be much more of that. What we call fear avoidance in physical therapy, right. You’re afraid that a certain motion is going to cause pain or going to cause a stretch or going to cause some kind of negative.

Emotion or negative effect and therefore we avoid doing it. So fear avoidance, again, it goes hand in hand with muscle guarding. It’s super common with patients and clients who have recovered from injury or recovered from surgery because, it goes back to I’ve been hurt before, or I have felt pain before and I don’t like pain, so I don’t want to do.

And it goes hand in hand with the waiver release those muscles under neural tension. When you have the guardian, you have to start small and just demonstrate to the brain. Yes, you can do this. And actually that’s a very interesting segue into, is it all in your head, right? Again, it’s outside my purview as a personal trainer say, yeah, it’s all in your head.

Just, deal with that kind of thing. But what I can say is even though that may sound like it, even though it may say it sounded like, yeah. Okay. Just get past that block and we’ll work through it. That’s definitely not the case. And this really speaks to a relatively newer philosophy.

That’s been adopted to a lot of medical fields. Is that mind, body connection, right? Not to get super new agey, but there’s a lot of credence and a lot of research that’s backing up. That’s the idea that your brain, your unconscious or conscious brain can affect your physical body. And in this case, it’s the guardian.

It’s the fear avoidance. that’s not to say like, okay, well just, you know, think you can do it. You’re good because that’s not how it works. It’s you have to teach the brain to do something. You have to teach the body to do the same thing. So they w they can communicate effectively. And that’s where you get that crossover of, is it in your head?

Okay. Maybe is it solely your body? Probably not. It’s some combination of the two, 

Francis: I guess, you know, I’m thinking back to my own, exercise experience. And so how would, you know, when you’re exercising that you’ve  truly hit the limit of what your body can do? Like to the point where you’re almost about to injure yourself too, maybe  you’re just on a very hard run and you’re just  Exercising, maybe to your limits, but not  to the point of injury.

Cause it seems to me like there’s probably a very thin line there where it’s your mind just telling you. Okay. You, you’re very, just very uncomfortable right now. You can just keep going, um, through this run for another minute to, you know, like you’re, you’re really approaching dangerous territory. 

James: That’s a really question. Right? And so the answer to that really is listening to your body and understanding your body’s limits, right? Pain is always going to be the biggest teacher, because if we have pain, that’s your body’s way of saying we did too. Even if the brain says, oh, we probably could have squeezed another repor two out.

If your body feels pain after a workout or during a workout, it’s telling you it’s too much, right. It’s exceeding its capacity for right now. Now, if you feel sore a day or two after your workout, that’s perfectly normal. In fact, that’s, that’s actually the hallmark of a good workout because that correlates with something called delayed onset muscle soreness or doms.

And that happens. For most people, about 24 hours some people a little bit longer. I’m personally a 36 hour person. I work out say Monday evening, it is guaranteed Wednesday morning. I’m going to feel sore. That’s just how my body reacts to, to exercise. Different people will respond differently and certainly people with lower train status are generally more sensitive to that soreness.

And may even say like, I’m actually in pain. I can’t do it. Because your body’s basically in shock of what we did and that actually speaks to a kind of what’s happening on a physiological level. So in order to build muscle in order to get stronger in order to build a Durham. When you work out and you feel sore, especially appropriate soreness with Dom’s a two to a one to two days later, you’re literally tearing your muscles open.

Now you’re creating, what’s called micro tears, very, very small tears.  You ever seen a piece of meat? You can see that  there are lines that run in consistent patterns down a cut of meat. Your muscle Australia, the same way. And so in order to grow that muscle, you’re causing tears along those seams, for lack of a better word and they’re cells from what we call the basement layer below the muscle that go in and populate those tapes.

And that’s what causes expansion of muscle. You’re literally  filling the holes with new cells. And that’s what creates bulk that’s what creates a leaner appearance or more definition.  It’s hard for people of have lower training statuses. And that’s why I always encourage my clients, especially like Ilana to take it easy the first few times.

And I even told her the first two or three sessions, you may be bored. Because we’re gonna do some low level stuff. We’re gonna focus on mobility. We’re gonna do some minor stabilization training. We’re gonna do some balanced training. And that’s about it. The first few times she lifted. It’s like, so that’s all like, that’s like, what am I gonna get stronger?

And it’s like, well, we have a lot of work. Before we worry about getting stronger.

Alana: Well, that’s very sweet James, but that. because when I was just sitting down and sitting up, I was like, oh, really? That’s it. But I did come away. Like I was sweating. I was tired. Like I was sore, which I thought was very weird because I was just moving my body in a different way. Like after I took the FMS test, I was sore the next day.

And I thought that’s strange. Cause I didn’t, I don’t think I worked out. I think I just moved my body in a way that had never been. Before. But yes, I’m sure I did have the reaction of like, oh, like that’s it. But also I did feel the effects the next day and felt like, oh, okay. Yeah, that probably is where my level is at.

 No exaggeration or no hyperbole. And I always tell James to when I’m working out with him, Because I, I get very visibly Francis I’m sure is not surprised to hear this. I get very visibly exhausted. And so James will go, oh, just one more. Let’s do this. Or do you have more in you? And I’m very vocal, I’ll say yes or no.

And later on, I may say, I’m sorry, James. Like I hope you don’t think that I’m faking you out or that I’m not trying to do the most out of these and James will say, no, I can see that you’re visibly. You know, there’s like physical sign that this is trying for you.

I’m like, I just want to be, you know, cause I am someone who tries their best. Um, but I just, my, my best is not always like, you know, I’m a lady that’s never worked out. So 

Francis: Let’s see, share your emotions on your sleeve. So it’s not hard to determine if you’re done. 

Alana: No surprise to anyone.

James: And a lot of you just having a really good point, right? You just said you’re working as hard as you can. And that’s all I asked for my clients. If you can leave a session saying I worked my butt off. I did the best I could. I’m happy. Especially those first few times where I’m getting to know you as a person, getting to know you as a client and what your capacity is, I’m going to rely on you to tell me that, right?

I’m going to rely on you to tell me how you respond, how you feel after the session, how you feel a day or two later. If you recall, the first few times you worked. I was pretty insistent. Like I want to hear from you in two or three days, I want to know what you felt when you got home. I wanna know what you felt the next day.

I wonder how you’re feeling now, because that gives me a few data plots to say like, okay, she felt really sore. Like two hours after she got home. We probably did too much there. Or, Hey, actually I felt really good. And then I felt sore a few days later, but I’m still feeling really sore and that’s okay.

So you’re someone. Makes sense. You don’t have a lot of training experience, so you’re gonna be more sensitive to that Dom’s effect. And that’s why I told you is like, okay, you know what? It’s two days after the fact you’re still feeling sore. Take tomorrow off. Don’t do anything tomorrow, just do something the next day.

And then come see me on that following Saturday, and then we’ll work it out again. And so that’s why I think the best way to work with a client is to understand who they are as a person. And get in their head. Okay. I need to know, I need you to know what your limits are and I need to know what your limits are based on that.

Alana: Yeah. I recall one time after a workout for a couple of days, this was a very much a prolonged muscle soreness that my left leg or left thigh, I think specifically was very sore for way longer than it usually is. And then additionally, there was pain when I sat down or interacted or walked even have just felt like, oh my gosh.

And so I came to you  that next Saturday, that next workout saying, oh my gosh, I think I did something wrong. I don’t know what happened or maybe I did something, but it was just like really in paint, I think  like a weekend pass. And by then it had fully healed, but it was just so prolonged and so intensive.

And then James said, I think one, it could be that we did work on that a little bit harder too, but to also, my left is weaker than my right, which makes sense from a dominant standpoint. I’m right-handed. And also I had the injury on my left too.

And so, you know, there was just that this a larger discrepancy, I guess, right. Teams, or I’m probably not describing that correctly, but I feel like you remember that. Right. When I

had the very sore, I was like, oh my God, I broke by calf. I don’t know. I was like really freaked out by the pain, even though it had resolved itself within a week, but it was strange.

James: Yeah, you definitely hit on most of the big points there. We traced your injury history. It did happen on your left ankle. We did try new exercise cause that’s when we started doing the walking lunges, which are a very quad dominant activity in the first place.

So it’s like, okay, you combine that, the fact that your left side is going to be your non-dominant side because your right foot is. Okay. That’s going to be harder for the left side. You the integral, the left side. Okay. Yeah. That’s gonna be a big issue too, where it’s gonna be something we want to look out for and dear where the third point was.

 Alana: I’m fatigued easily. I don’t know which 

James: So, uh, kind of, I was actually looking forward. This is where we talked about  your limb length, right?

Alana: Oh, that’s right. Yeah. Oh, tell Francis all about it.

James: Yeah. So, with the FMS we do use anthropometrics in order to standardize the scores from person to person and anthropometrics are basically measurements of the body, but specific to the individual. So the two measurements we take our hand length, which is from the heel of your Palm to the tip of your longest finger.

And we use that in the measurement for the shoulder mobility. Based on how close your fists are in terms of handling is how we score it. If your hands are less than one and a half handlings away, that’s a three. If they’re between one and a half and two hand links, then that’s a two. And if they’re farther than two hand links away, then it’s a one, the failing grade.

And on top of that, we also look at what’s called the tibial tuberosity length. And so that is the height of which the tibial tuberosity is on the leg. And the tibial tuberosity is just this bony prominence, right beneath the, uh, uh, And that’s just based on the bone, the tibia there is just has a prominence.

So one of the things I was looking at my notes, cause, um, this was now the second time that Alana had reported that she had some knee pain after doing a workout with me. And the first time I was like, okay, yeah, it could just be your, you know, you’re just like, Not a huge concern. You said it faded away after a while.

But then after  we went from doing split squats to lunges because her ankle mobility looked a lot better. And she said like, whoa, after the lunges, my knee was really bothering me. I was thinking that’s interesting because your tibial tuberosity height was like average, maybe a little bit low average for a woman of your age.

And that’s not, I think crazy. That’s just, again, that’s what your measurements are as a person. And so then I was thinking the only reason that your knee would be irritated like that is you put a lot of pressure on it.

So what we found was after doing some measurements is Ilana has a very long femur compared to the rest of her leg and the femurs, the bone in the upper thigh. And it’s also where the quads are. So the quads run down the length of the femur and they’re responsible for extending that.

And when you have a very long femur, when you bend your knee, the knee is actually going to travel past the foot faster if your fever is longer. And what that meant for a lot of is because she has a very long femur relative to her overall leg length. It means that she’s going to be gliding her knee pastor. And in that position where the knees are past the toes, it increases pressure on the knee. And a lot of physicians, a lot of old school thinking will say that, oh, knee should never go past your toes ever. That’s just bad. It puts pressure on the knee. Well, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It cause if you look at.

CrossFit. If you look at professional weightlifters, you look at powerlifters whenever they do a snatch or a hang clean or any really big power movement. Or if you look at weightlifters doing the Atlas ball, where they have to pick this giant stone up and stand up with it, their needs are in travel past your toes.

And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. As long as they don’t have a preexisting. So if we have somebody who has a knee replacement or someone who’s has a lack of either a hip or knee stability or mobility, and they put their knee past their toes, that’s going to be a more vulnerable position. And that’s what we found that was the case with Alana is she needed to work on controlling how her knee moved past her foot, because we found that when she did that consistently, it resulted in some new year, too.

And we can stretch it out. And the stretching her knee generally decrease  that irritation, but real life isn’t always going to afford that. So that’s why I wanted to make sure that she knew how to move adequately and appropriately to avoid putting excessive pressure on her knees. 

Francis: So. I’m looking at Alana’s July  FMS report. And this has done almost six months to the date from when you first did it in January 11th. So this one’s dated July 10th and she actually scored, um, uh, the coverage page has a score of 15 and Looking at the general report, it looks like she did very well. She was in a lot better shape than she was when she came to you in six months.

Are there any sort of improvements that you want to point out here? 

 James: Yeah, so she scored a 15 out of 11, so right away she passed, which is always great. Every area that she got the red in. meaning that she failed during the first FMS, she either became average movement, a two out of a two out of three, or exceeded it and became a three out of three.

So right away, we see there’s a pretty dramatic improvement  in terms of overall performance on the test. And then again, that’s not because we train for the test.  The FMS training philosophy is to not train for these specific movements and said, do a more holistic, uh, program so that we’re not teaching to the test.

You’re not going to use these movements on a day-to-day basis. It doesn’t really make sense to train for them except to just get a better score. 

Francis: Alana, how do you feel about this?  

Alana: I was very impressed with myself and pleasantly surprised by it. Granted. It’s not like I wouldn’t. Not trying my best or not working out for the past six months. It absolutely makes sense that there would be drastic improvement, but just being that I spent 30 years never moving my body in ways that I have been for the past six months.

And naturally it was just a surprise to see like, wow, I can do these things because like James confirmed or, well, I guess he didn’t, he couldn’t technically confirm because he’s not a psychiatrist or a psychologist. Um, I do think there was a mental blockage there and, uh, you know, somewhat facilitated by my injury, but I think it was always there.

Uh, hence why I carried six pillows and called it a day when I helped you move Francis six years ago and therefore never helped anyone move ever again. And so, yeah, no, I wasn’t very surprised. I was very impressed and honestly, a static. I was very happy with myself. I did not remember. A lot of the test which is good because then the test with truly an authentic view of how I was doing, because, we weren’t training for the test and that way you get a real baseline to compare it to.

And yeah, I was just really impressed with myself and it just very excited that I could pass anything that had a fitness in the name or in the category that it was. 

James: Now Elena’s improved dramatically, both in performance and an attitude, not to say she was very resistant to train in the first time, but there was a lot of that doubt. There was a lot of that fear, avoidance and apprehension. And like she said, with the step-up story, it’s like, she looked at me, it’s like, you want me to do what and why? I got a lot of that during the first few times we trained together and that’s not a bad thing. That’s the exact kind of thing you would expect from a client who exhibits a lot of things. They’re going to be reserved. They’re going to have reservations about doing new things and it’s just about showing them you can.

Alana’s Progress

 Francis:  At the top of the episode,  I think we alluded to it, but  I gave Alana this challenge of being able to bring in a, did I say a 15 pound package in, from the door and then carrying it up the stairs, uh, at this rate of progress that she’s made so far. How long do you think it would take for her to reach this goal?

James: That’s a really good question. I think  that depends on where the package is. If we’re talking straight off the ground, I think we can definitely get there if not we’re already there. Cause we just started going over deadlifts and squatting patterns. And she was shocked when she realized that she could dead lift 25 pounds and.

She could do it with relative ease. We were able to get to a 10 to 12 reps on the first set of doing it after I just, all right, here’s the move pattern. I want you to recreate what I just did. And she knocked him out pretty well. She was tired and she was fatigued, but she did a really good job with it.

So in that front, I think she can do 10 to 15 pounds with little problem. Now it’s combining. That pickup pattern that the stairs? pattern and doing all that together, that might prove a little more difficult, but that actually speaks more to her strength endurance as opposed to her actual strength, because she has the strength to do it.

She has the strength to pick up that box, but she may not have the overall endurance to maintain that strength for a prolonged period of time. And that’s one of the things we’ve been working on a lot lately is in trying to increase our rep count or increase the number of sets we do for all of our exercises to make sure we are accomplishing that strength, endurance goal, to make sure that it’s not just, you can produce the force necessary to move this object or do this repetition or X or perform this task.

But when you do this, a number of times in quick succession, And that comes down to strengthen deterrence. And honestly, it’s just one of those things where it’s going to take time. The average person starts to exhibit physiological changes and adaptations to strengthening in about four, six weeks.

And considering that our first session about two weeks ago is when we started doing debts. Okay. We’re probably about halfway there, maybe a third of the way there, but I definitely expect her to have a lot more improvement just based on that alone. And actually one of the things about the FMS scores.

Yes. They were scored six months apart, but I don’t want to give the impression that it took us six months to get to that passing score. Um, we were, we were both on travel, a fair amount over the summer, or, you know, doing what we could. In a COVID world. But Yeah. so it’s not, we were consistently training every single weekend for the entire six months period.

We were training pretty consistently up until about what would you say a lot, like April or may, and then you were gone one week. I was gone one weekend. We try to mix match. And so there was a little bit more gaps between our regular sessions. And that’s why I didn’t want to give her the FMS until we had some consistent sessions again, because I didn’t want to be like.

You, maybe you did. Well, maybe you did really great on the FMS. You got that 15 right away, 

Francis: Okay. 

James: but you also haven’t seen me in like two weeks. So could we have gotten that a better score or, Hey, you failed the FMS again, but I want you to think it’s because you’re not doing well. It’s because you haven’t seen me in three weeks, so maybe that’s why like, let’s get that consistent training in there and then let’s retest.

Francis: I see. So it’s almost like a snapshot of where you are at that time. Not necessarily a cumulative effort.

James: Well, I would say that I’d say it’s much more of a, how are we doing right now? And that’s why I always start all my sessions with, how are you doing? What’s up, what’s new. How are you doing it for these last few days? Because quite frankly, and not that a lot has ever come in with a bad attitude or bad mindset.

You know, if someone comes in, like I had a really, craptastic week, I’m really stressed. I have all these deadlines looming above my head. That’s not the Right, day to give that assessment. Even if they’re before it even it’s like, well, it’s been exactly six weeks. We should see some results.

Let’s do this. If the person goes into it with a bad mindset or just a sour mood that can very heavily influence your results. Because again, that speaks to that mind, body connection. It can be like, I’m feeling bad. I’m going to do bad on this. 

Francis: right. 

James: sure we’re all from more of that feeling.

Uh, you know, uh, just, just going through school and everything. It’s like, 

oh, I’m going to fail this test. And so that’s why, I held off on doing the assessment and, but I’m really glad that Alanna actually approached me. Cause she, she told me after the first talk, you guys had the first discussion about her physical fitness journey that she wanted to get reassessed.

It’s like, great. Let’s put into the calendar, let’s work to that. Let’s make sure that we have at least two sessions before. And we did, and we got some spectacular results.  And I love that the client came to me with that because yes, I keep track of all my client records. Yes. I keep track of what we’re doing, how we’re doing, you know, when are we progressing things, but it’s really great to see a lot of so invested how she’s doing.

She constantly asked, how am I doing? Is this improving? Do you think this is better? And I love having those conversations with her because you can tell how eager she is to meet these. And it’s not just she’s responding to outside pressure or the kind of guilt or shame basis of I really should be able to do more.

It’s I want to do more. 

Francis: Yeah, it shows that she’s intrinsically motivated. And I feel like as with anything, if you have the motivation yourself like to do it, you’re going to see results.

James: Exactly. 

Francis: And Alon has always been that kind of persons.  Once she puts her mind to it she goes forward a hundred percent. 

James:  And quite frankly, my profession lives and dies by that adage of you can take a horse to water, but you can’t force a drink. I can show you all the movements. I can show you all the exercise. I can lecture to you about how the best way to train is or how to organize your sets and reps and rest breaks.

But if you’re not going to do it right, especially with a home-based exercise plan because I see a lot of once a week, If you don’t, if you’re not doing the homework, then you know, you’re going to see me. And it’s like, this is still really hard. It’s like, yep. This is going to stay hard until you didn’t worry about it. 

Alana: And it also shows that I’m not just doing this for the radio show content, although it is an absolute plus to this.  

Advice

Francis:  My very last question for you, James.   What advice would you give people who are thinking about starting personal training? 

 James: I will say it’s the one time  I get on a soapbox  today.  Know who you’re getting in with.    A lot of states personal training is an unregulated industry and you literally are not even required to have a certificate, to be a personal trainer. A lot of times people will have what’s called a CPT, a certified personal.

A certificate and while yes, that means they have some training. That’s a high school equivalency.  There’s no stringent requirements on that. No deeper anatomy or corrective exercise knowledge that’s required. Whereas with the CSCs that I hold and the other certifications I hold, it’s all about corrective exercise is all about form function and the best way to do an optimal pattern to be efficient.

And so that’s why I always give myself a plug. It’s like, yeah I am probably one of the best trainers in the area because in addition to the CSCs and the FMS ones, I mentioned, I hold four or five other certificates and personal training. That are more ancillary and it just means that I have better training background than most people.

And I have no problem saying that because I’ve worked my butt off to get there. So the main goal there is know who you’re working with, make sure they have their standard of who you are as a person, and that they can work with you because personality is everything. I love Ilana. She comes in she’s my last client, every Saturday, pretty much.

Well six months. Yeah, she’s always the last person I see. And you know what? I have more fun during her sessions than most of the other rest of the day, because she always brings a great attitude. She’s always so positive, and I’m going to do this. I’m going to work hard. She might be a little timid or  a little afraid of some new movements, but she always gives it a shot.

And that’s the other message I would say is. Always, always, always do your best because as long as you are being honest with yourself and you all, you are doing the best you can, that’s all that matters, right. Maybe a slow progress, especially if you don’t have as much experience working with a trainer working in a gym or, even just working out in general.

Well, you’ll get there investment on yourself. It’s an investment on your health and your fitness much later in life. 

Francis: Sounds like a great life mantra to ask me.

James: Yeah, just bring your a game every day.

Promo

Alana: Absolutely. And actually James, I believe. That there was a special promotion for all listeners out there that maybe tuning in that may want to check you out and check out your services that are local or in the area. And really liked what you had to say today. Do you want to give a little shout out to.

James: Sure thing. So if you’re interested, you can visit my website your coach, james.com. You can also reach me via email at James at your coach, james.com or texting my cell phone at (703) 965-5234. And if you email or message me through my website or text me wanting to schedule a session or a consultation with me, if you mentioned HQ, a F radio, I’ll give you a 10% discount on your first package that you purchased with me. Yeah. 

Francis: I feel so official now that we have got. Thank you so much, James, for being on the show really appreciate you giving your insight into Ilana’s fitness journey. You’ve been so knowledgeable and really appreciate the the time that you’ve given us. Thank you for that. We really appreciate it.

James: Well, thanks for having me.  I will admit as little nurses as the first time I’ve interviewed, but I was a lot of fun guys. So if you ever wanna, if you ever want another check-in on how Alana’s doing that, just let me know. 

Debrief 

Alana:  I wanted to mention during the earlier part of the show, when we were recording when James said that I was a little bit more reserved during certain exercises or initial introduction to  new exercises. That is the only time in which someone could ever call me reserved about literally anything.

I am not a reserved or timid, 

Francis: Yeah. 

Alana: uh, lifting, holding something heavy. Stepping on something. Yeah. I’m going to be as reserved as humanly possible about that stuff. Oh gosh. Gasa what did we think? What did you feel? Do you, I guess like my number one question and coming away from all of this is, does it line up.

Knowing me for so many years and knowing how I am in terms of fitness and my perception of fitness, like, does that kind of line up with what you thought of my personal trainers assessment of me essentially? 

Were you surprised by anything or was everything about at the level you had thought I was at in terms of personal fitness?

Francis: I think that everything that he said in terms of where you were at your fitness?

journey back in. Matches my vision of where you were at. In fact maybe you scored a little bit higher than I maybe would have pegged you for, 

Alana: same as, as noted by my oh, I was a nine and James saying, no, you were 11. I’m like really? Okay, great. Look at that.

Francis: but yeah, like everything else I think matches up, he has obviously a more of an ex. Spin on your stuff. You obviously like to talk more about the mental block and the time that you the issues with some of the exercises, but everything he said, mostly fell in line with where I thought you were at in January. Where you’re at now in July, I’m a little surprised that you can carry 20 pounds, 25 pounds. Congratulations alone.

I don’t know that I would’ve seen that for you six months ago, or even now, I mean, granted, I’m not part of your fitness journey. I’m only hearing the stories, but it sounds like you’re just a few months away from maybe being able to carry something up a set of stairs. 

 Alana: I will say I was equally as surprised because  I feel like the deadline. And the deep squats with the added way of 25 pounds. Was just  a very recent introduction  and even last week, I’m recalling, I, I was like, oh, wow, that was really hard.

And he said, you just, deadlifted 25 pounds. And I said, really. Like even, I am continuously surprised by where I’m at,  which truly speaks to what makes James such a great personal trainer is his pacing and his knowledge of, and being so in tune with the client and knowing where they’re at.

  Maybe the strategy was to hand me the weight without me looking at the number.

So maybe he just learned how to work around my mental block.

 Francis: He did talk about being sneaky sometimes and getting under the skin   

Alana: Yeah. He’s good at that. And he really is.

 Francis: What was the biggest surprise to you after that interview with James? 

 Alana: So I think it was just the realization of honestly like how much we, I can carry now and just, yeah, I’m just continuously surprised and impressed with how well I did on that test and that D to really see that there is improvement. Yeah. Obviously instrumental change and improvement over time. Like it’s hard to see the little changes, right?

And I’m continuously surprised even when I work out with him that I’m doing certain things because I’ll constantly ask him, oh, am I doing this right? Is this the right way? And he said, yeah, your form is actually really great. And I’m always surprised because when I initially started, Homegirl did not know how to lift her body or move in any way.

  Cause coming from like, Never lifting things and having a mental and physical aversion to lifting anything heavy to now, like I can do lunches without, feeling completely winded and like done for the day, you know?

So it’s like, or taking the test and not doing any form of workout and then feeling sore the next day. And that was 

literally. Moving my body in different ways and him measuring or watching me do certain movements, like not lifting anything, just moving. So it probably I’m impressed. I’m honestly very impressed.

And I think I’m doing really well in terms of progress with where I’m at.

 Francis: Let me end this little segment with, 20, 21 year of Alana. So many big changes for you as our audience is probably very well aware at this point of a 2021 each QA of radio. This, I think has got to be one of the more impressive. Or I would say more impressive. I don’t think any one life achievement that you’ve had is more impressive than the other.

 It’s different from your other ones. I should say in that it is more of a slow burn, right? It’s kind of like therapy in that way, where you are incrementally growing a lot of your other improvements this year have been. Fast they’ve been instant. Well, I didn’t say instant, but you know what I mean?

Like you set your mind to it and you got it. And it’s very much to that instant gratification. Alana sets her mind to something as she does it. Um, I mean, not that man, I don’t even know how to articulate it because you set your mind to personal training and you’ve gotten so far already, but I’m trying to say is just like, you’ve really worked hard at this and the progress is really showing and that’s awesome.

I’m really proud of you for that. 

Alana: Oh, thanks so much Francis. And I think it is astounding too, because like you said, I’m a fan. Someone who puts their mind to something I’m an all or nothing kind of person. I’m either invested in something or I’m not, and there’s no middle ground for me, but. A situation or a practice that I literally just was like, I don’t lift heavy things like that is something I literally don’t open my mind to lifting Amazon packages.

That is boy man behavior. That is not me behavior, like not knocking women for lifting heavy things. It was just literally a me situation. So, but like, wow. Look at me going outside of my. Mental block and putting my mind to something I otherwise was going to write 

off literally for the rest of my life.

Like I will just have men do everything for me.

 Francis: Not even going outside of it, like literally overcoming it, 

Alana: Oh, true. Character development. 

Francis: No. 

Alana: We still my main character energy making me into super and cool. Oh, uh, I am living for this right now. I didn’t even realize it then, but that’s totally true. And wow. It makes it all the more incredible and just me feeling really positive about the whole thing. Well, thank you so much, Francis.

This is so great. And thank you also for just having a personal interest in. Knowing about my journey and turning this into a series because, um, I mean, I am like personally invested in this outside of the radio show, but it’s definitely a plus of course, to have a content opportunity. Right.

And, um, thing for this, I think this is so fun and this is such a great, like first answered. I know it’s an actually sponsored, we talked about this because we didn’t actually receive any money from him, but it feels like a through opportunity because we have a code that we’re promoing. So we love that.

Rerun: Sibling Stories

Summary

Francis and Alana are on a break this week. Stay tuned in a couple of a weeks for a brand new episode. In the meantime, please enjoy a remaster of one of their favorite episodes. Rerun: Francis and Alana talk about their siblings. It’s hard being a firstborn. 😩

Rerun: Sibling Stories

00:00 Rerun: Sibling Stories
05:01 Kitchen with a View
09:48 Didn’t Deny but Didn’t Admit
13:19 Fuck You Danica
17:55 Outro

Transcription

Rerun: Sibling Stories

Francis (2): Ah-lah-na and Francis are on break this week. In the meantime enjoy this remastered version of one of our favorite episodes!  

Alana: Welcome to HQ way of radio. I’m Allana and I’m Francis

friends. Aren’t you so excited. We’re going to talk about our siblings. I have three siblings. Exciting. 

Francis: I had two siblings, two sisters, 

Alana: actually, and I have three brothers and we’re both the first four. 

Francis: Yeah. And so as you guys can imagine, we have stories about that. 

Alana: Yeah. They’re dumb. Obviously they’re younger, they don’t understand light.

So do you feel like that has being 

Francis: a for firstborn sibling, that your life was. Better harder, harder, 

Alana: worse. The worst. Why? Wait, you’re saying, I’m asking you, I’m asking. Um, because all the expectations are on you to be like, not necessarily the perfect profile, but they try more because they have more energy.

 My mom put this very plainly you know, a lot. We didn’t care when your two younger brothers started skipping school. Because at that point we were just trying to get through the day, we had four kids at a time Kerry was around, so we just didn’t care. But when it was  only you and Patrick, we have all the time in the world to care about how you were doing academically, but by the time you catch the fourth kid, you don’t give a shit.

Francis: Yeah. I feel like my parents, so they’d never vocalized that weight release. They’ve never 

Alana: vocals. My parents are very honest about 

Francis: that. Like the kind of stuff. My youngest sister’s gotten away with , I would have never gotten away with it at all. Yeah. You’re talking about Alex. Yeah,  

Alana: wait, I thought you were just about to say, oh, youngest siblings to get around with everything. But you know, my parents don’t know. 

Francis:  Well, so that’s the thing is like they probably do, you know, now they get sense, like, when she was in high school, They didn’t know. Oh really? But now they know  

Alana: oh, of course. If they knew you did, they they’d be all over. You’re in the fuck. Are you? Yeah. We didn’t raise you to be like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I completely understand. Yeah. So do you feel like Alex going away with things and say you, well, obviously, I guess, yeah. 

And she, 

Francis: she used to like literally sneak out of the house. Yeah, no, she,  so our house had an alarm system. She knew the  one window in the entire house. And we had a two story house. She knew the one window and then entire house that didn’t have an alarm system. She’d be able to sneak out every weekend.

She just  opened the window. 

Alana: Neither sister like way cooler than me. Okay. Did I ever tell you the one time I snuck out? Like the very only time? Yeah. The only I’ve never snuck out in my life. Oh yeah. God, my mom would’ve smelled that shit from a mile away.

 I remember once my mom told me I was on my back of my head cause she just would anticipate things before I would even do it. I’m like, don’t do that. And I literally thought. The one time I snuck out, I was not even at my house. I was in Indiana. I was visiting a friend. I was at her parents’ house and we decided to sneak out, go to taco bell.

It was like midnight. Not even like that crazy. It was midnight. And I was terrified that my mom was going to call her parents. Like what the fuck? Because my mom is pseudo 

Francis: psychic. Was it like literally the taco bell? Right across the street from you’re like,

Alana: oh, by the way, I live by talking about, but in this story, I did love by talking about Indiana. So everything was far away, but yeah, I was tearing and seriously, you can ask my friend, like I was so scared and I felt so uncomfortable sneaking out because I just had this feeling. My mom was going to find out I was shaking like hers.

Because her sisters were with us is Alana. Okay. Cause she’s like changing color. Like I was pale. I was so terrified. I never snuck out of my life. That was the only time 

Francis: to tie it all back together. Do you think. Your brother, Carrie or Sean I’ve ever experienced that moment? 

Alana: Oh, they never had to sneak up.

They would just leave. And my parents were great. Like, my parents 

Francis: were just like, 

Alana: we would go days without seeing them  

Francis: you go days without seeing them in high school. Like they were in high school and they didn’t speak up. 

Alana:  Oh, or skipping school.

You know, I was in college when they were in high school. So  you have classes all different times. I would come home like, Hey, what’s going on, man? Oh, we’re just like, not going to school. I’m like, okay. My dad worked from home. Okay. My dad owns his own business.

He doesn’t go into off it being thinking of shit. Oh, I’m sick today. Like seriously. My brother got pneumonia one time when he was sick. And my dad’s like, you’re still going, you’re faking it. And my brother got like, seriously sick. Oh shit. Yeah. But then, oh, I don’t feel well. Okay. You can skip school siblings.

I mean, that’s why we’re going to dedicate a whole episode to this bullshit. Cause this 

Francis: will be, but for all you firstborns out there, like this is going to be that therapy session. Yeah. 

Alana: We feel you. And we understand you. It’s mostly going to be an episode where we talked about the stupidity of our life.

I know both, all of them.

Kitchen with a ViewSo the first story I’m going to tell you guys was from when Kerry, I don’t know how old he was. I want to say maybe eight or seven. So like a young lad.  

Francis: How many years between you and Kerry? 

Alana: Oh, fair question. Oh, how many? Okay. Wait. I’m 27 and he’s turning 22. What is that? Oh, five years apart.

We’re five years apart. 

Francis: When you were thirteen, he was eight. 

Alana:  Seven or eight. One of those. Yeah. And Kerry, because he’s a little baby child, he doesn’t understand the concept of bed . So Carey one-to-one time comes up to me and Patrick, Patrick is the next youngest sibling.  We’re Irish twins, we’re only 14 months of heart and he goes, I ate this cat food. Give me five bucks. And we said, what are you talking about? He was like, yeah when you do something ridiculous, you’re supposed to  get something from it. So give it to me. And we both go.

We didn’t like dairy you to eat cat food. You just ate it. On his own volition. Like he just decided to eat cat food and go, oh, I did it. And it’s like, yeah, we didn’t tell you to. You just went ham. How was it? He was like, oh, it was gross.  That’s why I thought I was going to get money out of this.

Like, that’s not how dares work. Like you have to dare like first he dares , but he thought. I can go and just eat it. But Carrie, he was always kind of a way we can have toast with ketchup on it. Like, just ketchup. You 

Francis: what’s 

Alana: posted, we toast it and then lather ketchup on like it was butter on the toast.

Francis: Does he still do that now? 

Alana: He doesn’t actually. I’m very surprised cause he did it for a long 

Francis: time. 

You should ask him. 

Alana: I should ask him. 

Francis: Yeah. My youngest sister used to abhor ketchup. She hated it. Like to the point where she’d be like, I could smell your ketchup, 

Alana: Which sister?   

Francis: Alex. 

Alana: Oh, this is just going to be a younger sibling shitting on session, 

Francis: but she’d be like, literally I cannot stand the smell of your up right now.

You need to get away from me. 

Alana: So she eats fries plain. 

Francis: She does not, she doesn’t eat ketchup at all. 

Alana: I wonder if she had a bad experience with it. 

 Francis: She didn’t, she just hated it. 

Alana: Yeah.   

Francis: You know how I don’t like shrimp, she doesn’t like ketchup. 

Alana: Yeah. And what does, Danica not like, the other sister of Francis?

Francis: Responsibility

Alana: but was she like that as a little like baby child or? 

Actually, you know what? This was a good question. How did chores happen at your house? Did you guys do chores? Did you divvy up or did you do everything.  

Francis: I feel like I did a lot of chores. Just like, okay, well you’re the most, most oldest most age. 

Alana: Yeah. You’re the oldest. You’re the most mature. You can understand 

this. 

Francis: Exactly. And like, You do it, and then younger siblings just kind of got to for your past, you know, like, well, they’re stupid. They don’t get how to wash dishes.

So you’re the one that gets to wash the dishes. You’re the one that gets to work out in the garden. You’re the one that gets to mow the lawn and like, okay, well that makes no sense.  But also like my parents were always very like, You are also the oldest boy, which made no sense because I was the only boy there was no like  younger boy.

I was the only boy.

Alana: Which is so interesting because I’ve heard stories where it’s been the opposite, where being the only male child makes you so treasured and you don’t have to do anything.

And like, oh my God, that’s so amazing.  Because that’s how my parents spun it to me. Oh, Alana, you’re the woman. You’re a girl, this is all the shit that you’re supposed to do. Men can’t be bothered.  They’re just X, Y, and Z.   And so my mom, it wasn’t only like you’re the oldest, you’re the most mature, but also like you’re just getting ready to clean dishes for the rest of your life, because that’s what your life is going to be. 

Francis: Welcome to the real world Kanga. Yeah, 

Alana: Exactly. All you’re going to do is clean cook and have those babies bitch.  And that’s how my mom posed it. Like, I’m just preparing you for life, honey. Cause you’re going to be washing dishes for a long ass time.   My mom goes, Alana when you buy your house, try and get a house that has a window in front of the sink, because you’re going to be at that sink for so much of your life, at least you should get a view because bitch, you’re going to be watching a lot of dishes.

Okay. You going to be washing so many dishes. She still says that.  She said that as recently as last month. 

Francis: Before your wedding. 

Alana: She’s like,  Alana see, this is why it’s so important that you get a kitchen with a view because you’re going to be living in that kitchen bitch. Yeah.

Didn’t Deny but Didn’t AdmitSo I honestly think the most annoying part is how siblings , they can get away with anything and they do the most that they can to get away with anything. They cheat us out of things that clearly belong to us. Like, have you ever experienced that before? 

Francis: I have. So I had a Neo pets account.

Do you remember Neo pets life? 

It’s  like pseudo, um 

Alana: Right before pokey? No, no, it was 

Francis:  Maybe around the same time. Yeah. And you had these online pets and  it was on the web. You could play games and you get Neo points and you 

Alana: take care of them.

Like you feed that. Right. Whatever. 

Francis: Yeah. Yes. Battle them, even though the battling system was like, shit. 

 My favorite game was like this one game that was almost like Snake. Where  you go up and then you press a button and you try to collect like fruit.

Alana: Oh yeah. Yeah. 

Francis: Except in their version, it was like a mere cat or something.

Alana: I’m so sorry, just spat all over your iPad anyway. Yeah. 

Francis: But so  that was how I earned all my new points because it was the easiest way to earn your points. Yeah. And I literally played it every day.  I came home from school and Things would be like, oh, I’m going to play new path.

No, no, no, I’m not. And I’d like, raise my Neo pets, play the snake game and everything was fine and dandy. And then I realized one day that my Neo points were not growing.   I recognize that, oh, I’ve been playing this game. And for some reason it went back down and I was like, that’s impossible.

How would that even happen? So I just kept playing, just playing. And then I realized my password had accidentally saved on the, um username. Oh, on the username, my password and saved them the user. And my sisters had been using my password and transferring their Neo points. Cause they’re 

freaking, I was so angry at them.

Like why would you do that? You stupid fucking bitch. 

Alana: Wait. So were they taking a lot of money? They weren’t even trying to be sneaky about it. Like I was like 

Francis: winning like that. Oh, like every day  

Alana: Was it both of them? 

Yeah. The boat datacenter. 

Francis: And I was like trying to bring it up to my parents was like, so what the fuck? Like who cares? Neo points, whatever. I worked hard for those 

Alana: terrible morals. Go and steal money from other people. It’s okay. Instead of hard work, hard American work, 

Francis: I know hard American Neo points, 

Alana: hard earned 

Francis:  To this day,  they have never apologized. 

Alana: Wait,  did you ever approach them? 

Francis: They did not admit to it 

Alana: but they didn’t deny it. 

Francis: They didn’t deny it. I know 

Alana: Sisters are bitches, 

Francis: I know! Younger siblings though. 

Alana: They’re garbage people.  So did you resolve the situation in any way?  Did you change your password? 

Francis: So I changed my password, of course. 

Alana: Okay. And  so they couldn’t steal from you?

Francis: Well, like that’s the thing is like they  weren’t stealing smartly.   They didn’t like exactly clean me out, but if they were smart, they would have stolen enough. That would have benefited them, but not so much so that I would have noticed.

Alana:  Fuck them. Yeah. Yeah,   

Fuck You Danica

Francis: For all the bad times that I’ve had my younger siblings, I’ve,  had some good ones. Mostly with Alex. She and I were. 

Alana: Yeah. Fuck you. Donika um, yeah. 

Francis: What else? I didn’t say that. That was all Allana. First off 

Alana: you  didn’t deny it, but anyway, moving on, Allie’s had a Ramban time.

Francis: love playing video games. When we were younger, I used to play goof troop a lot, like the gifts, like the SNES game.  We used to play. I’m trying to think of like other SNES video games.   We had a lot of multiplayer games that we’d play.

Donika not so much.  She pretends like we did, but she wasn’t really into it. Yeah. Yeah. She, she was.  Did you ever use to do those sorts of stuff with your brothers? 

Alana:  Video games were a big part of our life. Obviously, I was a nineties kid. I grew up in the nineties. We had a NES, a Nintendo 64, and then of course, the internet was created.  There weren’t many games that the four of us were into, cause it was hard to find one game that we would all equally be interested in, invested in, you know, like it would always be that us were more into one video game than the other. But one game we all equally, the four of us played was Runescape. Oh, MMO. It’s a multiplayer game, you have armor and you can attack things and you gets stats and we, you know, it’s a, it’s an MMO.

Francis: I wanted to be into that game, but I couldn’t.

Alana:  It sucked. 

Yeah. That was why you weren’t into it.   You had to grind. You had to spend a lot of time. So that being said, I realized that it was rather difficult to get money in that game because you had to have a skill. You either had to be really good at mining, whatever, wood or something in the new cell at a high price, like you get a whole bunch of it and then you sell it all at once.

Or you had to have a really high skill level, so you could kill stuff to get gold. And the kiddo, I wasn’t like that. So anyway, I’m a girl in a world full of mostly men.   If there were girls, you weren’t sure if they were actually guys that was  a big thing.

So I would go and be people’s wives, like, oh my God, do you want to be my husband? So I would get money from them.  They would like, give me a diamond ring. Cause you can get  diamonds and rubies. So give me a day where you’re like, oh my God, thank you so much. And then I would log off, go to a different world and just take their money for all it’s worth. Like they would give me stuff as like a sign of their dedication to me. And then I would block them, but yeah, I would take, I would literally marry them, marry them, take their money and block them.

Oh, I was a terrible bitch. So then one day I decided to have some fun and Patrick was online. Like he was playing on a different computer, whatever. And so I told two different husbands that Patrick was hitting on me. And  so my brother started getting hate messages from these guys who I was just playing to get money and shit from them would Patrick knew, but he didn’t realize that those guys were coming after him because.

Like, cause he didn’t know who they were. He was like, how did they get my username? 

Francis: That this is what you were doing as a past time. But 

Alana: not yet. It wasn’t really like, this is where it’s coming from. And I think I actually almost got him banned because someone reported him. They’re like, oh my God, this guy is harassing my girlfriend.

He’s saying like I’d lied and said, yeah, Saying all those ridiculous shit to me, he wasn’t like, he was my brother.  He’s just out there mining gold, whatever. And then police are getting hate messages. And then he like got temporarily banned from the game. Oh my gosh.

And. To this day is like pissed off about it. Like what the fuck? Like I was minding my own business. You brought me into your bullshit, like room-scale drama of these guys who you don’t even care about because you just wanted money from them. Like, yeah. Well, you know, a, girl’s got to make a living. Okay.

Yeah. It was a total, 

Francis: like you had actually no reason to bring them into your job. 

Alana: No, I, no, I was just fun. Oh my God. Am I socio. Yikes. Oh, I’m so sorry. Whatever their username was. X man.  

Francis: honestly, I’m sure they’re just teenagers to you or not even teenagers preteens. And 

Alana: wait, how old were they when I was dating them?

Are you saying they were like toddlers when I was dating him. And now they’re, pre-teens I’m I’m 

Francis: saying that they were pre-teens dating them. Yeah. As I waiting in the airports. It 

Alana: was so funny though, when Patrick got he series, that was the most mad I’d ever seen him at me because Patrick and I, like we really got along, but he got really pissed off about that.

Outro

Okay. You want to do the outro? Oh, we’re doing the outro. Hey everybody. It’s Alana and this is Francis and we’re here. We’re out here. We’re 

Francis: definitely, this is the same episode. So 

Alana: what do you think about having siblings? That’s what we’re talking about, right. 

Francis: Okay. Well, true train. Like I think my siblings are the greatest.

I mean, I know, I know we just cursed out Donica and we just talked to her. So. 

Alana: Yeah. Francis likes his siblings more than I like mine. Well, I like one of my siblings. I have three brothers and I only 

Francis: like what’d you ever show this episode to your siblings? 

Alana: I think they would think it was funny, honestly, all of them, 

Francis: all of them.

Yeah. You’re right. 

Alana: I can’t be as real. You’re way more open with your symbols than I am, which I think is shows how 

Francis: good of a relationship Alex we’re on here? I think we would talk so much shit. Donika and then vice versa. Like if dining goes on here, we’ve talked so much in your bags. And then if they were both hosting their own radio shifts, they’d probably talk shit about me.

Alana: I mean, if it was me and Patrick, we would just both talk shit about Carrie. 

Francis: And if it was Shari, though, Sean is just ignored. 

Alana: Yeah, exactly. And then if it was me and Sean, Sean would just make jokes about fucking nothing, 

Francis: I guess, back to your question, like, do you feel like, um, You would rather not be siblings or Sean, or do you 

Alana: feel like, oh my God, I would never, ever.

So here’s the weird thing brothers, right? Like as you guys heard me say, there’s a lot of love, but there’s so much hate, but I would never, ever not want any of my brothers to be my brothers. Like, it’s one of those things where like, they annoyed that. Shit out of you, but you can’t imagine your life without them.

Like they’re absurdly entertaining. And I think also a huge part of the person that you become. Like, I can’t, like, I fucking hate all my brothers and if they died tomorrow, like, I don’t think I would cry except for it also, I can’t imagine when you’re like a awesome, so I love 

Francis: that. I don’t care if they die, but also like, yeah.

Alana: So, yeah, it’s just a weird love, hate relationship, which I think anyone that has siblings, I mean, other than you was a really good relationship with his siblings can understand. 

Francis: I think a lot of people have good. Like 

Alana: yeah, probably I think, yeah, you 

Francis: don’t, I feel like you don’t give your relationship with your younger siblings.

The credit 

Alana: it deserves. I don’t think there’s any credit to give it. Cause they treat me like shit. Let’s say I did an episode where I talk about 

Francis: shit. Let’s say Sherry, Carrie and Sean didn’t show up to your wedding. How would you feel? I’d be pissed. Exactly. Because you want them there? 

Alana: No, because how dare they not come to my fucking wedding?

It’s bomb. It’s shit. I 

Francis: exactly, because you can do their face. No exactly you, you want them to be there because you like them 

Alana: to. So, anyway, guys, this is a show that comes out biweekly. 

Francis: Hold on. You guys like Ilana actually loves her brother. 

Alana: Don’t I hate them. 

Francis: She loves them 

Alana: ruining my radio personality.

Francis: She just doesn’t want to admit it to you guys, 

Alana: but two set of type for this episode, stop it. The only person I love is cute, whereas says, okay, you’re my brother. Oh, which also happened about an episode, but, 

Francis: but which is also acknowledged by your parents too. I know. Yeah. Like I was birthed from their hips basically.

Alana: Yeah. Anyway guys. So if you’re interested in listening to more garbage of bullshit, you can tune in to HQAF radio. We post once every two weeks, we also post on our Instagram HQAF dot productions. Hey 

Francis: girl. And we are also on apple podcasts and Google play and anywhere else at anchor post cause you know, anchor posts everywhere nowadays where the health department, we love you anchor your gay.

Thanks for really facilitating this, uh, radio show van D show. I love 

Alana: vanity show. Oh my God, wait. That’s what we should call it because you know, all those people were telling us HOA Renu was, do you mean you should. Bandit show that like, 

Francis: this is really just about Alana and I, and thank you for listening to us and we love you, Jasmine.

Uh, you’re the greatest, 

Alana: the only fan out there. The only one that matters. I think we thanked your last episode. It was so 

Francis: sad. We actually also love it. All of you, other guys, if you want to email us at HQAF dot productions, that g-mail dot com. 

Alana: Please email us. If you’re out there, if you’re out there, please let us know, slide into our DMS right now, just real quick, just real smooth.

And you know, that, 

Francis: that would be great.

Alana’s Big Announcement

Summary

Alana has a big announcement to tell Francis! It’s literally a life-changing moment for her so you don’t want to miss this! 

Transcript: https://hqafradio.wordpress.com/2021/07/14/alanas-big-announcement/  

00:00 Alana’s Big Announcement
00:24 Alana Has Big News
24:26 Transition
35:49 Lydia’s Perspectives
43:50 Next Steps
51:50 Outro

Transcription

Alana’s Big Announcement

Francis (2):  This episode was recorded on April 13th, 2021. This is a recorded phone call. You may hear me eating dinner in the background. 

Alana Has Big News

Francis: okay. Let me start off with: I’m dying to hear about this juicy tea. I don’t even know what it’s about. You just  messaged me out of the blue and you’ve been  keeping quiet about it.

 I know that you’ve been house hunting. I know that you started looking at house last week and the last I left off with you and Harley, actually, I sent you a document from our lender that was the purchase estimate analysis, which broke down what you could expect in terms of fees.

You could have set in terms of costs. And at the end it tells you your interest rate and your monthly payments.  I think that’s the last I left off with you guys. Does that sound about right?

Alana: And I do think maybe just taking a couple steps back. For our audience, a secret or otherwise may just want to provide so for context Harley and I just started looking at houses on Monday, On Tuesday we just started touring houses and we had an interview with a lender on Monday, 5th.

And so then on Tuesday, April six, we started touring houses and then we saw a house we wanted, we put an offer on Wednesday. And then on Thursday we found out that didn’t accept our offer. And I was very distraught. I was crying. I was very upset on Wednesday night. So Tuesday was very excited on Wednesday.

I woke up at three 30 in the morning. I was so excited. Like going to have a house and I’m going to have air conditioning and everything’s going to be amazing. Cause I live in this building where they turn on all the AC and all the heat all at the same time. So until May 15th, we’re just dealing with the elements determine our temperature and 

Francis: Yeah, well, 

Alana: and 

Francis: well, and, and I, you 

Alana: yeah. 

Francis: Just for further context, you and Harley had been thinking about a house for a while.  You’ve been saving up, you’ve been waiting for the stars to align, but the biggest impetus was that you had just gotten a raise  this month. In fact, April the second or something, the first was when that raise came into effect and literally  a day or two later, you decided to go house hunting. Literally the day after that you put in a house offer.

And I just remember you calling me or texting me and you and I catching up and you just had gone through this whirlwind of an experience of  having that point where you and Harley decided to go and just bam, bam, bam. Having putting an offer in. It happened so fast.

Alana: It was an insane process. And I remember you said, Oh, there’s no such thing as casually looking for a house. Once you start like a home hunting. Yeah. How’s hunting. It you’re all in baby. There’s no assing it, especially where we live, where it’s just so very competitive and houses just get snapped up so, so quickly.

so, yeah. Yeah. I was waiting for my raise to come into effect on April 1st. And so then that weekend for the last two weeks prior to that, was looking around at different, I was on Zillow. I was on Redfin, just seeing what the market was, what pricing was and what would make the most sense and researching neighborhoods.

And so I really honed in on this one neighborhood, but yeah, really didn’t get serious until April 2nd, April 3rd, up until, yeah, it, and then April 5th, I had an interview with a lender and we decided our lender, April six, I met my realtor and then we toured places and I put in an offer. And then on Wednesday.

 So at the time, the first house that I fell in love with it was great. And, granted, I don’t remember ever walking into that house and saying, wow, I love this. I was like, Oh, I like this a lot but Harley will say otherwise.

And it’s probably true too because I am someone who’s a hundred 

Francis: no, 

Alana: in everything, but I could envision myself in this house, but I definitely didn’t feel the same. Like, Oh, this is my home. Like, this is it. I thought, Oh, this is nice. Like this’ll work. I mean, anything is better than what I’m living in right now.

So yeah, I was pretty jazzed and it was perfect for what I was looking for, in comparison to what we saw. So we were very excited. put in an offer, our lender said, wow, you guys are incredible your credit, your salaries. You could honestly qualify for a much bigger loan but we went with something that was very much within our budget and that was great and comfortable for us.

 So we put in an offer, we were the first one to put an offer. The house had been on the market for about five days.  There were no other offers. We were the first offer.

Wednesday night, I’m on a phone call with my realtor.  And a second offer came in they put down more for deposit. We put down 5%, they put down 10%. waived all contingencies they were going to close in 21 days versus our 30 days. And we had an escalation addendum that didn’t even go into effect because the owner just said, yup,  we’re just going to go with you guys because the other people who put in an offer because they were going to close sooner, they had no contingencies.

And so, yeah, I was very distressed. So Wednesday night I cried for the house I’ve never owned. For the house now, in retrospect, I feel like was never my home to begin with. I, I just felt like this is good. Like, this is a good location. I did like it. Uh, for sure.

I just felt like, yeah, this is a great next step.  So Wednesday was a whole whirlwind and I knew by Wednesday night after calling with my realtor that it wasn’t going to go through. And so I cried, I had my whole moment, so Thursday morning I was over it.

We get the texts from my realtor at 10:00 AM saying, Hey, they went with the other offer and I was just like, cool, whatever. You know, I processed it in a very healthy way. My therapist would be very proud.  And so then  two hours later, we start getting listings from inside of the Realty company portal that my realtors work within saying, Hey, here’s some other listings like in the neighborhood that are similar to the offer that we put in and so she said, what do you think about these? And I was texting with my mom. I told her, the offer, didn’t go through blah, blah, blah. She was distraught.  But  she said, don’t worry, it’ll  happen. It’ll be great. And the stars will align me. It’ll be amazing. my mom was saying, you know, you’ve just been through a lot Alana, you’ve had an emotional journey.

You should wait till Sunday to start looking at houses. Like you should take some time. And I thought to myself, Hmm, this is where I don’t follow my mother’s advice because in this particular market, houses don’t just  chill, they get snapped up. And so I didn’t tell my mother, I was going to start looking at houses immediately after I just said, okay, yeah, mom, I’m going to go to bed early and I’m going to process this whole thing.

You’re right. I’m going to take my time with this. No, I didn’t, I emailed my realtor and I said, okay, let’s go and check out these three listings please. And thank you. So the very next day. That was Thursday. The eighth. So we go and we look at these three listings and  it wasn’t great.

  And by the end of the third tour, I was getting really disappointed and discouraged, right? Cause I felt like, Oh my gosh, the perfect place slipped out of my fingers.  It’s almost reinforcing the disappointment of what had happened before. so she says, there’s a house that’s not on the market yet. Do you want to go take a look?

And so I said, yeah, cause I was looking for some cheering up at that point, I was just feeling really down to myself. It was just none of these houses were it honey? And I just was yeah. Distraught. we go to this fourth place and this also wasn’t it. And, um, Harley actually we, go out to see the patio backyard area and he takes a misstep and he, he doesn’t necessarily fall, but he just takes like a sudden step and he puts extra weight on his ankle, which he’s been having ankle issues.

So I’m just in a bad mood. said, Oh my gosh, are you okay? He said, yeah, I’m fine. But then he’s limping for the rest of the time. I’m like, Oh my God. So now I’m upset that my husband has hurt. You know, reinjuring himself at a very sensitive joint. And then also none of these houses are it. And I’m just getting really frustrated and it’s pretty late.

I’d say it’s like five o’clock or five 15. And I’m hungry and I’m tired. It’s been a long day. It’s been so emotional. I’ve not been sleeping well. I mean, I’m caught up in all this house, hunting shit, and I’m just done. I’m so fucking done. And I’m one of those people where if I’m done, like there is nothing you can do to make me not done with something like you could give me a basket of, you know, cute kittens.

if I’m hungry, especially if I’m hangry, like it’s game over, dude, you have to give me food. You have to give me the fuck out of whatever that situation is.

Francis:  So at this point, it sounds like your mom was right.  You needed a day to stop how something to just really collect yourself. But the other point here is just like, I think it sounded like you were so impatient, like  you’re ready to just go get that house.

And the fact of the matter is like, like I was just talking to one of my coworkers today,  she’s  two months on the housing market and it’s hard.   This area is very hard to find not just the right house, but to be able to buy the right house too. Once you find it, the prospects of you actually being able to get that house is  just as equally as hard as even finding the right house to begin with.

So this whole process for you has only been like a week.  The market is just that competitive and it sounded like you were sorta getting disheartened at not being able to find it right away.

Alana: Absolutely correct. And that was something that my realtor had told me initially saying,  these things they take a lot of time.  this market is very competitive. So, you know, if you see something you want, you got to jump on it right away in terms of that timing. And I, a hundred percent told my realtor, this is going to be an issue because I’m an instant gratification person.

Like if I want something, I want it now and I want it right away. And she said, well, like, that’s just not how it works. I said, okay. Yeah. also, I’m just letting you know, I’m going to be all in, moving at the speed of light. So I hope that’s cool. Which shout out to my realtor, my lender,  they have been on it. was on late night, like 9:00 PM, 10:00 PM calls with both my lender and my realtor talking through strategies, talking through the initial offer then the second offer.  So correct. Like these things take time and they’re not necessarily magical and destiny and Disney, but that’s what I envisioned for me as the main character, my own anime. And I wanted it fast and I wanted it now. 

But you’re right. I should’ve maybe taken a minute my mother suggested as I’m a very emotional person. I was already very emotionally depleted from the experience of losing this house. I really liked to which Harley would say, you said it was our home and now you’re only backtracking because other thing happened.

So we walk out of the house, the fourth house, I’m getting pissed off  I’m hungry. I’m tired. I’m emotionally drained.  I need sleep. And so she says, you know, there’s one more house. That’s not on the market.

I’d love to show it to you. And I said,  I’m really sorry, but  I think it would be best if I just left. And she goes, no, come on.  I have a protein bar. You sure? Like, let’s go and see, it’s really close to here. Come on. And so I’m getting kind of annoyed because I feel like,  she’s just pushing for me to see this house. She’s a realtor and she just wants to make money and blah, blah.

I go to the worst place. I love by realtor and have loved her through this whole experience. But just in that moment, I was over it. And so I was annoyed that she was pushing it. so… she says, come on, like, please it’s really close.

 I really think you’re gonna like it. And Harley says, yeah, Alana, come on, let’s go in and see it.  And I figure, okay, if the guy who’s currently limping, who’s equally as tired because he’s been putting up with my neurotic behavior and my emotional rollercoaster this past hours then.

Yeah, I guess I’ll go. So we go to this next house and from the moment I walk in, I think to myself, Oh, this is our house. Like, this is our house. This is my home. love it. is it like done over game over. Literally it was that fast. 

 And so the situation of how we found this house is also equally as anime, destiny, Disney storyline. this house was going to be on the market next week. How my realtor found out about this listing was because she had just helped the owner a rental, an apartment.

 Because my realtor does both  selling and then also apartment rentals and whatnot. And so I met my realtor through my church,  when I was doing Pre-Cana. My priest recommended I reach out to this realtor cause we were looking for an apartment together I had only lived with my dad for 27 years.

So I didn’t know.  What it meant to look for an apartment. So this lady helped me three and a half years ago find an apartment.  So I always kept in the back of my mind. Oh, when I look for a house, I’ll go and hit her up. I’m sure  she’ll still be a realtor which yes.

She’s been a realtor for  30 plus years and she’s incredible. So we were connected through my church and this person came to her for a rental they met through my church. And so she just so happened to hear,  by the way, I’m selling my home and it’s going to be on the market next week.  were going to put it on the market like that Sunday. And it was So I go, cool. Um, this is my house. So like, what do I do to make it my house? And so she said, okay, what you can do is,  if you really want this house, submit an offer and have it be accepted before it hits the market.

And I said, I agree, because if it hits the market and it becomes a bidding war of who has more money and someone else will always because we are not like overflowing with money. so I said, yeah,  please tell me what I can do anything under the sun to make sure this doesn’t go on the market.

She says, look, me find out what the listing agent is listing it for. And then let’s give them  a 10 K 20 K more than what they’re asking for.  Let’s do a pre home inspection so we can waive that contingency. me go and call your lender and see if we can close in 21 days.

  He said, yep, I’ll make it 

Francis: I’ll make 

Alana: Usually with a condominium, I like to give myself 45 days, but I’ll 

Francis: I’ll make, 

Alana: for 21 days. Like  you’re a young couple, you’re my kid’s age. I 

Francis: you know, 

Alana: I’m going to make sure that you get this house.

And I was like, you, sir. Like, Oh, incredible. Yeah. Thanks dad. Literally. He’s like, Oh yeah, you know, you guys are great. I’m going to treat you like one of my kids. And I was like, perfect. I have daddy issues. So that’s wonderful.

Francis: I mean,  this is just another notch in your  long list of dad and mom issues. So you know

Alana: Exactly. Exactly. I was just glad that he was on the same page as me and like my needs.  Yeah, so we did the pre home inspection. She said, okay. I said, well, how much money do you think we should put in as the offer?  And she said, look, let’s go and  I want Jeff who’s a lender to run two scenarios. Let’s schedule a pre home inspection. You’ll pay for that.

And then at the 

Francis: and then 

Alana: home inspection, you can decide 

Francis: you can decide 

Alana: want to go 

Francis: where you 

Alana: And so 

Francis: Um, 

Alana: And so 

Francis: so that night, Thursday, 

Alana: I’m in 

Francis: you know, I didn’t complicate 

Alana: We have approval to 

Francis: possible. 

Alana: inspection. So that’s 

Francis: So that’s great.  

Alana: The listing agent said, Oh, well, here’s this place that’s selling 

Francis: copper to are 

Alana: She was like, Oh, well this one just went on the market. So just for comparison, as you guys are figuring out your offer.  It was beautiful, but it has all redone bathrooms, kitchens, appliances, whatever. And this house, the appliances are all older.

The stove, the fridge, the whatever. I think 

Francis: I think the bathroom, the upstairs bathroom 

Alana: the downstairs bathroom. 

Francis: bathroom the bathroom door down

Alana: a little bit 

Francis: a little bit 

Alana: was just like stuck. It’s not in bad shape. It has good bones. It has a good foundation, but it’s not like, 

Francis: like, the awake.

Alana: to get 

Francis: you’re going to get 

Alana: way above 

Francis: above, like the lifting for it. You know, 

Alana: knows they could have perhaps had gone to 

Francis: how do 

Alana: war of some sort. 

Francis: the house 

Alana: a beautiful little patio area. It’s 

Francis: area 

Alana: bath. 

Francis: bad. 

Alana: It’s a corner unit that’s right next to a beautiful  open green space, but they have cute little benches set up. It was so cute. When I walked into it, I knew I was like, this is my home.

  I was  so at peace, because I just had this feeling. I’m like, no, this is my house.  So, we did pre home inspection and it was really great. Everything is good.

There’s some stuff  that needs updating  but it’s  very much in great shape. So at the end of the pre home inspection, we were there for two hours. realtor goes, okay, so what do you think? I guess her worry was how the listing 

Francis: Well, 

Alana: present it perhaps  

Francis: She can’t really tell you that. She’s only there to present the house for you. So she sees she’s that by doing that, she’s actually being a very good agent.  This is truly a decision between you and Harley as to whether or not to take that one, one price or the other.

Alana: Oh, absolutely. Yeah. When she said, look, it’s really  up to you guys. And she was always very forthcoming. Like none of them, um, no realtor lender was saying, you have to do this.  They were very conscientious of that. They’ve done this long time. They said, look, it’s very much up to you  and so she had only suggested let’s go higher than what they’re listening for to really  seal the deal right, to wow them to not put it on the market. And that was the only kind of Intel or insight she provided in that case.

So yeah, Harley and I sat down and  we just didn’t feel like we had to go higher. confident 

Francis: We felt competent then 

Alana: let me go. I’ll put in the offer, I’ll talk to the listing agent. I’ll talk to Jeff, just to ensure that he feels 

Francis: or that you feel confident that  

Alana: financing contingency and that you guys will come through.

She said,  how about you include a letter to the owner?

 And so 

Francis: Great. 

Alana: what people usually write in these letters. I talked about how, when I walked 

Francis: Uh, 

Alana: the house, hunger and frustration went away and how I just saw myself in this house 

Francis: Hold on. You were like, I had a long day. I was hangry as fuck, but as soon as I stepped into this house, my hanger just went away. This house just gave me sustenance 

Alana: Yes actually. Well, so my realtor was like, yeah, you should talk about how you walked into this house and you stopped being hangry because Harley told her yeah, I knew Alana liked this house when. Uh, when she stopped complaining about being hungry and when I’m hungry and tired, like, I am the worst to be around, especially with my husband, because I mean, I love him so much, which is why I’m my worst self with him sometimes. like I try and hone it back with other people,  and so he said, yeah, I knew we had to get this house cause she was just  happy and excited and energetic and it was a whole different Alana from the five minutes 

Francis: five minutes ago 

Alana: and tired and over it. 

  I almost put  in parentheses. Yeah. And when I’m hangry, I’m a total fucking bitch, but I thought about it, but I didn’t because I thought that wouldn’t sell. And so I  talked about how I can see myself starting my family here and it’s so great and talked about the trees and the beautiful view and just  all the things that I do truly  love about the house.

 My realtor said, Oh, can you just add a line about the St Agnes connection, the church connection? I said, Oh yeah, absolutely. 

so we sent 

Francis: So, 

Alana: at 9:00 PM on 

Francis: so, 

Alana: I remember I asked  do you think we should hear back? And she said, well, 

Francis: my 

Alana: And when we went for the pre home inspection, there was some of the staging materials already in the house.

So I was like really nervous. And I said, Oh, do you think this is a leveraging tactic? Something to like, get me nervous. And she said, I think this was just like on their timeline. And they just kind of move forward with their, putting the house on the market. And they already paid for a staging company. 

Francis: in there 

Alana: it was empty. And then Friday,  there was a furniture in there for staging.

Francis:  The fact that she was able to get you guys to look at the house before any of that happened,  before you even came on market is really good.  That is as a buyer, like one of the best positions to be in.

Because as you’re going through right now,  you were able to  put in an offer first before anything else comes in and tries to drown it out. And the fact that you saw all the staging material beforehand, I think to your agent’s point is just a matter of happenstance. It’s just their timeline and you just happened to come super early. 

Alana: Exactly.

Francis: It’s like coming to the wedding and watching them set up the wedding and be like I came here  30 minutes beforehand.  How come things aren’t ready yet?  It’s just cause they were preparing.

Alana: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Because in their mind they were fully ready to put this on the market as of 

Francis: Mark. It I’ll 

Alana: open house and do all of the various

Francis: and do all the various things 

Alana: But yeah, I was a little bit nervous, I will say Friday, so I didn’t lose sleep or I wasn’t up wondering, Oh my God, am I going to get it?

But yeah, 

Francis: uh, 

Alana: nervous. And so then Saturday came and I kept mulling it over thinking, man, maybe we should have gotten higher. really want this house. was I thinking? And Hurley kept returning me. No, Alana, and our realtor said, look, they can always counter 

Francis: they can always counter offer us,  

Alana: And yet we just  really felt like, you know, it’s. I mean, it’s, it’s a great house, but if it came to a bidding war shirt, it could have possibly gone up way more.

But yeah, we were just like reasonable people. 

 Francis: When you looked at the sheets and I’m assuming at this point, you have in fact figured out what your interest payments are and what your monthly payments for the house are, right? 

Alana: That is correct.

Francis: And so when you looked at the two prices,  if you’re not intending to stay there for three years and leave, like you’re going to be in there for awhile,  it’s not necessarily the overall price that matters, but the monthly payments   are what you should be looking at.

 Was that something that you were looking at, or were you thinking about it from a bigger number sort of thing? 

Alana: Um, the only aspect that we were worried about was just thinking like I really wanted to seal the deal, I should have gone higher, but no, like Alrighty, I’m giving them more.

Francis:  And that’s the thing, like the lenders are going to give you the most optimistic view of your budget.  They’re not considering other things like, Oh, well maybe you’ve got a student loan or, Oh, maybe you’ve got XYZ.  Maybe you’re paying for something else, like your medical bills.

 They’re looking at it from a very optimistic standpoint as to what you can bring in just based off of your income. And so the number that they present you is always going to be super high. And that’s why you have to scale it back to what’s reasonable for you and your budget  at that time.

Like you always have to take a step back from everything your lender is saying to make sure that you are comfortable with what’s being presented to you.

Cause it’s easy to get caught up in sale. Easy to get caught up in all of the stuff that’s swirling around it when you go through the home buying process.

Alana: Absolutely. Although I will say this was my daddy talking and not my lender. So I think daddy lender would have been looking out for me, Francis, you know, I think it’s really 

Francis: Oh, 

Alana: he wouldn’t be looking out for me, no, you’re totally right. That’s what was happening, but Oh, another funny conversation we had was, um, so we were in our intro call with him on Monday of last week.

Uh, he was saying, okay, what are your salaries? What’s your monthly What debts do you have? And everything like that. And so I forget, we had 

Francis: I forgot. 

Alana: our monthly income was like, what our take home monthly was. I said, wow, that’s a really big number.

And Harley goes, yeah, you’re really bad at math. 

Transitionand so, but yeah, we’ve been living in this apartment for three and a half years now, is incredibly affordable.

Even back then, like three and a half years ago, it was under priced for what it is. It includes utilities, includes all everything.

 Francis: You guys have managed to save so much to space off of the Brent in your purpose.   It’s great for what it is  granted it’s, it is sort of falling apart in it’s kind of old, but you’re super close to the Metro. You’re super close to your mom.

You’re in a really good part of our LinkedIn that I think otherwise people would really love to be in for super cheap. 

Alana: and honestly, I really like this apartment. There has never been a day where I felt like, Oh my God, this is the worst thing ever. I mean, there were things that I very much hate about it. 

Francis: I was going to say the AC is like the biggest thing. 

Alana: That’s the only thing I don’t like about it.

Francis: no, it wasn’t. No, because wasn’t there a big leak in your ceiling that forced you and Harley to stay in a hotel for a few days? 

Alana: right. But that was. Oh, that was twice. Actually. It was like, that was only once. No, it was literally twice. And then the second time it was because they didn’t fucking fix it right the first time. So then it became an issue literally less than a year later. yeah, I guess you’re right.

It is kind of a piece of shit. you know, it was so funny was that when in that first offer, I was like, wow, you know, I’m really gonna miss this apartment these times we’ve had together. And then when it fell through, I was like, fuck this place, I’m going to die here. I’m going to die in this fucking heat.

And it just so happened to be a really fucking hot week. So it was just compounding my anger. I was like, fuck this place. I’m going to die here. That’s fucking apartment as a word. It’s like, fuck everything. yeah, been an emotional roller coaster to say the fucking least it’s been insane. 

You know, that Chris has never been in this apartment. Chris has never been in this

Francis: Oh, my God

Alana: Oh, sorry,

Francis: lot, a lot. Oh my God. Let me and Chris help you move in and let me record Chris, just like his reaction to your apartment girl. Oh my God.

Alana: honestly I was thinking, I’m like, wait, we have to get Chris in here before I move out. He has to know what kind of Phil I’ve been like, actually, maybe he doesn’t want to know. Maybe that’s too much for him. That’s like knowing me too much. He won’t even share his location with me, which by the way, I’m going to go and just like, be really forthcoming and add him actually.

Now that I think about it, let’s

Francis: Yes, do it. 

Alana: Olsen. There we go. So no pressure except, um, all the pressure sharing and definitely with Chris Olson right now. Um, he can now see my

Francis: Yes. Love it. 

Alana: the ball’s in your court. So So Friday we go, we submit the offer with the letter then it’s Saturday  and,  we get a text from our saying, by the way, the listing agent is going to be presenting the offer. We should know by later today, I’ll keep you posted. I said, great. Thank you so much. I so appreciate both my lender and my realtor because they have been so communicative with me. Like no matter what time of day it is, no matter what day of the week it is, it’s been amazing working with them.

Amazing. And so then, uh, it was about two o’clock and I get a call for my realtor saying, Hey, Alana, I’m out, showing houses because of course it’s crazy right now to be a realtor, right? Like this is the buying season. This is the season where you go and you sell homes, which is the extra wide.

Like, I love my realtor, my lender, because this is so incredible credibly busy for them. I know in terms of other people that live in this area, I’m a low ticket item. Like I’m not bringing in a lot of money in terms of like commission in terms of anything. it is so sweet that they’ve been giving me so much time and attention hashtag they want to be my parents.

But anyway, so, so, she called and she said, yeah, I’m out showing houses right now, but I’ve been furiously checking my email to see if anything came through. And lo and behold, came through. They’ve accepted your offer.

Francis: Oh my God. 

Alana: Yes. 

Francis: it’s so exciting. 

Oh my God.

Alana: that insane.

And she said,

Francis: Oh my God. 

Alana: 3rd. So get

Francis: Stop girl. 

Alana: Yeah, 

Francis: This has happened so fast. You literally started last week and now you’re be homeowners. That’s so fucking cool. Oh my God. 

Alana: It’s 

Francis: Oh my God. 

Alana: we started looking, I met my realtor on Tuesday,  April six and we got to ratify contract on April 10.

Fucking insane, dude. 

Francis: my God. That’s so crazy. The fact that you’ve got the fucking market is so cool. Oh my gosh.

Alana: I really was. It was amazing. It was divine intervention. It was part of God’s 

Francis: Yeah, 

Alana: it was part of my plan because I walked into the house and I was like, this is my house. Like I felt so at peace.

Francis: As soon as the hanger left you, it was a sign. It should’ve been a sign all along that this was it.  You made the right choice.

Oh, 

Alana: pointed that out, I said, well, clearly this is meant to be because I’m not a hangry bitch right now. So can’t wait to tell our children about that. 

Francis:  I have only one request of you during this whole, like moving in process and settling in processed. 

Alana: Yes. Tell 

Francis: have to let me go with you to the nursery. When you pick out your plants, you have to let me be part of the plant buying process, girl. And you know, I have so many plants to give you. I’ve already got two house-warming plants in mind for you and your house.

First one, I’m going to give you in bookkeeping, a catnip plant. Uh, you can put outside, it will be very much for her. And then I’ve got a snake plant. I have to figure out the other one, but it’s going to be a really nice plant and oh my God, I’m ready. But when you start thinking about the backyard and putting in those plants, I want to be there for you. It’s like, Oh my God, I love nurseries. I love. Plants. We’re going to do this so hard. Oh my God.

Alana: Oh my God. Oh, I know. I know. You know that when I walk into that house and when I knew in my heart, this is my home and I was envisioning the future. I was going to be having this house that I saw every window, still having every one of my 12 plants 

Francis: Yes. 

Alana: bring back from the office, because that’s where they were living.

That’s where all my plans have had to live up until pandemic and I didn’t want them to die. So I brought them home. so now they’re all lying to, I don’t even know if you’ve seen it. I should take a picture. It just is a lot like, you know, the top of our TV entertainment system, where it’s got all those amoebas, my plants are also up there.

So it just looks like very chaotic energy it’s. So my apartment is like someone was, you were Katharine or both were describing a junk drawer. do you remember 

Francis: Yeah. 

Alana: back?  I was like, wasn’t junk drawer. 

Francis: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It’s that one dryer that you have. That’s just like miscellany from the whole house. It makes absolutely no sense and it’s just there to hold your junk.

 Alana:  And that’s my whole apartment is the thing, because there’s not enough room to have a place for things. There was just truly not enough because we have expanded. Uh, I guess our Meebo collection in this instance, but various other things, like there is so much, if you look at even just his desk, there was so much shit everywhere all the time, and it’s just, we’ve outgrown this place.

And so my life is a junk drawer and now I can’t wait for it not to be. If you look 

Francis: Yeah. 

Alana: furniture, any of our accessories, they’re all just not part of a set. They’re all, mix-match.

I’m not cheating. Anyone who doesn’t have a set of things, but the amount of things that don’t match is like insane.

If you go in here, it’s just like, are they okay?

You know what I mean? Or I, don’t know. Maybe you never noticed, 

but. 

Francis: I, I totally get the sentiment. It’s like, especially  once you buy a house, once you get into the start this concept that you’ve owned this place, like you actually own this place and you’re making  mortgage payments to it and what that, but you want it to look and feel the best that you can. I completely understand the feeling that you’re going through right now.

And I love it.   I’m so happy and proud of you guys, like this is the next step in your guys’s journey. And excited to, to be part of it. Now that we have this like great podcast episode, I can just relive the excitement over and over again.

Alana: Yes. Oh my God. Yes. I totally agree. And know, Harley and I we’ve been married almost three years now. We’ve been living together well, two and a half, because as you know, the podcast I lied about when I actually started living with my husband, still like almost three years, two and a half years.

And,  because we were moving into a small place because we were had very different jobs and salaries back then, things were just very different.  It was a whirlwind, you know, we went and got married. Then went on our honeymoon and then I had all these work trips.

It was just insane. And so there was never really time for us to build up this, build a home together. Cause it was just very. haphazardly thrown together. Cause obviously I took months to move in with my husband, but like, you know, there was a sense of like, not going to go and buy things.

We bought the big ticket items, like couch and the Ikea 

Francis: Yeah. Yeah. 

Alana: the Ikea dining room table. That’s small. But  we didn’t think in terms of our whole big vision. 

Francis:  You were in a very transitional part in your lives.   When you moved in with Harley, you were also getting ready for your wedding, which is a big thing as well. And then after that,  you were  struggling with  your financial situation.

And I think it makes sense that now at this point in your lives, when you both are feeling very stable, very, very secure in your finances that you look to the next step, which is owning a home together. And now that you’re there, you can also think about actually like making it a home, not just like some apartment that you guys are living in, like actually a place where you guys can settle down and raise a family.

 I think it’s just the natural progression of your your marriage so far.

Alana: Yeah, and that perfectly embodies exactly how I feel. I sort of viewed this 

Francis: Perfect 

Alana: back then. It’s 

Francis: back then 

Alana: of a 

Francis: kind of. a is what we can afford and we just have to move in and there’s so much going on  and then I was, Oh my God. We were both just making shit money back then.

Alana: Like, if I think back I cringe. It was struggle town.  You remember? Right? 

Francis: That was like one of  your biggest stressors, your biggest fears is just like how you were going to go month to month .   It makes complete sense that  the last thing on your mind at that point is probably going to be like linens, like who the fuck cares about matching Linden sets.

 You’re trying to make ends meet from month to month. 

It just goes to show you how far you guys have come and  how much you’ve achieved.  This is a huge achievement in your life. I cannot even express just  how truly proud of you guys that I am.  This is truly a big step. 

Lydia’s Perspectives

I’m assuming at this point, your mom and your dad know, right? Like they must know

Alana: Yes. They both know. 

Francis: what is their reactions? Like, how do they feel? 

Alana: So my mom is very excited and, she actually came with us. Oh, I can’t believe I didn’t tell this part of the story. She came with us touring houses on Tuesday.

When 

Francis: April 

Alana: and then we found that one house, we’re like, we’re going to put an offer. My mother was there for that experience. she was like, you need to buy this house. Like, this is fucking great, blah, blah, blah. And then talking to the realtor and the real, he was like, Oh, I have four kids and Italian.

And she was like, Oh, you’re Italian. I would tell him hardly goes, She made the mistake of telling your mom that she’s Italian. Now your mom’s never going to shut up. So my mom, if you can imagine my big mom energy and just how she is and how  not overbearing, but she’s just like a lot. So on Tuesday it was kind of a lie cause we’re turning houses.

And then my mom is like, Fucking going around and flushing every toilet and turning on all the faucets. She was like, you have to check to make sure the fucking water runs. I’m like there’s other steps in the process where we check those things. He’s like, no, I have to know. And she’s like, flipping lights.

Like, why the fuck does this stop working? I’m like, mom, Oh my God, please. For the love of God, like stop, this is, you look like an insane person. I’m the one buying the house. Not you like chill the fuck.  But the realtor of course  loves my mom, meets her, is like, Oh, this is great. And I’m just like, I love my mom.

She’s a character. She’s delightful. But she’s just like a lot if you’re related to her.

Francis: I’m sure. Yeah. 

Alana: Yeah. 

Francis: Yeah. Like as somebody  outside, looking in,  anybody interacting with Lydia would be greatly  amused by your mom. Your mom has so much charisma and so much energy.  It’s very hard not to like Lydia.  She’s just, she’s so great.  I can imagine from your point of view though,  it could be a little bit stressful cause  she’s a lot.

She has a lot at one time.  Usually Lydia only stays in place for 10, 15 minutes and she goes away, like she’s a whirlwind in those 15 minutes that she’s there at the party with you guys, but you live with her. So I can imagine that there’s a lot to just kind of, and 

Alana: yeah.

Francis: like, 

yeah. 

Alana: Like at one point she was scouring the fucking perimeter of the house that we ended up putting an offer in. And I was like, where did my mom go? And she’s like, Oh, I was just checking to make sure all the different ways that you could escape the house if there was a fire. And I was like, okay, mom, thank you.

And I’m like, all right. yeah. so, Oh, also my mom did this thing where like every house we were about to look at,  I told her, Oh, these are the three listings we’re going to go to on Tuesday. You can come if you want. went and stock them the night before and talk to all the neighbors and was like, Oh, I can’t find this unit. Do you know where it is? Oh, you’re so nice. Yeah. My daughter’s going to buy a house here. Like, Oh, you’ve lived here 25 years. She’s sitting getting people’s backstory. So then the next day when we went there to go look, she’s like, Oh, that’s the lady I met last night.

And she’s lived here 25 years. I’m like, mom, don’t point out that you’re like making things with every, I mean, it’s, it’s, it’s not the worst thing in the world. It’s just like, lady, can we like focus on the mission? Cause this is so weird. Like you’re making friends with people in my future neighborhood and you’re like telling the entire world, but I’m going to live here. It’s insane. Like she was out night, like Monday night, she was out till 9:00 PM scouting these houses and like talking to people. 

Francis: Oh my gosh. 

Alana: She has since stocked my new house several times. She’ll text me. She’s like, yeah, me and Patrick are by your new house.

Francis: Uh, the fact that Patrick’s were there too.

Alana: I know. Well, it’s so close to my dad’s house. She’s like, Oh, we went for a walk in your neighborhood. I’m like, okay, mom. what the fuck

Francis: you 

you were never gonna, You’re never gonna escape later. Lit is going to like walk by your house and just like spy you and Harley watching TV. And she’ll text you, but like, Oh, you guys are watching TV. So cute.

Alana: I know now. And our house houses level, like, because currently I live on the edge. Third, not the top apartment, but like right below the top apartment. So you can only like peer in through the sidewalk and you can only see a person if you’re close to the window. she’s be able to look in on us and stuck us. so funny. She’s like, Oh yeah, we came here. She took pictures of the outside to send to her mother. I’m like, mom, don’t be outside my house. Like fucking taking pictures. You fucking weirdo at like 8:00 PM. What are you doing? Like with my brother? It’s insane. So she never saw the inside of this house.

And uh, Oh my God. We were at the pre home inspection by mom. Like she was working and it was really crazy at work. so my realtor goes, Oh, you want to FaceTime with her? Does she want to see the inside of the house? Cause I guess my mom was such big, aggressive energy.

She assumed, Oh, your mom must want to see this house. And I’m like, yeah, but my mom, like she’s working whatever. And so she said, yeah, I really hope, uh, she even texted me like, Oh, I hope your mom can come to the pre-inspection or maybe she can make the last 10 minutes. I’m like, I don’t, if she’s working, dude.

I don’t know. And so then, um, she said, yeah, well maybe your mom can come through the Walker I guess, because she likes my mom. I do. My mom is very personal. I do like my mom. 

Francis: Yeah, 

Alana: out here, like hating my mom, but,

Francis: no. Yeah. It’s not that your mom is not personable. She’s just a lot. 

She’s just, she’s, she’s, a little whirlwind of energy and charisma.

Alana: Good. And I’m glad that you like my mom, but and I are the ones buying the house. Like my mother doesn’t actually need to see the house. It’s going to be fine. Um, but maybe she was just hoping for another opportunity to hang out with her or see her.

So my mom’s going to come through the walkthrough because neither of my parents have seen the inside we won’t be able to go into the property until we do the walkthrough.

And I said, Oh mom, like, is it okay that I went? And she said, yeah, dude, this is like the biggest purchase.

I shouldn’t at all be a factor. And I said, Oh, really? Cause you presented a different idea to me, but okay.

Francis: Oh my God. I was going to ask  how she reacted to you hiding it. But she sounds like she took it well.

Alana: I mean, I don’t know if she did  a last minute flip on me because this, it doesn’t seem like my mother, but she said, Yolanda, this is such a big decision for you as a couple I would never come into play. I would never tell you to not buy a house by and seen him. Like you three days ago would have said a different thing, but okay.

Um, whatever. 

Francis: But this is the same Lydia that was like, Hey, don’t tell me when you get a new job.  Just tell me after the fact, if you’re looking.  She’s like, you’re just going to stress me out. But then also in the same breath is like, why are you looking for a new job?

 Be content with where you’re at. Like Dell, you stupid bitch.  Love your life. Now don’t look for a new jobs. Be content with your salary.

Alana: I know. Yeah, this is different.  I remember when I told her, by the way, I’m starting to look for houses. She was super excited. just 

Francis: Yeah. 

Alana: moving into the next chapter. She’s super proud of me. So I think this is different. I don’t know why you want to be proud of me for getting a new job, but okay.

this is I guess, different. I do think she’s like my mom, like will never understand Lydia logic. It’s just a thing. There’s a lot of filter Lydia logic. There’s a lot of, you know, things at play, but yeah, no, she’s just super excited for me. And I also   think now my mom’s just  sees grandkids on the horizon. She’s always played. Like she doesn’t want, she was like, Oh, I’m not ready for grandkids. I’m too old. I’m too tired. But then she’s like, I can’t wait for you to have kids. Oh my God, I’m going to buy all the uniforms. I’m going to be there all the time.

 I’m so sorry in advance for how often I’m going to be correcting you and telling you you’re doing everything wrong, but that’s what I’m going to be like. I’m like, wow, this isn’t very attractive for me.

Francis: Oh, at least, at least she’s upfront, at least she’s upfront.

Alana: At least. Yeah. She’s not trying to advertise a different reality.

Next StepsFrancis: so when is the walkthrough?

Alana: The walkthrough is on May 3rd. So the day that we settle, 

Francis: Oh 

Alana: final walkthrough.

Francis: yeah. Okay. That makes sense. Um, and so you guys, aren’t going to get an opportunity again, to just look through the house one more time. Oh, I guess not because you guys did sign the contract, 

Alana: Yeah. We have a ratified contract. We waived all the contingencies. We did the home inspection and a pre home inspection on Friday of last week. And so, yeah, we 

Francis: yeah. 

Alana: it’s ours,

Now I’m trying to figure out when to formally tell my landlord and what my final date will be and when I should move, because on the one hand, I don’t think I should move in a month.

Cause that’s just like a lot, but my mom is saying don’t move in a month. Like, you’re going to be so stressed out. You’re going to be X, Y, and Z. But at the same time, like, obviously I don’t want to pay. I mean, I don’t think. Let’s see, we get the place on May 3rd. I leave by June 1st.

That’s fine. But my mom was saying, Oh, we’ll tell them, you’ll leave by June 15th because you’ll want extra time and you’ll need to clean your apartment. I’m like, yeah, I really fucking, well, it’s this nasty little ride. But I feel like once all the shit is out, it won’t be a rat nest anymore. I mean, I’m still gonna like clean it, but I don’t think it will need much more once all of the shit is gone.

 She’s like, you don’t want to move in all your boxes. Cause then you won’t be able to visualize all the furniture you’ll need. And also Memorial day weekend, you’re going to want to buy a bunch of furniture then. Cause there will be deals and that won’t be there for two weeks.

And so I’m like, I don’t know.   Let me know what your timeline was like how much time you gave yourself to move out and everything.

Francis:   Our last one was a different cause. Like we are moving from a place we own to a place that we now own, but I think I generally do agree with your mom and  your mindset. So you’re moving data. I think you should consider like being May 3rd for all intents and purposes, you’re going to get the keys to the house.

 I think he could just start moving then in there, 

Alana: Like little bits and pieces, right? 

Francis: just some small boxes to put it to your house. Keep in mind though, with your rental, you have to give 30 days notice for your landlord or else he is legally entitled to penalize, you like a month’s rent, which you don’t want to do.

You don’t want to lose it. so plan that ahead of time. So think about like 30 days notice, like what does that look like?  I think maybe your mom is onto something with the May 15th timeframe or maybe even Memorial day. I wouldn’t move necessarily on Memorial day, but like around that timeframe, give yourself at least two weeks to move into new place.

  You have people that do like maybe the opposite end of that, where they take a day or two to just move everything. And it’s fucking stressful. It is so stressful to do everything in a single day. especially if you’re doing it by yourself. It’s one thing. If you have movers, it’s another, if it’s just you and Harley and maybe a group of friends helping you doing it in one day or two days is very stressful.

So give yourself that time, give yourself that leeway to just breathe. because within that two weeks, you can space out your moves. You in hardly can dedicate a few days here and there to just move everything to your new house. And then you actually also have to clean the apartment too, or at least hire a cleaner.

So like another day to just go through and clean all that stuff. so I think long story short, give yourself some time. Don’t think that you can move in in just one day. I don’t necessarily think you need a whole month between your move in day and the end of your lease, but at least the week or two to just really give yourself a more comfortable move.

Alana: Right. Yeah. That makes sense. And what I was envisioning was like, we move in bits and pieces a little bit throughout, and then we have a day, we are going to hire movers because Harley has this like condition with his psoriatic arthritis. We don’t want to injure that in a permanent way.

So we’re definitely gonna hire movers for the big stuff. Um, but you know, still bits and pieces. Like we can move ourselves and, and so just trying to figure out like, Oh, when should be that final day of like all this stuff, our, um, realtor said all of the appliance, not appliances, uh, services, you know, like.

Whatever we should have that all in our name, like starting May 4th.  

Francis: Or even May 3rd  

Alana: Yeah, 

Francis: soon as possible,  

 If you’re looking at hiring movers, I would say just a week is all that’s necessary because they can handle the big stuff. I would say probably the ninth or the 10th.

 And I would aim for that weekend to be like the day that well, So the 10th is going to be too early, actually, just because you’d need to give your landlord 30 days notice.  So the 15th would probably be the most comfortable timeframe or even the 13th, if you’re going to do it now, but probably the 15th, because the 15th is a Saturday 

Alana: Nice. Oh, and then I can get that extra time. Say like, Oh, I’m giving three days to lose. I’ll be out by. June 15th. And that’ll give me more time. Cause I was thinking, Oh, I should tell her May 1st, by the way, I’m closing and I’ll be gone by June 1st, but that’s really like tight. I’ll just tell her on closer to May 15th then, and say I’ll be out by June 15th

Francis: Wait, hold on. No, hold on. You don’t want to be out of the apartment by June 15th. You want to be out by May 15th, right? 

Alana: Uh, today is April 13th.

 Francis: if you really put your mind into it, I don’t think you’re going to need all that time.

Alana: Right. Well, so here’s the thing that I’m battling is that my mom’s like, you don’t want to go and move into weeks. Like it’s going to be really stressful. Just move slowly. Like if you’re

surrounded by boxes, you’re not going to be able to see. And then the furniture can’t even come in because you order it 

Francis: Hope can we just eat? 

Alana: for two weeks. 

 Francis:  I don’t think you’re going to need it two months to move out. I truly don’t.  I really think that small apartment of yours, you’re going to find it’s so much easier.

Plus you’ve got people doing like the actual heavy list thing. Like the small stuff  if you took a day or two off, you could handle that. And you’re not too far from where you’re at?

Alana: Yeah. It’s like an eight minute drive.

Francis: Truly.  I think you’re overestimating it and you risk paying too much. And having too much of that time like that, you’re going to end up paying more than you need to for that amount of time. If you just like actually spent the day just moving all the small stuff.

Like  I really don’t think you need to do that.

Alana: Gotcha. And so do you think that, this is like my mom telling me not to move in with my husband, saying, because I have the rest of my life to live with him. 

Francis: Yeah. A little bit.  

Alana: That’s good stuff to think about. I’ll  talk to Harley about all of this 

Francis: You really don’t have a ton of stuff. 

Alana: yeah, we really don’t. 

Francis: Yeah. Two months is, is excessive. Like you guys could literally start packing now. Like, this is the thing. And so once you start packing and you have like this whole month of packing, you’ve got like from April 3rd to May 3rd to just start packing your apartment and just make sure the essentials are left out once May 3rd hits, you can start transitioning everything out, like, and it could be slow because you have made their teammate 15th.

Alana: Exactly. I know my mom’s like, you don’t want to be living in boxes. It’s going to be stressful and blah, blah, blah. You’re going to have a mental breakdown. 

 Francis:  How many of those . Amoebas are you just going to like use in this, in this timeframe, you can start packing like your memos. You can start packing  your winter clothes or that sort of stuff.

Alana: Exactly. Yeah. That’s what I was thinking too. And she was saying, Oh, well, what about your cat? Your cat is going to freak out. And what are you going to do about that? I’m like, well, okay. The cat has to come to the house. So I don’t know what to tell you. 

Francis: Yeah, so that would be my recommendation on it.

I know it’s, it’s, um, short time for giving notice to your landlord, but if you think about it in terms of the essentials and you leave those out until the very last, I think you guys can manage it.  This just gives you a lot of time. 

Outro

 thank you for  holding off on your T until this very minute. So we could record it. Cause like, girl, this is so good. This is so good.  I’m so excited for you to have this house. This is amazing. 

Alana: Oh, my gosh. Thank you.

Yeah, I’m so excited. I’m glad we could turn this into content and  it’s going to be great. 

Rerun: Viva Espana

Summary

Alana and Francis are on a break this week. Tune into a new episode on July 14th! In the meantime, enjoy a remaster of one of our favorite episodes! 

Francis took a trip to Europe which some crazy turns. Literal and metaphorical. Find out how Francis almost died, photographed nude people and bashes an entire airline company all in one episode!

YouTube: https://youtu.be/l8O1nzQPSq4
Transcript: https://hqafradio.wordpress.com/2021/06/30/rerun-viva-espana/ — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/hqaf-radio/message

Transcription

Rerun: Viva Espana

Francis: Hi, everyone. Alana and I are on a break this week.  We’ll be posting a new episode on July 14th. in the meantime enjoy this remastered of our Viva Espana episode.  

Alana: Welcome to HQ a radio. My name is Alana 

Francis: and I’m Francis 

Alana: best friends, United States of America. 

Francis: Well, yes we are. Congratulations. 

Alana: If you couldn’t already tell we’re Americans, but that being said, uh, some of us were in the United States of America for a bit of time. 

Francis: That’s that’s right. I was in Europe for the past two weeks.

Alana: Your first time in 

Francis: Europe. Right? First, my very first time I went for business, but then I spent another week for pleasure. And let me tell you, it was a lot of fun Alanna. I can’t wait to dedicate this entire episode to my travels. 

Alana: I know I can’t wait to hear it. So I’ve been dying to hear all of it.

Francis trip. And he was telling me Nolan, it it’s for the radio show. This is for you. 

You 

Francis: guys, this is for you, seven listeners 

Alana: out there. So you’re hearing it for the first time ever folks live on a recording Frances trip that I’ve been dying to hear. So get ready.

So Francis, what can you tell us about your trip to Spain? 

Francis: It was pretty good. I was actually feeling very nervous because this was the first part of my trip. And I had never been to Europe. I’d never traveled by myself before. This is, I mean, yeah. So the business part, I was, I was, you know, like with people that I knew.

You know, for the most part though, I had never traveled by myself to a foreign country where the main language was English. So I was nervous, uh, on the plane way to over. I was like very ancy and, you know, just kind of unsure of how this entire trip was going to be like. And. Actually like, even just getting to the Canary islands was, uh, which is where I was at.

It took me a day and a half. So I, I left on the eighth. I didn’t get to my destination until the night of the ninth. Yeah. And, um, the plane ride getting to the island was, was horrific. I was on T uh, On a discount airline. I’m not going to name names, but, um, but it was this airline. It was this particular airline that it was one of the worst airlines I’ve been on.

And as we’re getting to the island, there’s a moment where, um, the, the, the plane literally maybe like falls like a few years. You know that moment when you’re on a, on a roller coaster and you’re at the very top and you’re about to go down in your waitlist, like 

Alana: yeah, yeah, yeah. 

Francis: We all had that feeling.

And I think you could tell, like if you took a survey of all the people in the room, Which, which ones were kids in? Which ones were like old people, because like, because 

Alana: kids were like, whoa, 

Francis: I’m here. And the old man next to me, he’s like 

Alana: gripping onto the side. Oh my fucking God.

Francis: Yeah. Oh my gosh. Honestly, I had a lot of moments like that. I mean, not just, yeah, I know, like be prepared, like, but yeah. I will admit, like the first week of me getting there was kind of stressful, um, part partly 

Alana: in partly 

Francis: because it was business and, you know, I was, I was doing some work and trying to get other things done, but a little bit of is like trying to get adjusted to this new place, this new culture, this new kind of scenery for me and not being able to speak my native language, you know, to the people.

So, um, Yeah.

Alana: Man. So Francis, uh, language barrier must have been something that came up or was an issue during your trip? Uh, 

Francis: yeah. Yeah. My sister had given me this tip where, um, if I needed help with anything, the people that I. Really seek out are the younger Europeans, especially the ones that either might work in the service industry or white collar workers, just cause you know, like based off of their job, they might be more exposed to English and yeah, like her tip was pretty much spot on because, um, you know, like there for the first day or two, I had to take a taxi to get to work and, you know, Some of the people that I talk to, like the taxi drivers, you know, like a lick of English, but you know, my hotel concierge and the clerks had had better grasp of the English language.

So that was pretty good. Um, speaking of which I, after the second day of just being at the Canary islands and I decided I can’t do this whole taxi cab thing from the, the, the hotel to the, um, To the Ooh. Yeah. Yeah. It was like, I was like trying to think if it was an office, but it really wasn’t. I was just like at a building, just like at a satellite building.

Yeah. Yeah. Like literally a building with a satellite right next to it. And that was it. It’s hard to call it an office, but, um, yeah, so I go to the airport and I get this rental car and the. The thing about driving in Spain is that all of the road markings are white. Like there’s no, you know, here in America you have like different, like there’s yeah, yeah.

There’s white and blue, you 

Alana: know, for 

handicap 

Francis: or something like that. There’s, there’s different colors. But in Spain, I think, I don’t know if it’s particular to grant, um, the Canary islands, but, um, I’m in Spain, it’s all just white. And so there’s no way for, to tell him. What the different lanes are. I think you just kind of drive on one side of the road.

And, and so I had my GPS on it. I was navigating to a particular place and it tells me that in a few kilometers, I have to make this right. Bright terror, turn my, you know, like get off to the ramp and go right. And. I’m used to, um, sort of just hearing the warning on my GPS and maybe following it like a few, like, uh, maybe half a mile down the way, and it just kind of ignoring it because sometimes there’s a turn that might not be the turn that you want beforehand.

Right. And so I am still in that mindset. I’m still in that American mindset and. I accidentally turn into the wrong lane. Like I switched lanes into coming traffic. Oh my God. Yeah. And luckily for me, I was going pretty slow. I was going like 40 kilometers hour an hour, which is about 2025 miles are miles per hour.

And there’s no oncoming traffic yet. So I, I pass this, um, Eric. And I realized my mistake and I immediately like flip into reverse and there’s like, somebody coming on my way. And I was like, oh my God. Hitting the thing. And luckily the person that was behind me, like saw what I had done, it stopped to let me do, you know, like to let me get into the right, right lane.

And, um, I, I just, I get out, get into the right lane and my heart’s just beating in like, oh my God, I had. Such a close experience. I like the only thing that I could think of was like, if I died here in a foreign country, what would happen to me? Like I’m freaking out right now. And, uh, I just kept driving to my next place.

Alana: Thank God you didn’t tell me. I would have been 

Francis: worried, freaking sick. Like I told Chris, I couldn’t tell him until after, like, after he was done. Jeez. 

Alana: Oh my God. This terrifying. And also if you would die, who would have told me, oh my God, Chris. No. Well, I’m really happy that you’re safe also that I didn’t find this out till now.

Cause I would have been worried shitless just the entire time you were gone.

Francis: Yeah. 

Alana: So for instance, while you were in Spain, like, did you get to see any cool sites? Did you get to go to the beach? I mean, yes. 

Francis: Yeah. So, um, after work was done, I got a chance to go and explore the island. I was on grandkid area and apparently like there. Um, so it’s one of the biggest islands of the Canary islands and it’s known for being a party island, but also like a lot of.

Retired Europeans come down there, you know, during the winter to, to, to enjoy some of the sun. Um, yeah. And so I just got to travel around. I got to see must papillomas, which is, I think the, one of the party cities of the island. And then I went to Las Palmas, which I think is one of the more retiree towns of the island.

And so like after seeing those two cities, I wanted to go see a little bit more of the nature east side. So I took a scenic route to get to my other place, um, to, to another, another place I wanted to go to. And the, uh, the route took me along this cliff side, um, right along the beach. Uh, yeah, so like, it’s, it’s a Rocky kind of beach, if you can imagine, and you’re just driving along.

Um, and it, it curves a little, um, There’s a point where I stopped at, um, the site where, uh, there’s there’s this historical site where there’s ruins of like old, an old house. And so I thought, okay, cool, let me go check it out. I parked off the side of the road and I go down and I climbed down the side of the cliff to get to these ruins.

And like, when I say ruins, I’m not talking to like the Acropolis or a Coliseum. Literally just a couple of rocks off to the side that’s guard, like fenced off. So it wasn’t as impressive as it sounds. But what I did notice was that like, on one way down, there was some guy that was coming up and he was shirtless and that he had spoken to me in Spanish, but I didn’t understand what he’s saying.

So I was like, okay. Keep walking and hope. Like I’m not doing anything wrong, but you know, in the back of my mind, I’m like, that’s kind of weird. Like, why is this shirtless guy like going up, uh, you know, like there’s nothing to be shirtless about. And I guess we’re on an island, but whatever. But then I realized, like I didn’t see him come back down and the souls, or he wasn’t carrying anything with him and I didn’t hear a car drive away.

And so it was like, well, okay, well, let’s just kind of weird. After I look at the ruins, I decided to go and just walk along the cliff side, because there are trails that are, that are, um, kind of like, I wouldn’t say dug in, but they’re worn in by obviously like people are also exploring this area. So I’ve figured why not?

I come in and there’s this. I I’m come down to the seaside and there’s this stretch of Rocky beach. And I notice off to my left. That there is this woman and she’s topless, like, like I don’t see her like her, her breasts, but like she’s, she’s pretty obviously topless. Yeah. And I realized, oh, those two must have been in here doing naughty things or whatever.

And that’s, it’s cool. This is like Europe, whatever. They’re free here, there they’re able to do other things. I’m just gonna like. Walk away and, you know, meek, Alaina, like I have my camera with me. And so I’m like, I just don’t like, yeah, like I’m just like not going to be creepy and I’m just going to walk away and like explore somewhere else.

And so I decided to, instead of like walking along the beach, I’m going to go walk up alongside the cliff side. And so I’m above it all. And there’s this point that is right up to the top of the beach. The very tip top of the beach and there’s this point that you can stand and you can kind of see over.

Um, and to my right, I see the woman and that’s fine. And, um, I’m taking pictures of the island, but I’m doing my best. Not to look like I’m taking pictures of her. And then I look over to my left. And I see more people on another decent beach and I’m like, that’s so weird. 

Alana: And the closer I like look at these people, the 

Francis: more I realized, like they’re all naked.

And, and then I’m like, oh my God, I’m standing on this like thing, like, uh, on the, on this point with my camera in hand. And, uh, what I think is a nude beach. 

Alana: Like these people must think I’m a pervert 

Francis: and that’s why, like, I’m getting like these weird looks. Yeah. So I’m like, like mortified and I like get off of the point.

Um, and I’m standing and I’m just walk away. And, um, I, when I’m kind of like a distance away, I see that somebody else had taken over like a random, like, hi, Had I had like taken over the spot that I was at and he literally brought out a pair of binoculars and I was like, people 

Alana: thought I was a pervert people thought I was 

Francis: a freaking pervert

Alana: taking pictures of her nakedness. 

Francis: Yeah. Yeah. And so little did I know? So I go back to Mike, my car and then. Uh, I, I look at my phone and I’m trying to figure out what, um, what else is going on. And you know, what else is in the area? And I realized. Like a few kilometers down the way. There’s a, um, a point of interest called Playa Playa Del new Desta sta 

Alana: it’s it’s, it’s a new beach.

Like that’s the main beach. I am just wandering around thinking like, wow, I’m checking out the nature here. Like here’s my camera. Here’s face. Here’s the sneering here. Oh, my God Francis. So wait, what were the ruins called though? That you saw like, were they ruined, stay new D stuff, like weird beach. The first nudists came here and they like trashed the place and then they, oh, so it was like, just 

Francis: like a small little, like, uh, from my, what I remember of this description, the houses were just like three different houses.

They had like a. Pile. And I think it was just like a place where people lived and yeah. And people just are now nude around them. 

Alana: So weird.

Francis: Right. So after my trip to the nude beach, I had the destination in mind. I wanted to go see the highest point in grand canyon area, which was the Pico dead loss nievus. Aye. I’m pretty sure I’m not saying that. Right. But it’s the highest point in the whole island and, you know, I thought it would be really cool to go see, you know, you don’t mean, I love going on top of the tall buildings and shit and getting pictures of.

The scenery. Yeah. Um, so I go and it’s up this mountain and you know, the thing about Melton’s here in the U S is that mostly they’re on like two lane roads. Um, yeah. And, and so what’s, what’s kind of scary about going up this particular mountain is that there’s no line that. That says, this is the left lane and there’s, this is the right way.

And like at their certain elevation, it just becomes one lane, which is barely, barely big enough to fit two cars. And you’re, you’re, you’re, you’re winding up this mountain and sometimes the curves are just so, um, tight that it feels like, like, um, if another car were to come by. You would be pushed off the mountain, like you would just crash and you would die.

Yeah, it was, it was terrifying. And I had another flashback of like, if I fell off this mountain and died in Spain, who’s going to find me and new who know who I am, but I pushed on. I kept pushing on. And honestly though, like I got to in the mountain where, um, the scenery kind of changed. And it went from just kind of Rocky and desolate to like this, this really crazy like temperate zone and trees were growing.

And I stepped out of the car and wow. Like the scenery is just so beautiful and it was fantastic. And I thought to myself, like, yeah, that, that trip off this scary Melton was worth it. And then I. Circle around. And I, I go down, back down and for some reason there were more cars driving and winding around going up the mountain then, or me going down the mountain.

Then when I was going up the mountain and that was actually a lot, a lot of stress. How did you get around? 

Alana: Who, what ha what did you do? Were you able to, was there a way of like getting around people. Oh, my God. What did you do then? 

Francis: You, you see, stop. I stopped like maybe like actual Spaniards going, doing this.

They wouldn’t stop, but I like stopped when I saw somebody was rounding the corner, uh, was about to round the corner and I just like, didn’t even know. Because like, if I one wrong turn and you’re off the map. Yeah. Wait, so how 

Alana: did you get around these people? Or did they just go oh, okay. I’m just going to reverse.

Are you serious? They just were like, sorry. Okay. 

Francis: Sometimes. Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah. I know. It’s it was, it was kind of terrifying. Yeah. Something happened. And you did one wrong thing, 

Alana: kind of amazing mate, here’s this mountain where it’s like, if you run into someone, someone just has to like, well, 

Francis: and the thing is like, it’s obviously a tourist attraction because once you get to a certain point, it has signs of like, oh, this is what this hiking trail is about.

And you know, like if you, um, want to do this hike, you can go this way. You know, like people obviously go here to do things. And the fact that this mountain is so treacherous. Yeah, it’s kind of mind-boggling yeah, yeah, yeah.

Alana: Wow, that sounds like an amazing trip. Uh, wow. How do you feel about all that? 

Francis: Spain was, was really good. I mean, I had to get over myself, um, after the first few days, you know, like trying to adjust, but after I had the chance to kind of explore on my own terms, it was, it was, it was an adventure. Like I’m excited for you to go to Japan and us have a radio show.

The experience. Yeah. 

Alana: Yeah. And, uh, just by the way, folks, we do have more content, more, uh, content. I read said that for this trip, obviously prince had a great time. And so we’re going to make this a two-parter, uh, so feel free to tune into the second part of this episode. Uh, but in the meantime, if you want.

Tune into our episodes on the regular we post once every other week. Um, that’s once every two weeks and Katie 

Francis: that’s bi-weekly, that’s that’s twice 

Alana: a month, 14 days apart is important. Yeah. Like how I have to reassure myself of how time works. Um, but yeah, you can find us on. 

Francis: Play, you can find us on apple podcasts 

Alana: and Instagram.

We’re on H U a F dot production. 

Francis: And, uh, on anchor. I mean, if you’re not already listening to assign an anchor, then I don’t know what you’re listening to a song. Maybe Google play. Sorry. I was trying to wrap anchor, but 

Alana: not great increased such a platform. I love the lot. It’s really good and easy to use, and I have no complaints about it and that’s our show folks.

So until next time, the best ship to sail on is friendship.

A Package Across the Threshold

Summary

Francis and Alana talk about their relationship with exercise pre-pandemic, during pandemic, and coming into this post-pandemic world. Francis sets a new fitness goal for Alana where she’ll be able to carry a package across the threshold of hew own house. Trigger warning: this episode contains discussion about weight and weight loss.

YouTube: https://youtu.be/KSK0MVM0FYM

Transcription

A Package Across the Threshold

Francis: Do you ever have moments where you are just  so busy at work and you are doing  several different things? Like, like throughout a single day, I might be tending to three or four different like tasks, like not so different that they’re completely irrelevant to each other, but just, they’re just so different that sometimes you have to just take a moment to switch your brain to the topic at hand.

And it’s just been so hectic that I feel like every single time I come into something like this, like the podcast, for instance, which we do every single time,  that muscle memory just doesn’t kick in and I’m like, oh, what am I doing here again? Like, what the fuck am I like it?  I have to almost relearn everything that isn’t relevant to anything that I’m doing at that moment.

Alana: Yeah, I can totally relate  when I’m very busy too, or if I’ve been working on something a long time, or if I come back from vacation, I definitely have that moment of wait. Like, how do I do my job again? What do they pay me to do? What’s going on? Or how do I do this? It’s like shifting gears, you know, you, you don’t have to give it a second to shift into that gear.

And then you can put on your podcasts yet, or your professional work hat. No, I totally get that brain fog, brain fart, all that stuff.

Francis: Yeah. I mean, it all just  goes to show you how important it is to one, have a vacation two, if you’re already fucking working like eight hours a day and it’s all meetings,  it just sorta feels like something has to give, like, you have to take some time to. Actually be able to do some work.

I feel like I just am in meetings all day every day, and there’s just no time for me to actually get  to do the work that I need to do for those meetings.  It’s very frustrating. Which kind of brings me to the topic that we have today, actually, uh, talking about exercise is one of those things that you should be doing for yourself to help your mind just relax.

You focus on exercising. Do something good for the body. Like what, I don’t know what that saying is, and I know I’m taking this from an anime, but have you ever seen Soul Eater, Alana?

Alana: No, I haven’t. What did they say? I was hoping it was from dragon ball Z, but…

 Francis: At the beginning, it goes: a healthy soul resides in a healthy mind and a healthy body .

  It’s not just about working, it’s not just about getting your intellectual stimulation on, it’s also about working out your body. Yeah. And, uh, uh, yeah, so today I just wanted to talk, talk about exercise because very relevant to me, I just got out of my second Orange Theory class of the summer of the year, I guess.

Um, and, oh my God, fuck exercise. Like I I’m a little over it right now. I’m like, I’m so sore. Um, I just like, oh my God, I I’m over it. Like, I, I.

Alana: I’m surprised. I’m very surprised because Francis you have always been very physically fit and fitness has been a part of your life. You have always been  the most fit between the two of us.  Exercise has been a part of your life for a long time. 

Um, so two questions for you. One, when did orange series start up?  I guess things are now at that phase in the post COVID-19 world. So when did everything start opening up or when was your first class?

Francis:  I think for orange theory in particular, they were hit hard by a pandemic as many gyms and fitness centers were. So when March came around, at that timeframe, Chris and I were very active Orange Theory members. We have this membership that allows us to go eight times a month. When pandemic hit in March, it just fell off for us.  Orange Theory just completely shut down.

 They weren’t allowed to have classes  and that’s when they started going to this home workout series. But for me personally, in that sort of shift in routine, as well as the mindset that I was going through, and the depression that I was feeling, it was hard for me to really establish another routine, to get back into the swing of things. I did smaller workouts for sure. But it was never to the intensity of Orange Theory workouts. In comparison,  one workout session that I might do, like maybe let’s say I went for a two mile run. I might burn like 300, 400 calories.

 When I go to an Orange Theory class, I burn about 650 calories. So it’s just, it. Yeah, it’s, it’s just, it’s very intense. It’s a very intense  workout. And I like it a lot when you’re at that level of fitness where you could be doing that sort of stuff. 

I think Orange Theory, they started classes back up maybe around the June, July timeframe but I never felt comfortable going back into the class at that point. When they opened up, they did put a lot of restrictions in place to their credit.  They reduced the capacity of the classes, they  en forced a very strict cleaning regimen, the fitness instructors and I think even the patrons had to wear a mask at the time and  a lot of those things they’re carrying over even to this day. But  at that time, we just weren’t feeling very confident or very comfortable going into a fitness class.

  It’s a very small enclosed room. There’s a good number of people in there, exercising, breathing very heavily and  not knowing whether or not those people that you were exercising next to were being safe in their own pandemic lives. It was very hard to justify being able to go to Orange Theory at that point.  It just didn’t make sense for us. And we were being very careful at that point.

Alana:  What was your exercise routine then during the pandemic?  Cause I feel like you guys still exercise.  We’re friends on apple watch, uh, Francis and I, and Chris. So I see you guys working out. I see you guys doing things.  Tell us a little bit more about what your routine was.

Francis:  I think at that time I did a lot more running.  We subscribed to Apple Fitness and we’d been doing  some classes here and there. And so maybe we’ll do a 30 minute class or a combination of two 20 minute classes or something like that. And those are great. Those are fine  for what they are, for home workouts.

 It does take a certain level of discipline to just go all out and just to really work out. And that’s one of the reasons why I like Orange Theory a lot is there’s like a very competitive nature to fitness classes, right?

 I don’t know if you  know this about me Alana, but I am super competitive when it comes to fitness classes. So today for instance, I was running next to this guy and he was not running as hard as I was. So in my mind, as long as I was running harder than this guy, I was winning the fitness class, which makes no sense.

There’s, there’s no winning a fitness class or at all, but like it’s also that sort of competitive drive when I go, that helps me really maximize my workout times there. It only works if I’m  beating somebody otherwise if I’m losing to somebody, then I feel like complete shit.  

Alana: Oh, interesting. 

Francis: Yeah, as long as I’m working out next to somebody that is either at my level or worse than I feel really good about the workout.

 Alana:  I do feel like that’s the appeal of people going to Orange Theory, going to formal exercise classes, or going to the gym is that competitive nature. You like to be competitive and you like to win and beat other people.

But to me that’s the more intimidating part of working out.  For example, my first sort of semi quasi introduction to working out was when I fractured my ankle and I was in physical therapy. Which was very funny because I’m doing things like squatting and I’m doing these extras with bands and things that  people do as part of their regular exercise routine.

But I was doing specifically for physical therapy for my ankle to remember how to be an ankle. And, I remember physical therapy took a lot longer for me to go through because as my physical therapist put it in a very kind words: there was a strength issue.

So she didn’t call me weak, but I wasn’t able to perform certain exercises. She’d asked me,  is it hard because it’s painful or is it hard because it’s hard. And I said, oh, it’s definitely hard because it’s hard. I’m not feeling any pain. And she said, yeah, I feel like it’s a  strength issue at this point, we have to build up that strength, which was already not there when I fractured my ankle. So then when I was three weeks in a boot, it just extra atrophied, what  very little muscles I had there.  But I loved the physical therapy because everyone who was there  at the physical therapy center was either really old or really messed up, um, messed up and like they broke a whole arm.

And so I felt very successful, but I feel like in a regular gym setting, that is not how I would feel like. I would feel like I would be the weakest animal of the bunch, for sure. I’m the one that’s not gonna make it in Darwinism as it were.

Francis: I actually think that you might enjoy a fitness class if they were all at your level, which I guess in this case is just like people who are disabled or, or 

Alana: Or really old. Yes. Like there were decrypted people, so I felt so good about myself. I’m like, wow, look at me go against this 82 year old. Like, it was weird, but I felt so successful. I totally get the benefit. I felt so good after. I’m a competitive person, but that’s the only setting I can succeed in.

Francis:  Take that grandma!

Alana: Yeah, fuck Grandma! Jesus. Or people who were  real sports players who got into a horrible accident. For me, I stepped on some slightly elevated sidewalk and that’s why I was there.

 Yeah, exercise has been a funny journey for me, but I feel like it’s been a constant journey or a long time journey for you, right? Like you’ve always been super fit.

Francis: Well, I can’t say that I’ve always been super fit, but  growing up, I had a very military upbringing, but I never was really interested in the physical aspect or even the military in general. My childhood was defined by just  geeky interests, like Sailor Moon and Dragon Ball Z, and also a rebellion to my father, which entailed, not caring about physical fitness, not caring about anything masculine at all and just ignoring any overtures to that side of my life.

 That was my rebellion.  I do remember one year, this was like, I think sophomore or junior year of high school, that my dad made me work out one summer. Like he made me lift weights in our own home and had me do some… I don’t even know what the exercise is called, this is how much I didn’t care, but it was curls, like bicep curls. He was having me do some bicep curls and some basic  weightlifting workouts. And I remember coming back to school that year and people were commenting on how good I looked. But once school started, like I dropped that like immediately and didn’t even think about it.

Alana: Yeah, you weren’t into it.

Francis: no, no. And then, but the next time that I had to think about it really was when I get into college and for my ROTC scholarship, when you’re the military, you do have to maintain a level of fitness. There’s  a minimum standard that you have to maintain.

And that’s when I had to get really into it.   Because my scholarship was on the line, my dad had told me that if I did not get that scholarship, he wasn’t willing to pay for anything else for my college.

So it was either get this scholarship or start taking out loans.  Because I  was faced with this choice , I was like, let me go ahead and just try to get as physically fit as I can.

And actually my college years, I was probably the fittest I ever been.   I will say once I got into working out more, or at least maintaining a physical fitness regimen, you do see the benefits of it.  I feel better when I work out, even though I opened  this episode with like, fuck working out. I feel overall, my general outlook, my general demeanor,  I feel better, I feel a little bit more confident. But there’s a certain level of discipline that’s required as well, because God knows, like I fucking hate running. I fucking hate working out to the point of your muscles failing.

Like it’s the worst feeling in the world. And I also want to eat whatever the fuck I want to eat.   The worst part about physical fitness for me is trying to keep up with a diet.  Otherwise, you’re missing out on the other half of the coin here, which is diet, which is one of the most important parts of physical fitness.

But if you put a pizza in front of me, I’m not going to be like, well, you know, counting my calories today, let me just have a bite of the crust or something. So yeah.

Alana: Well, but isn’t part of  being physically fit or having a regular exercise routine that you have to counteract the energy that you’re exerting with calories.  Obviously going to town on like candy or Funyuns, right. Definitely not equal to the good carbs, but, but can’t you also then eat whatever the heck you want if you’re regularly exercising or is that a lie that they tell us on infomercials or in school?

Francis: So very generally speaking,  if you are trying to lose weight,  if you burned 900 calories and you consume 900 calories, you’re not going to lose weight. In order for you to lose weight, you need to consume less than the amount of calories that you’re burning, right?

Like you’re working off the calories and you don’t want to replace those calories. You want to eat less than you’re burning off.  So yeah, generally speaking, if you eat 900 calories and you keep everything the same.  That’s the status quo.  That’s exactly what you want. You want your body to just  keep going.

 There’s just so much more to it though. And that’s where it starts getting a little complicated. There’s these things called macro nutrients. 

  I think the three macro nutrients are carbs, proteins, and fats, and you want to minimize the amount of fats that you’re getting in,  if you’re  lifting, you want to maximize the amount of protein that you get in.  It starts getting into very mathematical things.

 I don’t know if you knew this, but I actually did that for a little bit one year 

Alana: Really? Oh, when? I don’t know if I remember this 

Francis: About four years ago, I was actively logging every single thing of that I was eating and it’s definitely a lot to get into.

And for me personally, I do have a very active social calendar that does not involve eating in all the time.  During normal times, I’d go out to restaurants, I’d go out to bars and I want to eat whatever I want to eat.

I’m going to drink whatever I want to drink. And it’s just hard to maintain  tracking your nutrients, checking your calories, and also try to maintain an active social life.  When I go to a restaurant, I don’t necessarily know  how many calories are in a dish. So  it just makes it really hard to be able to do that.

Alana: Wait. So were you counting calories for weight loss? Cause you never been overweight the entire time we’ve been friends. And just toot Francis’s own horn, uh, Francis is the most fit person I have ever met. And I know.  In fact, one time I remember, we were sitting and watching a movie.

It was a scary movie and we were all  huddled on a couch together.   And something scary happened in the movie. It was a rare moment in time in which I was physically touching Francis. Cause I was  holding his arm cause I was scared.

And it was a rare moment in that he was allowing that to happen and it didn’t knock me away. And so I’m  holding Francis’s arm and something scary happens and we both jumped. And so I feel Francis his arm contract from being scared. And it was just all muscles.

 So I’m surprised about the calorie thing, but was it just for health reasons or was it weight loss? Cause yeah, you’ve always been the strongest person. I know you can kick anyone’s ass.

Francis:  I’m telling you this. And I guess I feel not hesitation. Like I don’t know what the feeling is and I’m not trying to hide anything from you, but I feel a little bit of trepidation about revealing this. 

Alana: Oh my God. We’re revealing some trues on the podcast. I love. Okay. Let’s go. 

Francis: The year that I was doing that, I went and got a physical and at that time, my weight kind of fluctuates between 1 45 and one 50. And for me  that’s been very typical.

  When I was younger than my college age, I was around one 40 ish. And so  towards adulthood, I’d gained five, 10 pounds, but knowing about the amount of exercise I do do even at that time I wasn’t super concerned. I was still in the military. I was still actively working out. 

 But when I went to the doctor, he measured me, he weighed me and I think it was a 1, 1 51 or something at that time. And he said that my BMI, my body mass index put me just into overweight, just one number into overweight.

And I sort of obsessed over that really.  I was just like, I can’t believe that I’m at that point, let me try to work out more, let me try to do this and the count my calories and figure out what I’m doing wrong, because I had never thought of myself like that. 

Alana: But did that also count muscle weight because muscles weigh more than fat . And so that’s where Arnold Schwartzenegger, for example, would weigh like a crazy amount.  Like he would be regarded as obese, but he’s all muscle. So then he’s not. So it wasn’t that the case for you or did they do the little pincer thing?

 Francis:  That’s a good point.  BMI  isn’t held up as  a good way for measuring somebody’s body fat content. It’s a standard that is very much based on outdated concepts.

 I think like  the standard is actually more applied to  white men and it really only applies to a certain body type. And so just the straight number of comparing your weight to your height is meaningless in terms of body fat and if you’re overweight or obese. 

Alana: Got it. 

Francis: Yeah. And  I knew that at the time because in the military, if you do reach a certain BMI,  they do the pincer, the body fat measurement test,  where they pinch  a part of your waist to see how much body fat is there .

But for me personally, it was just a shock to the system. Like I had never been in that range before, even BMI wise and I put a lot of emphasis on that, even though I knew in my logical mind that that didn’t make any sense.  And that’s where I just started obsessing over it a little.

 I did put in a lot of effort trying to learn more about BMI, trying to learn about macronutrients and counting calories. And I think  the hard part about  that lifestyle,  it’s a lot to just take in and good on you for, if you are the type of person that is interested in that kind of stuff, it’s certainly helpful.

But for me,  it wasn’t conducive to my lifestyle. I couldn’t reconcile trying to do all of that. Trying to devote a lot of time into personal fitness and dieting between everything else that I wanted to do in terms of work, in terms of hanging out with my friends, in terms of going to see my family who at that time, they didn’t give a fuck about the kind of food that they were eating. 

Alana: What is your current relationship then with exercise?  Is it just a great practice and  it helps you mentally or emotionally taking a break and just focusing on you?

And I always thought that was a lie just to trick people into exercising, but no, the scientists and doctors are not lying. It’s true. You dumb bitch. Like why did it take 30 years?  

 Or is there a health aspect or is it a combination of both?  What is your outlook now?

Francis: I want to get back into my routine.  After this year that we’ve had, I want to start feeling like I can have a normal life again and just get back into working out and feeling like I can start doing things and having things that are under my control.

 And I’ll be honest with you.  Another aspect of it  maybe a little bit of the pandemic, maybe a little bit of just  my own unresolved feelings over my BMI, but every time I step on that scale and I see the one 50, I always think about that moment where the guy was like, yeah, you’re a little overweight by  a point.   He didn’t say it in malice, but I think about that a lot when I look at the scale  

Alana: Oh, that’s not fun. 

Francis: It’s not A bad thing  cause  I’m not changing my diet. I refuse to, but a lot of people have it a lot worse than I do. And  it’s a weird feeling, right?  To be in that  arbitrary standard and know that that standard exists, right? Like people are measuring you against it, whether you want to or not, and feeling like you have to work really, really, really hard in order to get there.

 When I was  at the peak of doing my working out and trying to diet,  I had only gotten down to 1 45,  I just lost five pounds. And that was what was the difference for me. But it’s hard to maintain that for me too, because when you get older, it’s just not easy to continue to do that without a hard look at your own life. 

And so going back to your question about your relationship with exercise and diet,  I think I just really want to be able to get back into it  and go back to feeling a sense of control over my life.

And even if I can’t get back to 1 45 or one 40,  it’s a matter of  mental health at this point, I think.

Alana: Yeah, that makes sense. And I feel like that’s where everyone’s at right now that the vaccine rollout is underway and things are opening up and we’re all just a little excited just to remember what things were like before.  A sense of normality cause it’s been the weirdest time.  It’s been a lot, it’s been a hectic hectic year.

Francis: It really has. 

 So turning the lens to you. I know you’ve been doing physical therapy since the start of the year. Do you want to get into a little bit of why you started doing that?

Alana: Absolutely.  So I’ve been working out since January of this year and that’s been really great. So my relationship with exercise,  going back before 20 21, all of Allana’s life prior to 2021, my relationship with exercise was  non-existent, I didn’t play sports as a kid. I wasn’t very interested.

I’m a competitive person, but you put some sort of form of a ball in front of me and I just don’t care.  I don’t have a very high endurance. So I would get tired and then I would just get over it. I’m just like, this doesn’t matter to me. Can I go home now? Can I write fan fiction? Can I watch anime? 

  I just was never into sports as a kid. My parents tried very hard, God bless them, but it wasn’t for me. The only thing I have done really up until 2021 is that I go on walks. I go on a lot of walks.

 Pre pandemic, I was walking at least two miles a day  and that was it. And every year I was going to see my doctor and he would say, oh, have you started doing exercise and not because anything about my weight, I’m actually, I usuallytrend a little bit underweight.  My doctor would just say, Hey,   it might be good to do things other than walking, you know? Cause it’s just good for you. It’s good  to get the heart pumping. It’s good to get your heartbeat up and just in the longevity of your life, it’s better to exercise than to not exercise. 

Francis: And  your mom before had a very specific way of thinking about women working out, didn’t she? She pretty much didn’t want you to get muscles.

Alana: So my mom has  been working out for a long time. She actually learned about working out back in the seventies, her uncle was  real big into fitness. He was a personal trainer at a gym. So in the seventies and eighties, my mom learned all about the different ways that you work out.

but yeah, I don’t know about the muscle thing… probably. That sounds like my mother old world, like kitchen with a view that sounds like some shit that she would say. I just can’t recall it exactly.

Francis:  I guess  we talked about this in some other conversation, but I think that’s one of the reasons why you never lifted anything in your life because I guess it was either a woman’s job to not lift anything and it was a man’s job, but I  always thought it was because of also you were a woman and you should not have  a muscular figure.

 And like you were saying like that’s very much an old world mentality. My parents had that very same mentality for my sisters actually. And that’s why I had to do a lot of the heavier lifting when it came to that sort of stuff. Not that my youngest sister, Alex, adheres to that, she’s pretty much a bodybuilder now.

And if you look at her, she is  ripped, but that’s something that they would always tell her is like, Alex, don’t get any muscles. Muscles don’t look good on a woman. ,

Alana: And now you’re reminding me that. Yeah, my mom would never let me go and lift heavy things. And so that is  what I attribute to me being weak and bird-like is because I never had to lift anything. I grew up with three boys. And so all of my brothers always did all of the heavy lifting.

And so my mom was just like, oh, don’t lift that. Let the boys do that.  There are things that men do. There are things that women do.  

 I will say that my mom did tell me, Alana now you’re married. You have to stay in shape. You have to do XYZ and to keep the man interested and blah, blah, blah, and all this, and totally  old school mentality. I dunno how to describe it.  

Francis: Almost like stereotypes

 Alana:  Gender roles, I guess Right. 

Francis: Yeah, yeah, Something like that. Yeah.

Alana: We’re meant to be pretty and be slim or whatever. That’s always been my mom in the back of my mind.  So my relationship has been pretty, whatever, cause I just walk and that was fine. And then my doctor just saying, Hey, might be good to utilize some of those other muscles in there. Maybe you can lift things on your own instead of having to wait for a brother or a husband to do those things.

Francis: Maybe you can actually help people move instead of just carrying out a couple of pillows.

Alana:  If my wingspan feels particularly large that day, yes. Like maybe I could do other things.  I’m usually a very self-sufficient person. And so one would think that would  inspire me in and of itself. But I guess my mom really got into my head and was like, no, you don’t ever have to do that.

And I thought, okay, great love that love one aspect of my life, where I don’t have to do things but it would be good to do those things and to be self-sufficient. 

So 2020 comes around and it’s very stressful. And towards the end of that year, I was very hell bent on getting a therapist. I knew I needed some therapy.

I was going crazy and I had talked about it.  Even on the radio show, you can hear me saying, I should probably go back to therapy. And it was really towards the end of 2020, where I was like, I meet a therapist like I’m researching therapists. I’m reaching out to people. Everyone is naturally incredibly busy.

 No one is getting back to me and I’m losing my damn mind. Truly. I feel like I’m going crazy. After a while I decide, oh, I have to change something like it’s 20, 21. And there’s so much going on and everything’s terrible.

And January six had just happened and I thought I need to go and see a personal trainer. And so I started seeing a personal trainer. It’s actually Harley’s personal trainer that he started seeing. 

I forget when, I guess sometime in September. And it was around the same time that he went to see the doctor and he changed his diet and he started doing personal training.

And so, I just was like, oh, okay,  I know that,  Harley sees this person.  I’ll just go and see this person.   I just can’t keep walking in circles and thinking that’s going to make me feel better.

  I remember  the first session was  an evaluation and he had me do this fitness test, which is a nationwide fitness test. I forget what it’s formerly called.

It’s something like a standardized fitness scale kind of thing. One of the exercises, which I remember I was describing to Francis, I was making him laugh so hard was he had me go and put one arm, like bent  behind my back and then the other arm is under my head and I’m trying to  reach my two hands to hold each other. And he said, hold that position for, I don’t know, 10 seconds. And my arms were sore from just being in that position.

I was like, oh, wow, this is so difficult. Uh, what is happening? 

Francis: Were you just stretching? Was that it?  You were just stretching your, 

Alana: I think that is what the experts would qualify this as. It’s literally stretching, not lifting anything, just stretching. He had me go and put this long bar type thing and he’s like, oh yeah, put this against your back.

And then just  lean forward. And then once you can’t lean or once your back goes away from the bar, then stop. And that was really difficult. And he told me to stand on one foot and then the other one and just like basic things.

Francis: Did you just say stand on one foot? Like keep one foot grounded and keep the other foot up or something like that?

 Alana: I don’t think he did. I don’t know if I told the story about the sitting and the standing, but literally one of our first sessions was like,  not doing squats.

Let me have you sit down and stand up. So that was my level.  I think the average person’s score, he told me was 14 and my score was nine. And so I had failed the fitness test and he was like, okay, this is where we’re starting from. This is good. This was to get a sense for him where we were starting at.

and yeah, it’s been a journey ever since. Now I do formal squats, but yeah.

Francis: still can’t believe you can’t stand on one foot.

I have a hard time seeing that. 

Alana: listen. What we discovered at the end of the fitness test is that I lack mobility and stability. He said, your stability is just not great.

And that’s probably why when you stepped on some slightly uneven sidewalk, you immediately fell. Like people have the stability to catch themselves and you just fell. And I was like, yup. That’s why some people break their body doing actual exercise. And I failed at walking one night and that was just it.

I was done for two and a half months. So yeah, your girl had some trouble.

Francis: How are things going now? Like how often do you go to see him? And what kind of exercise are you guys doing now that you’re six months into physical therapy.

Oh, wait, 

Alana: or working out 

Francis: Okay. I was just making sure, cause  it sounds like physical therapy to me. Cause like, all you’re doing is sitting up and standing, sitting down and standing up. 

Alana: the basics are where we had to start before we got into  the real working out shit.  This guy actually works out of a physical therapy center and because of COVID he only sees one person at a time.

So then I don’t feel embarrassed or weird about comparing myself to other people  and he’s very understanding and very much like, I want you to tell me what you want to improve upon or things that hurt or things that are too hard. And I’m a very vocal person when it comes to that because I am weak.

 Which he says, you’re not weak. You’re just fatigued. And I’m like, thank you. I’m the strongest bitch alive. This is great. Um, and so 

Francis: This  standing up and sitting down is just too hard. So fatigued.

Alana: I seriously. And it’s so funny too, because Harley and I actually see him on the same day. So he’ll see Harley first and then I’ll work out with him afterwards.  Harley is on a very different workout regimen because Harley is a lot more in shape than I am, even though he weighs a lot more. He is overweight.  He’s very muscular. He’s always been very muscular.  He used to do weightlifting and high school and work out with a personal trainer and even did competitive weightlifting.

So I’ll see him going with these big weights in this bar. And then personal trainer will hand me two 10 pound weights in both my hands. And he’s like, okay, I just want you to walk up and down, in the little workout center.

And I said, you don’t want me to lift? And he’s like, no, I just want you to walk. I want you to feel the weight and just  get used to that. And then I was tired afterwards. Recently in a workout thing, he brings over 15 pound weight and I go, what is that? And he said, okay, calm down. Don’t worry. You’re going to like this workout. And I said, okay, well, what am I doing? And he said, I just want you to hold it and then stand up on this stool and then step down.

At one point I go, I can’t do it. And he’s like, I don’t want to hear, I can’t like, you have to at least try. I’m like fine. It was really hard. I had to do it one step, I guess. How do you do a stand? Otherwise, I was like, I had to do it one foot at a time, but like, how do you do a step?

Francis:  How big was the step?  Like a normal stairs kind of step, just like few 

Alana:  Yeah, exactly. Like it’s a stool. Like it’s just a regular step. It wasn’t a high stool or anything like that. He’s just like, yep. I just want you to step not jump up, not both legs at the same time.

Just do one step. Not lifting the weights either. Like literally holding them at my side. And so then I said, this is too hard and he’s like, okay, you can do one weight at a time. And that helped. So,

Francis: Okay. Alana. I’m I’m a little shocked.  Surely there must have been a time in your life where you had to carry something up the stairs, like 10 pounds, 15 pounds. 

Alana: No, but I never lift heavy things. 

Francis:  You weren’t even lifting it. You were headed to your side. Imagine if you were carrying  a bag and you had to go up some stairs, like that’s what that is, right?  That’s what you’re replicating.

Alana: Yeah. I would make Harley do it. Like literally my life I’ve always lived with men. And part of living with me means you do all the heavy lifting and by heavy lifting. I mean, everything that is seven pounds plus. Honestly, even five pounds. I’m like, can you get this? Like Amazon packages, Harley was Joakim.

You go and bring it in. It’s not that heavy. You can get them like, um, abso-fucking-lutely not like, I’ll just touch it. Like go to pick it up. I’m like, oh no, it’s really on there. Like the ground it’s like cemented on there. It’s like, oh, but it’s only 10 pounds. I’m like, yeah. Sounds like your problem.

Not mine.

Francis: Oh, my gosh. 

Alana: I know when I told my personal trainer about it,  he said, yeah, I definitely think that there’s a neurological block for sure. And that’s actually a thing. Like you can have a neurological block to certain things.

 My whole life basically just saying I’m too weak for this became my little logical block and made me just a weak little  person. 

Francis: and I guess that, explains why you were so defensive when he came over with the 15 pound weights. You were just not ready. Yeah.

Alana: Absolutely. And I did ask my  personal trainer can I still make Harley and do all the heavy lifting? And he said, you can do whatever you want. But I feel like you’ll be happier in the long run being able to carry things and like, I guess you’re right.

Fine. We’ll do it. It’s very funny. 

Francis: so what is your goal for this then? Do you have a set goal  for your time with your personal trainer? Are you going to say like, okay, by the end of this, I’m going to be able to carry 20 pounds up the stairs or something like that. Am I going to be able to sit up, sit, sit down and stand up a hundred times.

Alana: Oh my gosh. Um, yeah, I mean, I would like to be just a little bit. Stronger and self-sufficient because I am a self-sufficient lady. And even though my mom has conditioned me to make all of the men in my life do the heavy lifting, I would like to get out of that because sometimes  Harley goes into the office and I don’t currently, so that means eight hours a day, it’s just me and the cat. The cat can’t  change out the water bottle or bring in something heavy from Amazon. So like, it would be nice to be the master of my own destiny, but it’s really just to get stronger  at the basic basic level.

Francis:  And all of those Amazon packages  that come in the middle of the day, anybody listening to this podcast now knows to just steal it off of your front porch because you’re not going to be able to do anything.

Alana: Yeah, that’s going to be sitting there until 5:00 PM,  during the weekdays, like, please make it a Saturday delivery. Cause otherwise that is living there for the rest of the day. Um, yeah,  they pile up Francis and they get really heavy and I just can’t bear it. And also my cat is 12 pounds.

 If it’s to the point where I can’t carry my cat, I mean, I just think there’s a problem. I should be able to pick up my cat. If she gets to be 15 pounds and then I can’t pick up my cat, like what’s going to happen. 

Francis: You actually bring up a good point cause you also want to have a kid at some point. You should be able to carry your kid when they’re just 15 pounds

Alana: Oh, I’ve talked about this with my personal trainer. I said, well, what happens when we have kids? And he said, this is why it’s great that you’re getting into fitness now, because  kids, they do get heavy.

And the thing with kids is that they’re really small, but they’re incredibly dense.   

And so I said, oh my God, what’s gonna happen when I have kids, can I just make Harley hold the baby the whole time? And he said, well, that’s why you’re doing this. I imagined so you can hold your kid.  

Francis: Not even just carrying the kid physically when the kid is born.  What about when you’re pregnant? Cause, uh, this is me being a little bit naive into pregnancy, but I would assume that you’re going to need some level of strength once you get into your third trimester.

Otherwise you’re probably going to be bedridden for awhile. Um,

Alana: Yeah. 

Francis: Which I can’t imagine that being the most ideal scenario for you, I think you would go fucking crazy.

Alana: Exactly. Yeah. And I think any doctor would say pregnant woman should be bred written unless like there’s other sorts of a physical ailment where you need to be bedridden, but otherwise they’re like, no, you should be moving around.  It’s good for you to be mobile and active and to just not be in bed.

And that is something that has come up between Harley and I.  I said, Harley, what’s going to happen when I get pregnant. It’s like, oh God, I. I can already hear the complaints. Like it’s, it’s going to be so hard for you. Like, I hope that it’s great for you, but  you’re so weak you really need to get that in order.

 I don’t know how you’re going to survive.  And the fact that  me as a normal person,  sometimes I can put things into perspective, but sometimes small and very insignificant things really pissed me off. And he’s like, I can imagine when you have hormones that are actually making a crazy, like, you’re going to be a mess.

So please , Get yourself in line, get active and whatnot,  just for your own good, for all of our goods. Cause it’s going to be a fucking ride. Otherwise. Yes. I have thought about that Francis. What if I just so come to the weight of my own body and I just, I give up, but like halfway through, I’m just like, you know what, I’m going to peace out until this kid comes like by fucking funnel food into me and leave me alone.

Like, oh, I’ve already thought about that. Uh, so as Harley.

Francis: And I know that  you are not going to enjoy that. You’re like, oh my God. Do you remember when your mom hurt her leg? Well, and granted you are on the opposite side of that having to take care of your mom, but you would essentially be your mom in that scenario. And I think there’s only so much patience just Harley has. He’s a chill dude, but  I think that would wear thin pretty, pretty quickly.

Alana: I know, oh my God. And if I’m dramatic now and I’m emotional now, I can’t even imagine. It’s crazy. 

And that’s really what I’m interested in seeing as my character development, this new subplot in my anime, a main character animated story. But, uh, yeah, so that’s really what I’m in it for. It’s just so I can be a slightly more fit per not even fit because I think I just am trying to become a regular person, like a fit person with like, have more like this would all be, this won’t even be part of the conversation.

I just need to be a regular fucking person. Like regular people can carry things

Francis: your bare minimum is just being able to do normal people, stuff. Being able to kick, carry 15 pounds up a set of stairs.

Alana: Exactly. Literally, I was like, I can’t. And he’s like, well, don’t say I can’t until you at least tried. This is just stepping up, not moving your arms. It is stepping up. Like, you’re going to have to give me a try here. And I said, okay, it’s only because I like you. 

Francis: And you’re also paying him money.

Alana: Exactly. Yeah,  it’s doing wonders for me.  I do ask them like, oh, do you see improvements? He said, oh, absolutely.  There are certain things that when we first started, you’re doing more reps of them. I’ve been slowly increasing the weight of the weights that you’re holding.

 I definitely see improvement, lunges don’t distract me. Oh my God. Lunches are so fucking hard. I hate them. They were really hard in physical therapy. They’re really hard now, but I’m able to do that. He was noting like, oh, you’re able to do those with weights and all that. So like before I couldn’t even just do it as a single, oh my God.

He gave me like a walking stick. Initially I was doing lunches. He’s like, here’s a walking stick. Cause I would just fall over. He would have to like. What is the thing when you spec someone or something like he would have to walk up beside me when I first started doing lunges to make sure I wouldn’t fall over.

Cause I would fall over like doing a lunch, um, just down the workout center. And I was like, can I be done? He was like, let’s can you do it one more time? I’m like, okay, well you’re just going to have to follow me and catch me bitch. Um, he’s very sweet and very patient. Thank God. Cause I’m a very special case.

 Yeah, he says there’s been a lot of improvement, but I definitely think I’m not at regular people level yet. And it’s especially funny that some of the exercises are the same we’ll do sometimes, but with Harley there’s  added weight. For everything like he’ll do a clam shells, like we will both do.

And there was one time I said, oh I think it’s so interesting Harley that he adds this a wraparound wait for Harley when he does clamshells, but for me he doesn’t add any weight or I don’t get anything wrapped around my leg. I just do it. And I was like, oh, I wonder why that is.

Francis: What’s a clamshell? 

Alana: Oh, a clamshell is where  you’re laying on your side and you have your knees up 90 degrees and they’re on top of each other and you just raise the upper leg up in the air and then you raise it back down.

And so you’re working out your hip flexors and your  thigh. Um, and so yeah, you just do that. I forget how many reps we do, but it’s just like lifting it up. And so for Hurley hill wrap around this weight, but for me, I’ll just do it. And then I realized as I was speaking, oh, it’s because gravity is the weight. For me, it is the weight of my own thigh that I am working against a weight attached and Harley just started laughing his ass off. And he was just like, yeah, we’re on different workout levels, honey. It’s just, it’s going to be that way for a bit you know? 

Francis: I honestly I don’t think your goal is to ever be at Harley’s level. It sounds like Harley’s probably operating at above normal people standards. You just need to be a normal person. 

Alana: I really do. Yeah. I just need to do normal things. I need to not be sore when I stretch, like Francis he’ll have me do stretches and I’m like, wow. I’m like sore. And he’s like, yeah, that’ll go away. I’m like, you should probably stretch every day. And I’m like, but it’s hard. It’s like, yeah, it needs to not be hard.

It’s stretching or 

Francis: Yeah, 

Alana: homegirl, like love 

Francis: I know 

Alana.  I don’t think your parents had a restriction on stretching. Yeah,

Alana: No for sure. Not like my mom, wasn’t saying don’t stretch. That’s a man’s job. Like, no, I, the bare minimum is like stretching and not feeling it the next day for sure.  He actually told me, why don’t you do that at home? Like two to three times a week. I still have yet to do it. It’s probably why I’m still behind 

Francis: He’s probably like stop wasting my time Allana with these stretches and just do it at home. So we don’t have to do it at our sessions anymore. 

Alana: He even told me, when we’re here, we can use the equipment. We can do these things that you can’t do at home, because live in a small apartment, like, and you know, I’m here to help you, however you want to be helped. But if you just want to stretch, like we’ll do it. Like it truly, like that has been a conversation

like he is so kind, he said in the Mo the kindest most loosely correct way, which is why he is so good. I love him so much, but yeah…

Francis: That’s honestly nice of him because from a personal trainer standpoint, if I had you as a client and that was all you would be interested in, I’d be like, it’s your freaking money. Like I’m here to help you. But if all you want to do is stretching that’s on you.

Alana: Yeah. Like if you want company, while you stretch, like, okay, give me your money. But we could also do other things, use this equipment, like all this expensive equipment.

Francis:   The goal that I am going to set for you is I’m going to send you a present to your door and it’s going to be a great present, but the only way that you can get it is if you can lift it through the threshold of your door without Harley’s help. Otherwise, you know, you’re not gonna, you’re not gonna see it.

You’re not going to be allowed to touch it. Um, yeah, we’ll see, you know what, it’s going to be something you can, it’s going to be something you need to put into your office 

and it’s going to be 

Alana: Oh, Francis 

stop. You’re not you’re joking. Well, how will 

you ensure that? Like, I won’t get Harley to do it. How will you ensure that? If I, if I know it came from you and you’ll be like, look like, do not, you’ll write on the package. Like Harley do not touch only a line. I must lift this. Like she must take it to the top of the mountain into her office and like, no one else.

Oh,

Well, the worst part is that I recently moved and I booked professional movers for the first time in my life. Well, now I look at everything and I go, oh my God. But do we need movers? Like, I look at everything now and I go, wow, should we get 

Francis: Wait, Wait, Wait, you were in the part of your like moving process right now where you’re unpacking things. And so you’re unpacking these boxes and you’re asking yourself if you need movers to move the things that you’re unpacking somewhere else.

Alana: so Yeah, I’ve definitely thought about that. And then also, um, Yeah. I mean, truly like I, everything that’s in my office, I’m like, gosh, I really hope that this is meant for my office.

Cause otherwise I don’t know how I’m going to get it out of me. Like, can I book movers for very specifically? Can you just move this from the downstairs to the upstairs? That seems like a waste of their time, but like, do they do it? Is there a service where you can just book for like one-off situations and Harley’s like a wanna stop.

I’m like, please stop. I can do this or you can do this. We can do this together. Um, it’s been an interesting journey in our marriage. My inability to hold weight past, uh, 10 pounds.

Francis: Honestly, like, I think that, um, there is a service that exists like that. If you look on task rabbit, you can hire anybody to do any most miscellaneous things that you want them to

Alana: Really. That’s great. I think I want to move my bed, but I’m like scared. Cause it’s heavy probably.

Francis: would I, would I judge you for doing something like that for trying to move your mattress up the stairs? Probably

Alana: not even talking about moving my mattress up the Sears. I’m just saying, moving it slightly because we don’t have our nightstands

yet, but I’m going to buy them and also we have to adjust it slightly or else it’s going to be off. 

Francis: you mean, you mean adjusting the placement of your bed in your room? You’re not 

Alana: Yeah. Like moving it to the slightly red to the 

Francis: oh my God. Yeah. 

Alana: that, oh, is that crazy? Oh my God. You’re 

vaccinated. You’re coming

over and you’re doing it. Which hardly goes, we can take off the mattress. Like, you know, it’s not the whole thing. I’m like, yeah. But isn’t the frame heavy. And he’s like, I don’t think he understands best work. Just like everything seems really heavy if it’s like bigger than my wingspan, like my arms it’s heavy.

Francis:  I have no idea how you’ve survived these past 30 years.  I knew that you were doing personal training and I knew you were easily fatigued as your personal trainer would put it. But I just did not realize the extent in which you really do not move things at all in your life.  I’m a little flabbergasted like you really aren’t going to move your bed until you can get me over there.

Alana:  Probably and most hardly convinces me. He can do it or one of my brothers can come over. But yeah, otherwise that’s where it lives forever. I know it’s crazy. And I also have this thing, I think it goes back to my neurological blockage, but also if things appear or literally, I do think I have a block where I’m like, oh, if it’s wider than my arms or  if it might be heavy that I just automatically go, oh, it’s heavy.

Like our table, you remember my table and a little breakfast nook in my apartment. It’s not big table. It’s actually quite a small table. And I went in, I was like, oh, the movers are here. And it was the one thing in my kitchen. I wanted to get out so that I could put my cat in there and whatever it was a whole thing and then I tried lifting. I’m like, oh actually, can you get this? For instance, it’s a tiny, four by four, shitty Ikea table. And I was just like, yeah, you’re going to have to come in here. Can I get some help please?

 Like, it’s the one area of my life where  I totally subject myself to not being self-sufficient. I love being in control, being a self-sufficient person. Can’t do it with heavy things. Gonna have to wait for you. Harley brothers, dad. Um, my mom, oh my God.  The amount of times I’m like, oh mom, I can’t help you.

And she’s been having back problems or she like hurt her back recently. And so she’ll have to go and do it. I’m like, sorry, mom, your story younger than me, like lifting the big 42 pound thing of water. I’m like, oh, sorry, mom. You’re just, you’re way stronger than I’ll ever.

Francis: Okay.

But she only has herself to blame for that.

Alana: that’s true. Maybe that’s why she’s giving me shit about it. Like the one aspect of my life she hasn’t given me shit about, I love my mother but she does give me a lot of shit. About a lot of things, but we love her for it. She just tells the truth. But that one, 

Francis: she’s great. 

Alana: let it slide with me. I mean, what the fuck, if I were to get a tackling, it’d be over.

Right? Like I can’t run very fast

Francis:

mean 

Alana: not strong.

Francis: the, I mean, that’s not untrue. You pro it would probably be very easy to kidnap you probably be. 

I’m not even sure that you 

would. Yeah. I’m not like, even if you wanted to fight back, I’m not sure that you’d be strong enough to fight back. Like, I’m pretty sure it’d be like very easy to just kidnap you.

Alana: Yeah, no. Like sometimes I’ll, you know, Harley and I will be playful or be like, oh, you know, silly or whatever. I’ll give them like a playful punch. And to me I’ll feel like, oh, I punched him really hard, like by accident in the heat of the moment, um, playfully, we don’t, you know, 

Obviously hit each other. But, um, but to me, it’ll like the force of my hand will feel like it went really hard.

He’ll go, oh my God, I’m so sorry. And he’ll always laugh and he’ll go. That, that was nothing Allana. And, um, or sometimes I’ll go and I’ll react to something like, oh, let me like what that was like, I will hurt myself more than I will hurt someone else. If I like throw a real punch or no, that must’ve been it.

Like Harley was like, oh, you know, I want to see what your punches lately punch me and I’ll punch him. And he’s like, that was nothing. I’m like, oh, my hand hurts now. Like, fuck this. Or if I gave a really aggressive high five, oh my God, I am

Francis: Yeah. You’re You’re

like those cartoons, you know, like those cartoons where somebody like hits like, like the smaller character hits, like the bigger character and he hurts 

himself. Yeah. You’re exactly like that. You’re the, you’re the personification of that.

Alana: I’m cartoonishly weak, like give me a really aggressive high five. And I’m like out that hurts for the rest of the day. And it’s a high five.   It’s crazy. I haven’t I’m like prime for the kidnapping. God, I hope no kid nevers hear this and like, come find me. I actually try and come by me.

Cause if I’m with Francis or Harley, you’re going to get your ass beat. So can try me bitch. I will just hide behind those guys,

Francis: I mean, we’ve given away a lot of it. We’ve given away a lot of details here. People know now between if any packages come on your doorstep between eight and five, they’re gone. Like,

Alana: right? Yeah. 

Francis: I would say God, they’re they’re right. they’re right. For the picking

Alana: Exactly. I know. Harley’s like a lot of like, what would happen if you were ever anywhere? Alone and I wasn’t here. I’m like, I think I would just die, like before anyone would kidnap me or shoot me. Like, I think I would just die from like, oh, this is it. I’m done. Like, I might as well just die from 

shock or fear, like, 

cause I

Francis: you know, and my, my, first thing was like, maybe you should just get a gun, but you know, the recoil, the Rico from you trying to fire a gun would probably hurt you more than it hurt the, the

Alana: it really would guess. And if you look at my Fortnite a record, I probably wouldn’t hit them. And yeah, guns, like I went to this one camp where we shot guns and I was like, oh, I don’t like this. Like the force is really hard. So no thank you. And a lot of the really loud, I don’t like that. It hurts my ears.

Like I’m

Francis: So,

Alana: that character born with glass bones and paper skin. Like I’m literally that as a human being.

Francis: yeah, you couldn’t even protect yourself a lot of,

Alana: Really couldn’t.   If a sidewalk could fracture my ankle, like I think it’s pretty easy.  Minimal effort would be needed to like destroy me.

Francis:  You know, you do have one superpower though in it’s writing great fan fiction and having a great radio voice. So there you go.

Alana: thank you, Francis. I don’t, I’m not sure how it’ll help me if I ever got kidnapped or attacked in any way, but I guess we’re all just grateful that I go to bed at 9:00 PM and you will never see me anywhere by myself because probably I have someone carrying my purse because my purse is so heavy.

So yeah, I’m out there with like my dad or my brothers or Harley carrying my purse and everything I’ve ever brought anywhere, honestly.

Francis: Oh my gosh. That’s too funny.  Well I guess this is the start of a new subplot for us, uh, working out in our journey into working out, you know, 20, 21 is just the year of all these different subplots. I know we’ve alluded to it earlier.  We’ve got your housing journey to fully explore this year, which we haven’t started yet, but audience it’s coming and now we’ve got just us evolving as people have to include physical fitness.

So I’m pretty excited for this. I mean, this is just us going back to normal though. When she say like, this is just us being able to get back to the way we were before pandemic. So this is a interesting step for us. I think

Alana: Yeah, I think we’ve always been focused on growing as people. And  there was just a little bit of a setback because of pandemic because we were just confined to our homes. But yeah, now that we’re getting back out into the world and we can explore these new subplots and this new direction for character development, I’m very excited.

So what are the benchmarks of success like, should we check back in in six months and see if I can carry a 15 ne a 20 pound weight?

 Francis: Do you have the fitness desk somewhere that we can do?  Maybe for our first live episode is just record your, results.

Alana: That’s a really great idea. I think he keeps a record of everything. Like he has all the notes of how I failed or what my score is. I bet I could get those notes.

And then also comparatively look at the new nodes and we can go through together. That’d be 

Francis: Yeah, let’s do it.  This will be our first podcast together, live in person, and it will be seeing how close to a normal person you are. I’m I’m 

Alana: I know, I’m so excited. I feel like so many people will be excited like Harley and my brothers and just everyone who’s like bitch taken your own Amazon packages. Okay. Like, come on. So yeah, I’m very jazzed about this new journey and I love that idea. I’m going to email him actually today and go, Hey, I’m going to need those digital copies of those notes because I have an idea. Oh God, that’ll be great.

Fanfiction, She Wrote

Summary

Francis and Alana dig deep into Alana’s fanfiction career. What draws her to the Yu-Gi-Oh fandom? They explore her motivations and influences and read through her followers’ reviews. NEVER any incest!

YouTube: https://youtu.be/x_E64-fzubI
Transcript: https://hqafradio.wordpress.com/2021/06/02/fanfiction-she-wrote

Transcription

Fanfiction, She Wrote

Francis: You don’t even watch Yu-Gi-Oh anymore. 

Alana: No, I don’t. I own in complete series and various manga and lots of Yu-Gi-Oh cards. So many Yu-Gi-Oh cards. In fact it filled up an entire box. I did not realize I had that many Yu-Gi-Oh cards for a girl who does not play Yu-Gi-Oh anymore. 

Francis: Can you sell them? 

Alana: Oh gosh. Yeah. I probably should do that. Shouldn’t I? 

Oh my God. Make some money. 

Francis: Are they worth something? 

Alana: There’s binders. There’s tens. There’s deck boxes. There’s just so many various Yu-Gi-Oh things that I own. It’s actually insane.

  I would like to transition to fan fiction. I did not know you would be recording this today, but I’m very excited to talk about it. I’m ready.

 (first question) 

Francis: Okay. So this is my first question for you. For Fanfiction.net, you’ve been keeping that up for so many years and we all on this podcast know that you are a huge Yu-Gi-Oh Stan.    For all of these years, why have you only focused on Yu-Gi-Oh fan fiction? 

Alana: Oh, yeah, my origin story. So as you guys have heard through the fan fiction series, I used to write fanfiction before I knew it was called fan fiction, or maybe I did. And it would just all live in my various notebooks that I wrote with gel pens or with my computer that only had access to the printer or the fluffy, this, I had a floppy disk drive and I would just write these things and I would go, wow, that was fun.

And I would just keep them all and thank God I did, because now they’re hilarious content for the show, but I used to write a variety of fanfiction for a variety of shows because I watched a lot of anime as a kid. And it wasn’t until I was I think it was 11 or 12 years old,  when I first started my fan fiction account. And the reason why that happened was because around the time I first got like really, really into Yu-Gi-Oh was around the same time I found out about Fanfiction.net. So I never knew it existed. Alana was just a budding fan fiction artist without having a name and without having a platform.

And I was perfectly happy to just write these things for myself. As you guys have found through this radio show, I just like doing things because I liked doing them. I like listening to my show because I like listening to about our friendship and that’s perfectly fine. But when I found out that there was a platform and a medium and an audience, I actually don’t even think I was thinking in terms of an audience.

I think I was just excited to have a place to post and keep a continuity of these stories. Because papers and notebooks can get lost in the shuffle and things moved around. So I just thought, oh, this is so cool that I can have an online kind of library my stuff.  And that was just it for me. It just sealed my fate. I’ve never written a fanfiction for anything else.

Francis:  Your first ones you started with Dragon Ball Z and then you  got into Yu-Gi-Oh. And so,  you have other ships in your back pocket. Like Carolyn Daryl is another big ship. For those of you don’t know, Carol and Daryl are characters from the comic book series, The Walking Dead, but also the TV show, which is how Alana got into them.

And she loved their brother sister relationship. Even though when you look at the entire series,  their relationship isn’t the main part of the series. Like it’s just these little bits here and there, but it’s not the main point of anything. But you never wrote a fan fiction about that, did you? 

Alana: No, I didn’t. I just did that one  video contest that we submitted for. And that was it. And, uh, yeah I’ve never felt very compelled, but that is another good and interesting point that I do fixate,  specifically within the realm of Yu-Gi-Oh fan fiction.

All of my stories, all 85 of them that are published online,  are centered around or a key component or key plot line is about the Kaiba Brothers. You know, Seto Kaiba is the main antagonist character and a main character within Yu-Gi-Oh.

But his relation with his brother is just. I sell glide.  Mokuba is clearly a foil character. He is just an accessory to Seto. That much is very much known. And so any plot line that involves Mokuba is not a main plot line to the show at all. If anything, it’s just lazy writing to get Seto somehow seemingly involved in the main plot, but that’s it he’s just used as a tool.

He’s a means to an end.  I saw that relationship and I thought that’s 85 stories worth. So half of which are multi chapter stories.

Francis: But, even your latest fan fiction, Wing Man, which you’re actively still working on.  Granted, it’s been what, two or three years that you’ve been  working this. 

 You still gravitate towards it even now in adulthood.  What keeps you writing this fan fiction, but specifically this particular brother flushed fan fiction?

Well, no  is Wing Man even brother fluff? Girl. I don’t know. I’m sorry. I feel like I should know. 

Alana: Okay. You’re not even a real fan. How dare you not be properly- 

Francis: Hold on. Can I pull something from my memory and hope that this is it? 

Alana: Yes, please. 

Francis: Is it Joey becoming Seto’s assistant or something? His wing man. 

Alana: Uh, yes, that is the overall direction it’s going in. Kind of, they have a dating competition. Will they get there? They hate each other. And this whole story is about them becoming friends in unforeseen and seemingly impossible circumstances because these two characters hate each other.

And I very much hate Joey. So it’s a new little challenge I took for myself, but Mokuba is still a key component to the plot line, he is pushing that plot forward. This is only happening because something is happening with Mokuba. Otherwise this would not even be on the table because obviously that’s where my interests lie.

Obviously.

Francis:  I listened to you see, like the hike. I kinda knew what happened. I knew Joey was in there. It could have been like a slew of other characters, like Yugi or something like that. 

Alana: Duke? The time I showed you a picture of the Cory and you go, oh, is that duke? Oh no. Oh no. Francis, you got to know what the characters look like. I’m sorry. It’s like, oh, is that Taya? That’s Tristin. That’s a totally different character. How dare you? 

Wait, sorry. What was your original question? Why do I still gravitate towards it? 

Francis:  Let’s focus on  Wing Man, for instance. 

Like you could totally write a different fan fiction around different characters, right? 

You’re at a point in your life, Alana , you’re 30. You’re at this point in your life for, you’ve probably evolved as a writer over time.

 So why do you continue to write in this particular universe with these characters?  It’s been a while since I’ve seen Yu-Gi-Oh the first season or however long ago that is, but  it’s a show made for kids. The characters themselves,  they’re not very complex.

So why continue to write and build novels around this particular set of characters?  You as a writer, I’m imagining you have  the ability to  create more characters and give them some depth and develop

Alana:  So on the one hand, yes, I do agree with the sentiment that Yu-Gi-Oh is not the best anime out there. They’re way better animes with much more in-depth and complex plot lines and characters and just general themes and ideas and characters.  I  know that for a fact,  it’s not  a really great show. It’s actually probably one of the worst ones out there

Francis: Well the thing is anime has also evolved over time. Right? 

Alana: So much 

Francis:  Now you’ve got  really mature animes that you can draw on.  You and I both love Full Metal Alchemist.

And  even though the demographic is  sort of tween ish, like the young adult-ish, it’s still a very good story overall, especially  Brotherhood, not the first one where the ending kind of sucks, but Brotherhood was just  a masterpiece and you can point to other ones too, where the storyline is just very mature.

The characters are very fleshed out and well thought of, and from start to finish, it’s just a very good anime. So what has continued to pull you in about Yugi  and his cast of characters that you want to continue writing about them?

Alana: Absolutely. Yeah.

And I think that’s a fair point.  Anime has matured as I have as a 30 year old woman and yet I still gravitate towards this. Now, the reason why I think I gravitate towards Yu-Gi-Oh is because it isn’t fleshed out. Like Full Metal Alchemist is a very full series. There are many things that happen. It’s a totally alternate universe with alternate sciences and logic and things that go on. And the author does a wonderful job of telling that story and having a fully complete ending, but  that doesn’t give me wiggle room to explore the characters because she does the work. She did it. Like we know it, we know where all these characters stand because she fully displays it. Whereas Yu-Gi-Oh is so lazily done that there is a green field. There’s a sea of opportunity of what we could explore. So that’s one thing. 

Now we can switch gears and go, okay. But your girl wrote Dragon Ball Z fan fiction, wrote G Gundam fan fiction, wrote Pokemon fan fiction, which are all lazily done.  There’s lots of opportunity of the shows I watched as a kid that present that sea of opportunity for me to go upon. Now, why does that mean of all the shitty animes I could write a fan fiction about I gravitate towards Yu-Gi-Oh. And I think the reason is that even though Mokuba is my favorite character,  if you just  look at it plainly, he’s very one dimensional, even though he is my favorite character, the most interesting character to me and multi-dimensional and just lots to explore and delve into is Seto. And so I feel like  while the show itself is not very evolved and very complex and very interesting, I think Seto is a very interesting character.  And even Kazuki Takahashi said that I based the character of Seto off of this guy I went to college with who just had this total  inferiority complex.

And he was really rich and he was a total jerk, but he was also really brilliant.  I just think he’s an incredibly interesting character that the show in five seasons really doesn’t do it justice, even though they have a whole season that wasn’t even in the manga that is essentially considered filler.

It’s not real season two with the whole Noah Ark and his whole backstory about being adopted and the stepbrother and whatever that never happened in the manga. That wasn’t even real, but it was so interesting. It’s one of my favorite seasons because it’s about him and they just slightly opened the door of possibilities of what this character is about and the complexities of his personality and his backstory.

And what’s led him to being the way he is. And then they just shut the door because they’re like, okay, back to playing fucking duel monsters. And  we don’t get to know the whole story. So I think for me, the true journey is really finding out more about him because he is such a complex character, which means that it’s very easy to misunderstand him and to write him wrong.

And so that’s why I think in my mind, I can build a little bit of a timeline and there’s just little nuggets of information. And let me go and explore this character. 

Francis:  that reminds me of a fan fiction author that I was following.  God, what was his name again? Random lead or something like that. 

But anyways,   Yan Dennis’s Evangelian was my first animate that I really got it.   After Pokemon and Gundam and dragon ball Z and sailor moon.  But this was the one where I was really transfixed into the lore.

Cause it gets really deep.  When I got into it, I was at the age where I was like, wow, this stuff is really cool, trying to understand more mature concepts. And so when I found him and his writing really spoke to me, I followed him from high school and I remember finding his profile around that time, because that was also around like nine 11. And so it was just a weird time and  it  followed me into college. And I remember reading one of his last ones that he had done before he’d gone silent and he had actually completely switched from Neon Genesis Evangelion to, um, God, I can’t even remember the enemy.

It is a harem anime with this guy who is the manager and he’s looking after a girls dorm. And  he takes this very lighthearted harem, anime. And for those of you who don’t know a hair man-made is not like this guy fucking like all these girls though, in some enemies, that is the case.

Um, it it’s literally like  at its core, it’s just a bunch of girls pining after this one guy.  And that’s what this particular show was about. And  he takes a different spin on it. And one of the very last ones I remember him writing was actually a horror fan fiction where one of the girls goes crazy and starts killing all of them.

And yeah, but he completely turns that story. He takes that  concept and just  turns it around. And so  I felt like him as a writer, he started off as just writing about neon Genesis  and just writing into the universe, but then as he matured, he just took these concepts and he took these characters and he pushed it even further.

  What if you had this harem place, but then what if one of them just goes crazy and you just write around it and you  are still part of the universe, you still love and appreciate the universe, but you’re able to  take these aspects, these stories, these well-established pieces of lore and playing with that as a novelist.

Right. And I think I get  what you’re saying here , there’s so many plugins with Yu-Gi-Oh that you, as a writer are  able to focus on specific parts of it , in this case, it’s  Seto’s characters that was sort of backstory that there’s just so many gaps in and you can just write to that and imagine different scenarios.

And that’s why you like coming back to it.

Alana: And there’s just many stones that are unturned, right? So many possibilities with Yu-Gi-Oh. And I hope that you’ll speak as emphatically about my work once I start my audio series, as you have about this author. 

I did want to note too. So you had also asked me a question about, why Yu-Gi-Oh right?

Of all the animes, shitty or not, why this one specifically? But you had also asked me, why at 30 years old?   You’re a big adult now, you’ve got a job, you got lots of things going on in your personal life and your professional life and what is it at this age that you’re getting from this?  

 There are just other things, right?  There’s plenty of green field now that I’m a more mature writer. Now that I have  a wide range of vocabulary words I can use. 

Francis: And part of it is just like you have been following this since you were like 13. Yu-Gi-Oh is literally not the only series that you’ve watched and you stopped watching Yu-Gi-Oh 

Alana: I know, yeah. 

Francis: the only seasons that Yugi was even in there was like three or four, right?

 And then it  turns into dice monsters or whatever. 

Alana: Exactly. Yes. And there’s multiple sequel series. Like I think seven or eight now. I don’t even know all of the names of them anymore. They’re all so ridiculous.  The only Yu-Gi-Oh series I write fan fiction about is the original one, the very first one. But I would say that the reason why I still write fan fiction at 30 years old is that I truly think it’s a comfort thing for me.  I’ve been living in this universe for 17 plus years. And so it’s easy for me to go and just get out  my creative juices and to just exercise that part of me, that writing side of me, without having to think too much. I could go and sit down and write a proper novel and a proper fiction piece. There’s like plenty of different aspects  of writing that I could do, but it just feels so casual because it’s a universe I’ve lived in. I know it, I know the mechanics. And so it’s  almost more effortless.  If I were to go and sit down and really write  a fiction piece, I really had to think through it and I’d want to plot it out.

And then I would be really  judging myself, because I think, okay, well this is that the other have to match up. Do they match up? Because here’s this whole new character  I’ve been marinating on these same characters for over 20 years and so there’s definitely  comfort value.

  Sometimes I feel like going and making a home cooked meal and then sometimes I just feel like doing takeout and that’s what it is. It’s quick and easy. And then I get to exercise that creative side of me without getting too involved, but just, it’s a lot more work.

Like you have to exercise a little bit more, whereas these muscles are very toned.  That’s a better example. It’s like working out. Yu-Gi-Oh is like when my personal trainer said, I just want you to sit down and stand up. Not squats.  sit down and stand up. And so you can always sitting down and standing up, whereas writing a proper fiction novel would be like squats.

And sometimes I just feel like sitting down and standing up. 

Francis: Yeah. You’ve been sitting down and standing up for 17 years now.

Alana: Exactly. Yeah. But all the while, like not to say that I haven’t done anything with my writing career. Like I’ve been writing plenty of various things, some personal ventures, but mostly professional stuff. But I feel like,  it brings me joy and it’s easy to do, and it’s not anything I have to think about.

So I can get out that creative juice and just feel good, get all the warm fuzzies and things that I need without thinking too hard about it. And one day I will go and write that killer novel, but there’s just a lot going on and there’s a lot of other projects that I’m working on.

And  sometimes I want to write about a show from fucking 20 years ago that’s shitty and no one’s looked at for an audience that does. Oh, that’s cool. And that’s the review and  that’s fine because writing fan fiction has always been for me.  And they do say in the writing community, like you should always write for yourself.

 When you’re writing, you should write in a way that makes sense for the audience.  You can’t just add things that don’t make sense and you should write for applied or your audience, or you can be more specific if you want to be, but you should try and be like inclusive of everyone so that they understand and they can follow through. But you should always at your core and out your foundation write for yourself because you’re the one extending the effort expanding? No, what am I trying to ex 

Francis: you’re 

Alana: you’re using, uh, 

Francis: working, right? Yeah. You’re the 

Alana: yeah, you’re the one doing the work. Yeah. You’re using your energy to go and put something into the universe. So you should write something you like, if you write something you don’t like, or if you’re doing something that’s for other people and not for yourself, like you’re, you’re not going to enjoy it. And it’s obviously going to come out like shit. That’s like rule number one of writing one-on-one you should always first and foremost write things that you enjoy and that you would read because that’s, what’s going to resonate with people.

And so, um, Yeah.

I’ve always written Yu-Gi-Oh fan fiction. Like when I found out about fanfiction.net, I just posted that shit directly to the internet. Didn’t really care. Um, still don’t thought I had more followers, but we discovered I didn’t, but that’s okay. Cause I don’t care. Um, because I just do it for me.

This is truly like just a comforting little activity that I do for myself, much like sitting and standing or watching Teen Mom Two. 

Francis: Yeah, I get it. Sometimes you just need to give your brain a chance to just reset, do something mindless, do something for yourself. And sometimes that’s okay.

Alana: Exactly. And there’s a comfort in living in a universe that you find comforting. Katharine sent me recently actually this mental health professional was talking about people who deal with anxiety or may have a trauma or are dealing with PTSD, will watch and rewatch shows from their childhood because there’s a certain comfort in knowing how things are going to go. And it brings you comfort just in  rewatching something that you enjoy and not having to expand your imagination by learning something new. I’m not against learning. I love learning, but sometimes you just want to unwind and watch something where you know what’s going to happen.

 That’s your comfort zone. Some people rewatch shows or some people imagine a place that they really enjoy that brings them solace. And I go to the Yu-Gi-Oh universe. That’s okay. To each their own

 (transition to stats discussion) 

So I’ve logged into my fanfiction, which I log into my fan fiction to exclusively publish a new chapter when I have one, which there hasn’t been one in six months, so it’s been a minute. I do have my fanfiction stats, but I’ll wait until the end of the episode to reveal those.  We’ll tease that and let the listeners keep listening on.  

There is a feature of inbox or outbox.  There’s a message from when Funyuns stole my tweet and started using it in their marketing. And someone found my fan fiction and was like, are you aware that Funyuns took one of your tweets? I just saw it. And it was so surreal. Wow. Funyuns like thanking for the promo, because I think you got my fanfiction account. Wow, I can’t believe I gave them shit. I was so naive back then. I was like, give me money.   Bitch, you’re getting a shout out. You’re getting free publicity. How dare you. Do you remember that whole exchange?

Francis: I do. And you actually got the chest full of Funyuns, right? 

Alana: Yes, I did. And they took it down because I thought I was going to do a lawsuit and I’m so dumb.

I should have kept it up. I could have gotten my fanfiction all promoed as fuck, because it was my LOL fanfiction Twitter account that was included in the gif that they created based on my tweet, where they would showcase my tweet and my username. But I’m also 

seeing that I got and a message on July 12, 2020 someone named Professor Blue Phoenix, saying your pen name seems familiar. Have we met on here before? 

Francis: Stop

Alana: Sure. Have you been on this internet website for 17 years then? Probably. 

Yeah. 

Francis: God. 

Alana: seen each other before, sir. 

Francis: Do you know him?

Alana: No, I don’t recognize the username, but he could be one of my fans and he doesn’t have me favorited. So I don’t know how he knows me.

Oh, no, he doesn’t even write fan fiction. He just has favorite stories and favorite authors. So he’s a lurker. 

Oh, Whoa. 

Oh my God. One of his favorite authors, the username is lover of Yu-Gi-Oh Yaoi. So no, I’d say I don’t produce content he would enjoy. So this is a mistake.

We have not met on here before. I’m not putting down what he’s picking up. Oh my 

Francis: Audience, for those of you don’t know. Yaoi is gay um not necessarily porn, but it’s just gay characters together. And sometimes it does get pornographic, but as we all know, Alana writes brother fluff, so it’s definitely not anything.

Alana: It’s definitely not. And I love that you say it that way to insinuate. Oh my God. The Sonic fan fiction episode, by the way, sounded so incriminating. I sounded so nervous and like, Oh, you know, Francis, I don’t know anything about that. And I sounded so weird, like I for sure knew about the inner workings of the Sonic fandom.

God makes me laugh every time I’ve listened to it. 

I do want to tell you my stats. We profile stats I thought were way better than they were.

And I’m a little embarrassed. 

Francis: What are they? I’m so super curious right now. 

Alana: Oh God. So I’ve been on fanfiction.net for 17 years. And so in the general user stats, I am on the favorite list. So favorite lists being these are people who favorited me as an author.   I’m on 189 people’s favorite lists. And I’m on an author alert and author alert is where every person who has you on author alert gets an email notification automatically whenever you update, that’s 137 people.

And, uh, yeah, those numbers are very small in comparison to what I thought. Maybe they seemed bigger. The last time I checked when I thought it was at least 300, I mean, I’ve been doing this shit for a long time. Fuck. These people suck. They don’t like me at all. Going back to the whole thing that I’m someone who deeply deeply enjoys creating content, even if it means that content doesn’t go anywhere, I enjoy the journey more than anything else.

So I’ll end on that note. 

Francis:  I’m looking at your fanfiction.net profile right now, and at least looking at your latest story. At the very front, I’m not clicking into the story itself,  it says drama, humor, chapters, 19 words, and you’ve got 29 reviews. So far faves and 28 follows. So you’ve got a following. 29 is more than the seven that we have.

Alana: Yeah. But look at the story below that one, my romance that has 300 reviews and it’s only a 40 chapter story. Yeah, that one was good. People like romance on this website. They’re not here for the humor 

or the 

Francis: um, 

Alana: it’s just a wrong

Francis: the,

Alana: my life to the, wrong 

Francis: yeah, I guess that’s true. Cause going down the list. Your family drama one got six reviews. One chapter was a one-shot.  For those who don’t know, one shot is just a small little snippet, just a small chapter.  Not even a chapter. Really. It’s just a small story.

 Short story is actually the word for it.

Alana: it’s not a multi chapter story. It’s just one. 

Francis: Yeah.

Alana: Conclusive story. Yeah. 

Francis: Yeah.  And then after that, the next one is Romance and Drama and that got 300 reviews and it’s 50 chapters. So yeah, that’s a lot, it looks like in general though, too, aside from the romance angle, anything that has a lot of chapters seems to get a lot of reviews,

Alana: And it goes back to some of the typical marketing pillars.  Everyone likes a schedule and that helps them know when things are being posted and gets them excited. And I was posting more consistently back then.

Francis:  I’m looking at your reviews  for wing man. And you’ve got four reviews for Ballet Empress. 

Alana: Oh my God. 

Francis: First review, I feel so empathize with Seto and Joey damn, those siblings. You can’t host a party at someone’s home yet. Ask your brother about it. Ask him yourself. Serenity.

Alana: Okay no one said were intelligent reading my story. Okay. Wow, way to drag me Francis. That my story doesn’t appeal to the high comedians of the internet. Wait, can wait, we continue? I love this random fan fiction review segment, 

Francis: Oh, man. If you’re trying to build your fanfiction.net gathering, we’ll have to take this off the air. We can’t just drag your reviewers, but I do love reading your reviews right now. 

Alana: yeah, Ballet Emperor is apparently deep in the story. She comes up a lot. I didn’t even realize.

Francis:  Scrolling a little bit further down 2018, three are the same message, but different people. And it looks like spam. Hello, fellow trolls, a bunch of numbers and a bunch of stuff. This will lead you to a text archive, learn how to fuck with fan fiction writers.

Eh, I mean, troll of course,

Alana: Oh my God. Jesus. 

Francis:  On the next page, you  actually look like you have some meaningful reviews like this Rena redhead person. 

Alana: Yeah. That’s cause it’s Lauren, my friend Lauren, like IRL 

Francis: Oh, okay. But like Stan, I stand a friend that is  in with your creative content? Can she be HQAF podcast listener? 

Alana: mean, I would love that, but as you can see, she’s not that much of a Stan because she hasn’t reviewed since 2018. Like her last chapter is chapter six.

love how you just glossed over though my review from November 10th, 2018. Okay. But biologically scar was definitely blinking Simba’s mom and Nala while he was away. So who’s the real King of the jungle. I didn’t make a Lion King reference at all in my story.

So I do not know what inspired this delightful review.  I appreciate every review, but also what is wrong with you people?

Francis:  Yeah, some of it’s spam. Another one just found this, enjoyed it a lot. It’s 7.8 out of 10, not enough card games. Wow. A 

Alana: my God. 

Francis: They’re like what the fuck? That’s psychotic. Yeah.

Alana: Would hurt my feelings if all these people weren’t, you know, 

Francis: Oh, 

Alana: I wish I could empathize with Seto and I can’t wait to see the O G girl he ends up with, I really shouldn’t be dragging Ballet Empress, cause she truly is the only Stan of this story. 

Francis: She’s reading.

Alana: Yeah. Oh Butler over 81 said, you’re lucky.

I love butts because this whole fan thinks she was made of butts. take back when I said I’m sorry, Ballet Empress you’re out. You’re killing it. I’m sorry. 

Francis: You might want to pause there because I just clicked on black belly emphasis Profile her first story is  prostitute. When Seto Kaiba  propositions, Joan, she expects a one night stand, but he and his brother keep coming back for more. Now the Kaiba brothers want an heir from her and will pay any price to get it.

How do Joan’s husband and boyfriend feel about their new profession? 

Alana: Oh, 

Francis: how do they handle public scrutiny? Polyamory, count on lemons.

Alana: my God. And this bitch has 83 chapters and a hundred reviews. Like she’s clearly doing something. I am not. Oh, Oh 

wait, 

Francis: Um, yeah.

Alana: wait. That’s so those are her favorite stories. She’s a lurker. See? Show. She didn’t produce, she didn’t produce as well. Oh my 

Francis: Oh, 

Alana: but, 

Francis: but also she’s working on this story. 

Alana: Right? She has a hunger for a certain type of content that I think she’s hoping my story will go down because there is a dating competition element. And so maybe she’s thinking settle, we’ll hire a prostitute to win this competition, but that’s not where we’re going here. Oh, no. Oh, God, which I knew what happened.

I’m like if I go and make a story about Seto and Joey and I talk about how they have this whole little relationship competition, everyone’s going to think that they’re just going to end up blinking each other because puppy shipping is real and there’s a huge fandom for it. And I hated it because I don’t think it’s real.

I do not think Joey instead of want to blink each other, I think they very much hate each other. But, um, yeah, I don’t think I’m producing the content. She’s ultimately going to be looking for him. I’m sorry. I’m PRIs,

Francis:   I know you don’t want to associate yourself with the Sonic subculture, but I am enjoying this whole other look into the fanfiction subculture, 

Alana: W what, what are you looking 

Francis: just you and and your reviewers and what’s your reviewers like looking at, it’s so good.

Alana: I mean, there’s a story in here called Hello, Kitty Kaiba and then the description, despite the title, it is not a crossover. Oh, okay. So Hello Kitty. He doesn’t show up. Are you kidding me? You guys are fucking liars. Oh my God. It’s business as usual in the Yu-Gi-Oh world, monsters are attacking Yugi and friends are about to save the day and Kaiba as their reluctant ally. Friendship and trust seem irrelevant until a cat-headed goddess  decides to meddle. Are you telling me Hello Kitty doesn’t show up in this episode?

Obviously, AU 

 This person, one of their favorite stories is by ice blood, who, you know, I’m a Stan cause he’s a good Seto brother fluff writer.

Is this guy still writing? 

Francis: I didn’t know that I don’t know who I used to pull it is.

Do I know ice blood? 

Alana: Yeah, I remember. I was like, Oh yeah, we used to message each other. And he’s  big in the Yu-Gi-Oh fandom specifically with Seto Kaiba. Remember we talked, You, were like, Oh my God, 

Francis: I love that you think that I remember the name. I I remember you talking about this though. Yeah. 

Alana: I think I got edited out because it was nonsense and had no place in the podcast. I love that you’re editing out your memories though. You’re like, Oh yeah. If it’s not relevant to the podcast we don’t talk about it, which is fine by me. Oh my God. Iced Blood. I should check in with him. Would he ever give me a shout out?

He has high key fanfiction 

Francis: He does 35 chapters and 253 reviews. hold on. How many How many of those reviews are just throwaway reviews?

Alana: Yeah. Check it out. 

Francis:  Damn you please continue this wonderful piece of art. Don’t let it die.

Alana: You’re joking. You made that up. 

Francis: Somebody, no somebody said that I’m not joking 2019. 

Alana: fucking so good. 

Francis: Hold on. Somebody said, I spent the past months reading your massive library of Yu-Gi-Oh fics, starting from Twist of Fate, going through the various one-shot starting and finishing page with good intentions and catching up to the latest updates on Blue Eyes, Violet Eyes and Light Bringer.

I really enjoyed Cemetery Dance, not going to lie. I cried. And then I sat stewing in Yu-Gi-Oh feelings thinking I should write you a review, but I just wasn’t sure what to say. I’m really impressed by all your Yu-Gi-Oh fics and  it was really cool to see how your plots and characterizations evolved over time since I read them pretty much in chronological order from oldest to newest, I really like how you have reoccurring OCS throughout your fics. It made it even more enjoyable to read your work since you fleshed out your own character. So well, along with the Yu-Gi-Oh cast, I decided to leave my review on this particular fic, because I guess it’s the one I’m hoping to read an update for the most.

It has a pretty unique alternate universe. And feels like a big departure from the rest of your Yu-Gi-Oh work, which I guess is why I’m particularly intrigued by this one. Also, maybe I just like seeing kids Seto, being friends with Yogi, LOL.

I wish I had something more substantial to say. I just really loved reading your fix. Okay. Has if she wasn’t just like, Oh, whoever this person is, well, is it just like I’ve Richard your work? And I fucking love it. 

Everything from there for development university create. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

Um, So he’s got some real reviews. 

Alana: yes, I won’t even shit all over him because he really is a good writer and Paved with Good Intentions is a really good fic. And also  if you Googled Hikari Mokuba’s Guardian to see what would come up. And it just is my fan picture and profile. And then it’s also these fan picks and recommendations. So I do show up on exactly one Oh, fan Victor recommendations and I’m right above ice blood. I split has a lot more bullet points than I do of reasons why you should read him. What would you like to read to the audience?

What it says for why people should read my story?

Francis: Yeah, so it’s from a website called TV tropes that org, I guess. Um, so I don’t know what that’s about, 

Alana: Hello. 

Francis: Hickory  guardian recommended by the maniac in the mailbox. And it says for all those Kaiba brother fans, author has written all about them. takes us into some pretty creative and intense plots between the two.

She never does anything too mature, but her stories are great. Anyways, try starting with, For Your Protection. 

Alana: And that my friends is the reason why I get up every day. It’s for that one person who said I don’t get too mature. 

Francis: So ice blood falling right after that recommended by golden dragon three to six, they say ice blood has written many Yu-Gi-Oh stories with the main characters, almost always being the Khyber brothers. He focuses on the brotherhood of the two incest and will never come into play. Never in all caps.

Next bullet, he has a few, one shots peeking into their lives at various timeframes. Some stories that look at the interactions between Seto and Yugi, some poetry in numerous actual stories. Noah comes in a few times though. It’s mainly Seto and MOBA. I used to blood is a brilliant writer and any reader can feel the depth of their emotions between the two brothers.

They’ve been through a lot together. And he meant just to show this without going out of character to any Khyber brother fans, this is the author to check out. I don’t know who is writing the reviews for this man, but this is in depth. Like he has got a following that love to write about his entire collection of fanfic.

 The most I get with yours is , you never get to mature, but they’re great anyways.

Alana: Yeah. Literally just if you like the type of others, she writes all about them she has creative and intense plots, but that’s it. 

They’re great. 

Francis: And I don’t know, maybe yours falls into incest. I mean, like

Alana: Okay. I knew you were going to be like, Oh, his explicitly says never any incest. Where’s your all calves. Never. There’s never incest in my stories. Never, never, never, not in the 85 stories I’ve ever written have these two fucking brothers done anything that or anything that would ever suggest that.

But how come I don’t get an all caps? Just a little note, you know, nothing too mature also. No incest, we stand. Nope. Okay. That, that privilege goes to ice, blood and ice bullet only. All right. I’m just the idiot. That’s dedicated my life to these two brothers. How dare they think that I made them do? Oh, this new story he wrote though, cake a hole in the sky.

Which what the fuck, but okay. It looks really good. I should really read it. Okay. I like how he does the chapter divides with the line break and then the number, and then the line breaking in. I might steal that.

Francis: Oh, my God.

Alana: gonna steal his 

Oh, wow. 

Francis: You should invite them to our podcast. 

Alana: Huh? 

Oh, 

Francis: should invite her to our podcast

Alana: wait. Jeremy is this like Tara sands where you’re like, 

Oh, should, and then we don’t do it or should 

we do 

it? 

Okay. 

Francis: I don’t feel, I don’t feel as bad about this one.

Alana: It hasn’t been on DV Ilana. Like he is a big in a very subset community, which you should be big given how much time you put in, but no. 

Francis: Okay. let me go a little bit more detail here. want to interview Tara Sands because she was the voice of Mokuba and Bulbasaur, but what are we going to talk to her about? 

Alana:  We can do our series. Like how was it being a voice actor, right? No. 

Francis: Yeah, I guess you have a point because then we can do the same thing with the fan fiction writer. But the fact of the matter is you are a fan fiction writer and you guys have a lot of overlapping interests. So we could actually talk intelligently about some things. Whereas honestly, one of the questions I want to ask Tara, if she ever comes on is what was it like to say the words bulbous soar multiple times throughout the episodes that you were on, was the range of emotion that you had to show for these episodes? Like, 

Alana: Oh my God.

Wait, 

Francis: and that’s it. So 

Alana: how wait am I literally not following him on? I just found him, I think this is him Tumblr. I’m wondering how I message him. Oh, I met God. Am I going to private message him on it? Fucking fanfiction.net.

Francis: If he comes on he asked me updated that kick a hole in a sky story was last year.

Alana: Shit. Do you dare me? 

Francis: girl maybe that be the kickoff to our spinoff series,

Alana: Yeah. Wait, email. He would check email maybe. Oh, can you not email people anymore?

You used to be able to email people now. I think the private 

message messages to create distance. 

Francis: Why didn’t did you write a review?

Alana: Oh, publicly 

say, Hey. Oh, Hey look,

this 

would you like to be on our podcast? I think I should private message him. 

Francis: Yeah, 

Alana: on. Should I just write this right now? 

Invite to a podcast, a popular podcast.  We get them with the popular. Hi there. You may remember me from our emails 15 years ago.

Francis: Yeah,

Alana: Okay. Wait, hold on. Um, also I’m so sorry. Are you starving? You want to go? Don’t you?

Um, 

Francis: am, but I’m invested, I’m invested, in this, but yeah. 

Alana: So I’ll write this up and I’ll send you a screenshot and then we’ll decide if I hit send. 

Francis: Okay. Okay. We’ll do it.  

Alana: Oh, Oh my God. like shook right now because he is a celebrity in the Yu-Gi-Oh Kaiba brothers, like fan fiction community. So I’m a little shook

Francis:  and this is why I can’t take Tara too seriously. 

Alana: I that is like way beyond me, but this I think the possibilities are imaginable here, 

Francis:  You could talk to him about stuff like yeah. I’ll be 

why don’t you write any lemons? Why is that a big thing of yours?

Alana: Never incest. How come you didn’t get that as a recommendation 

I feel like this is a whole new concept. This is a whole new Avenue. What if we just drag fan fiction writers? Is that mean? Or is that brilliant?

Francis: Oh,

Alana: I mean Kaiba’s Prostitute. That is a title. Francis. Giving them free promo. Think about it that way. profile. 

Francis: where We’re also dragging them. So,

Alana: True. 

Francis: okay. 

Alana: I guess. You’re right. 

Francis:

Alana: Okay. 

Francis: spreading kindness, not hatred

Alana: That’s true. 

Francis:  We shouldn’t be bullying people.

Alana: Trump isn’t president anymore. We can’t be advertising that kind of behavior. You’re right. But anyway, lemon soup.

Okay. We moving on. this has been brilliant episode.

oh my God. I love you. This was amazing. Thank you so much. I laughed so hard. This is hilarious. And I can’t wait to see how this all shapes up for a podcast episode.

It’s so brilliant. I love it. 

Thank you.

More Than Just a Skipping Machine

Summary

In one of HQAF Radio’s first in-person podcast since the pandemic started, Katharine and Danica finally meet for the first time. They join Francis and Chris to talk about Danica’s career trajectory, her time in the Netherlands, and their experiences with social media. And of course, they talk about her skipping.  

YouTube: https://youtu.be/qWu3texatPk
Transcript: https://hqafradio.wordpress.com/2021/05/18/more-than-just-a-skipping-machine/ — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/hqaf-radio/message

Transcription

Francis: Welcome back folks. Welcome folks to this. Yeah. Where do we

secretly agree. There’s no, there’s no redo. Okay. Hold on. You guys missed the whole point where there’s like the intro. That’s already prerecorded. It’s already prerecorded. 

Chris: Yeah, but there’s no break between the free recording 

Francis: and the interview. Welcome back back, everybody audience to HQAF radio. Today’s a very special episode, as you can probably tell today, I’ve got my sister and Danica with me and our third co-host, katharine. 

Katharine: I do not accept this title. I’m only special guest. 

Chris: You are only the audience

Francis: and Chris Olson.

Alexandria. My birth date is

Chris: to ask me what my dad’s middle name was. So. 

Francis:  So this is a super special episode because finally Danica and Katharine get to meet each other in person.

Katharine:  A true love story 

Danica: We’ve met digitally. 

Francis: They’ve met over Animal Crossing. They’ve met  were Jackbox, but now they meet personally.  And I say, this is special because the first time I think Katharine had heard of Danica was through my Munich interview with Danica.

Danica: Oh, was it in Munich? 

Francis: The Munich interview where I talk specifically about your skipping. 

Danica: No, that was not about my skipping. 

Francis:  And you know what I thought the same thing you did, but I was just like, yeah, there was a lot that you opened up about your skipping and part of my, I really needed to know.

It was an open secret   but Katharine was like, there’s so much more to Danica than just her skipping. I was like, you’re welcome. I wanted to know about the robotics. I wanted to know about like  her life in Europe. And I was like, But that’s not what I wanted to know about.

I’ve known about it for my entire life.

Danica: Thump thump thump haas been the soundtrack to my life, 

Francis: So this is the interview where Katharine actually gets to fill in those questions that I never got to ask that I never wanted. I 

Chris: was never interested in asking. 

Francis: But  can I first  ask Chris since Danica has been staying with us for the past week? What has your experience been like with Danica skipping?

Chris:  Basically daily. I will, 

Francis: yes, I will. 

Chris: I mean, in my office nook, which is admittedly not an office, 

Danica: it’s the kitchen. Clear, 

Chris:  It is an extension of the kitchen. And then I will hear from either the dining room, which we are currently positioned in or the living room. And will hear cocoon and I will hear heavy breathing and a thumping. It’s mostly the breathing actually that we’ll hear.

And then I’ll usually message it Francis,ike it’s Danica down.

Katharine: But you don’t message Danica? 

Chris: Well I don’t have Danica’s Teams name. 

Danica: He has my phone number though. 

Chris: Danica doesn’t check her phone. So it would be moot. 

Honestly  it’s mostly humorous at this point because 

Francis: We’re used to it 

Danica: It’s been going on for a while.

Francis: Well, and what’s funny is like recently, so this past Thursday, Friday, I’ve been working downstairs like on the first floor. Cause I’m usually on the upstairs. And so now that’s limited Danica’s  space that she can skip. So if I need the dining room, but she’ll just skip in the living room. If I’m in the living room, she’ll just skip here in the dining room, middle space. Me and Chris, 

Katharine: I don’t want to extend the skipping narrative. However does it have to be inside? 

Danica:  It could be outside.

Katharine: There’s an alley. That’s very spacious that you should just head out. 

Francis:  Okay. So Chris and Katharine,  what do you think when you say pacing? 

Katharine: Well, we’ve heard skipping and pacing, so I feel like it’s a very heavy kind of lilting footstep, like cook it.

Danica: Sure. 

Francis:  Can I do a demonstration pitch? I go, we’ll do this.

If Chris and I were not in the house, she would be. 

Katharine: You made it seem like that’s what you saw when you were working.

Chris:  It’s kind of funny because normally Francis will work upstairs. And so Danica and I are down here. And so Danica is usually in the living room. I’m usually at my desk. And every time I go upstairs, though, I have to go past Danica. And I feel like I’m interrupting something  and she’s always like, Oh, 

taught me.

And she always stops because she’s listening to headphones. She’s like deep in thought. And then I interrupt it. And she’s like, and I’m like, and so we like have this standoff. And so then I’m like, you’re caught me. And I was like, It’s okay. I didn’t see anything. So then we continue on our way and then we forget that we saw each other and it was like this.

Oh no, I always remember 

too, but it’s this delicate dance that, that Danica and I like dance to

Francis: sorry, this sounds like you watched her masturbate or something. 

Katharine: I walked into her while she was coming out of the shower.

Chris: I get the sense that Danica uses this time to think really deeply. And so when I interrupt that by walking through her skipping space, her pacing space, I am like interrupting her thought and she gets so. Disoriented, almost like you caught me, like out of body experience, 

Katharine: Danica, what do you call it?

Danica: Skipping. Cause I think that’s what they’ve always called it

Katharine:  in your head, what is it? 

Danica: It’s like a time to think. And so that’s just that oftentimes I think, especially for instance, if I’ve been at a party with friends, And I just get home. It could be three o’clock in the morning and I would still need to do it.

Cause it’s this pent up energy. That just needs to go. 

Katharine: Are you an extrovert or an introvert? 

Danica: Introvert. 

Katharine: Oh, so that’s so interesting. So you come back from parties and have too much energy and you’re an introvert. 

Danica: Yeah. Yeah. It’s weird. It’s like when I’m there, it already feels like it’s tiring in a different sense.

Like I have to be on in a different sense. But I get back and I didn’t get enough time for me. I didn’t get to have enough time for what I need. So I need to go ahead and get that out and to answer this other question, why don’t I just do it outside?  I guess I could do it in the garden.

That would be fair. But if I were to do it on the sidewalk, which I could do, like I used to, when I would go for runs  around here, I would go on a walk afterwards for a bit to cool down. In running clothes, that’s fine. In my pajamas. That’s a different thing. I feel like I would need to change into real clothes, put on my shoes, and then go for a walk.

Katharine: I totally understand. I’m deterred by a lot of things by having to get out of my pyjamas. 

Danica: Exactly. Exactly. I thank you. 

Katharine: Yeah. Also,  when I hear about this and when I saw the demonstration, it feels like meditation. 

 Danica: My roommate in  junior year. She also did the same thing.   I remember coming home and she was just walking around. We just look at each other in that same way, like deer in headlights. What are you doing?

no, this guy that I was telling you about that. He just gets up in the middle of the night. When he’s thinking about a problem and he’s just starts walking and I commented on it and that’s how we started talking originally. 

Chris: That it sounds like a habit of geniuses, honestly, who literally cannot handle the current worldly experiences  to deal with problems. Like you must go to some other space to handle them. 

Katharine: It’s like the movie soul  

Chris: Yeah.

Francis:  Not to turn this conversation to your skipping. That’s just one aspect, but

no, this is all part of it.  I did want validation that wasn’t just me. 

Katharine: I feel like with Danica, it was like going straight to  a very specific point versus this. All these other things that make Danica Danica, it was like, 

Chris: This is also instrumental to  Danica’s being because Danica is brilliant. She is incredibly smart.  She is creative and she’s idiosyncratic. And 

Francis: so the thing is , at the time of the interview,  I knew this. So for Danica to speak openly about her skipping was like, we’ve never talked about it. It’s just an open secret in our family. 

Danica: I feel like it’s been something that I’ve done since we’ve lived in Washington state. 

Chris: Which is very odd. 

Danica: We moved from Washington when I was seven. 

Katharine: So if you feel like, if you didn’t skip, something bad would happen?

Danica: I don’t feel like something bad would happen because it’s been the case where I haven’t been able to do it for a month or for even longer. But it feels like I just have this pent up energy that needs to go somewhere. 

Katharine: I can tell you it’s not OCD then. 

Danica: Thank you. Thank you. 

Katharine: I’m not an expert, 

Danica:  I feel like a dog,  like they say, if you don’t exercise your dog, they begin to behave badly. I feel like a dog in that way.  

Francis:  Now that you say it, I remember the house in Washington.   We had the living room and then a section then the hallway and Danica would always like skip back and forth in the hallway.

Yeah, and that was just her thing, 

Danica: rug. And then the couch, this leather couch, and I’d go back and forth between them. 

Katharine: But you know, what’s missing from the story is Danica’s excellent shoe wear choice. 

Francis:  In the house, she wore nothing

she wears nothing but most comfortable. 

Katharine: Another reason why you don’t do it outside because not issues. 

Danica: No, but honestly I do feel like I do in some ways do it outside. There will be times when I come home from work, it’s been  a long day. And I need extra time just to think, and I will go on my bike and I will do an extra circuit around our neighborhood, on my bicycle, and then come in and put my bike away.

Katharine:  Yeah. I actually very much understand this, not skipping, cause that’s really hard on my legs 

Francis:  I know we started off saying that we didn’t want to talk about skipping, but now we talking about. So Katharine, you had prepared some questions for Danica… 

Katharine: Yeah. When Francis and Chris invited me over for dinner, they were like, Oh, if you want, you can prepare questions. I was like, if I want?! I have not wanted to do anything more 

Slash I already have a bunch of questions for the first time. 

 So what made you choose this program in the Netherlands?

Why go there? Why do this? 

Danica: So I think a big part of it is in the Netherlands you’re treated more like a human. When I was in California, in the Palo Alto area, my mentors were people who had gone to Stanford and listening to their stories, being graduate students, having to teach swimming, having to tutor kids.

 You’re at one of the top engineering schools in the world and you still do not make enough to live. And you’re one of these brilliant people. If you just went into industry, you would be fine. It would be making hundreds of thousands. You would be in the top. What like 15, 10% of the U S population.

Instead you choose to pursue this. 

Francis: Maybe start from the beginning

Katharine: What is this? 

Francis: So you went to undergraduate and you studied 

Danica:  Engineering, science,  and mechanics with a specialty in biomechanics. 

Francis: And then you went to  Philly  right?

Danica: Where I was a neuroscientist. 

Francis:  Then you followed this particular study over into New York City. 

Danica: Right, because she basically told me either you can come with me  to New York City, or I can write you a recommendation.

About a month or two after I had just started that job and just like, okay, no, I don’t want to apply for new jobs 

Katharine: And is this the one where you helpled a coworker negotiate a higher salary? 

Danica: Yes. 

Katharine: That’s a very important story to me and Danica lure. 

Francis: And, and the coworker was a male. Yeah. 

Danica: Yeah. 

Katharine: We can all be taken advantage of.

Francis: Exactly. 

Danica: Yeah. 

 Francis:  Anyways, so Danica did go to New York, but then after New York you had a couple of internships in California?  

Danica: No, after New York, I was in the Netherlands, but I had an internship during that time.  

Francis: Why did you choose the Netherlands? 

Danica: For my PhD

Francis: Yeah. 

Chris:  Or even your masters?

Katharine:  Oh yeah. I guess I didn’t know that  you’ve been there for two academic programs. 

Danica: So with my master’s, I looked into my area of research and I saw that the particular school that I went to is the second best in the world after MIT.

 In terms of research output, the kinds of innovative things they’re doing second in the world behind MIT 

Katharine: is that because it was STEM cell research by any chance? 

Danica: It’s not surprisingly, they do have some. And I don’t know, STEM cell research, biological biotech kind of research, uh, in this case it’s purely focusing on the robotics aspect.

Okay.  But the group at MIT is actually not part of MIT’s normal cohort. They’re part of the media lab. So you applied to the professor specifically instead of to the mechanical engineering department, for instance, right.   

Katharine: For masters or PhD? 

Danica: For both. 

Katharine: Oh, okay.

Danica: And at the time they weren’t looking for masters.

Katharine: What?! A master’s program was like, no, thank you. We don’t want your money. 

Danica: Yeah. Yeah.  The media lab at MIT is different because they pay for you to be there. They give you a stipend. Yeah.  So at the time I was just like, okay, well the second best program and one that I did my bachelor’s research off of work from this university, it’s in the Netherlands and why not go to the Netherlands? It costs the same as going to an American university. So… 

Katharine: Maybe even less, I feel like… 

 Danica:  I think about the same at the end.  For international students, yeah, it’s quite a lot.

Francis: I was going to say for the amount of work that she had to do for the amount of cultural,  level setting she had to do. 

 Danica:  I think a lot of people think it’s cheaper, but if you think about what you spend in terms of housing, what’d you spend in terms of any kind of services in terms of dorms or no, I come from the U S if I came from a third world country, that’s a different thing. 

Katharine: Oh, okay. Interesting. 

Francis: I think the one thing I remember the most before Danica went, was  her talking about the Dutch and how the Dutch were open people, but they were just kind of plain people, but then

Danica: They pride themselves on that. 

Francis: But this was just part of her travel book 

Danica: They got me a book about it. What is it like the Idiot’s Guide to the Dutch or something like that? 

Francis: But the thing is , they don’t talk about the experience that she would have as  an American person of color in the Netherlands.

Because like, yeah, like afterwards I would hear about her experience moving forward and  it’s so much more different than you would expect. Especially like from the books, which I think are probably taken from a white person’s point of view…

Katharine: This is why we need to have more editors of color.

Francis: Exactly, exactly. And so it’s very interesting that she’s there now, because now she can speak from an American person of color’s point of view on her experience over there, 

Katharine: which I feel like instead of just saying an American person of color, you could just say an American because most of America is 

Danica: So, when I came back  during COVID, I thought, okay, I’m not really supposed to be out, but I need to get groceries. My roommate’s not here and I’m going to starve to death otherwise. So I’ll just wear a mask. When I go to the grocery stores at a time when no one else was wearing a mask, no one looked twice at me, but in one of my Dutch courses, there was  a white American boy who lives in the very same neighborhood that I live in.

So he would have been going to the same grocery store and he was saying, Oh yeah, it wasn’t so weird. I felt like everyone was staring at me and I got. No, actually, I didn’t get the same experience. I get the feeling that when they saw me, it’s like, Oh, it’s just another Asian person wearing a mask. Of course.

Whereas for him, it’s a white guy wearing a mask. So it looks very strange. Why are you wearing a mask? 

Katharine: Which is that it was like negative, positive or neutral. 

Danica: In that case, I think it was neutral, but there are many cases where I’ve encountered other people who will say things, Oh, but where are you from?

But where are you really from? Or they’ll say things like, Oh, but you’re not really American. Oh, but you’re not really Asian. And in the U S I think it’s understood that those kinds of things are not okay to say, or there are  at least people in the U S will say that that’s not okay to say to someone.

In the Netherlands. I don’t think it would occur to anyone that that’s really not something that you should be saying. 

Katharine: So this is part of that like plain speak, very blunt. 

Danica: Yeah. Like they’ll just say it out, but it doesn’t occur to them that maybe this is something that’s very othering is a good way to put it.

You know, it’s like, well, obviously  you’re not an American because your parents are not American and your parents, parents are not American and they don’t see it as problematic. In a way as some Americans would see it here.

Francis:  What is that figure for Christmas where the black face. Yeah.  

Katharine: Wasn’t this year, the first year that they were like, Oh, I don’t think we should do it. 

Danica: This year was the first year after the black lives matter stuff. 

Francis: They stopped? 

Danica: Yeah. They’ve said that it’s not. Okay. I think they’ve switched to Rainbow Pete.

Francis: this is great. 

Katharine: I’m sorry. Was that a Pete group?

Danica: But  it’s not the first time this has come up in conversation in the Netherlands. But I think oftentimes they think, Oh, you’re the minority. You’re one person who is saying that this is causing issues for you. This is not the case. Oh, but this is a tradition. I think that’s the big thing.

This is a tradition. Yeah, they’ve finally seen that maybe this is problematic for people who are not white Dutch and maybe this is something we should change. 

Katharine: Also, if you’re exhausted by talking about these things, again, we don’t have to talk about it. 

Danica: Well, I mean, I was there because I’m being treated like a human 

Katharine: yeah, it’s interesting that you said, I’m being treated like a human, but I’m also other, all the time. 

Danica: So I’m being treated in a human and that they give me more than a month of vacation time.

I just want to go to Malta for like a month. 

Katharine:  Actually I want to say , apparently there’s this huge divide in the U S with grad school programs where some are unionized and some are not. And the unionized grad school programs, they can actually focus on their studies and the not unionized ones, they have to do these things where you said, like teach, swim lessons and whatever.

And I think it’s like something that we should really start paying attention to as people who vote, et cetera, like unions have been demonized in the U S but it actually gives people a good chance to live while they’re studying or whatever, or maybe don’t have a PhD year who knows. 

So how did you choose this one line of work?

Danica: This line of work? 

Katharine:  Actually, I feel like I don’t even know if you would call it a line of work and I already asked this, but what is it that you do with robotics? 

Danica: Okay. So I guess to clarify for the people out there, I work specifically in soft robots, so robots that are made from soft materials.

Francis: It’s very much not like hard jeans and soft tier hard  

Katharine: is a very important 

Danica: distinction. St. John, we have to move. So most robots that we think of they’re made of metal and they’re hard. So that means that in normal environments, in a factory or in your home, they’re not safe to work around because if they run into you suddenly, you’re going to be hit with this hard metal thing.

 But this also means that they’re not really great for environments where we really don’t know what we’re going to run into. So for instance, on Mars, deep sea, In a cave, right? So I’m trying to make robots that are made out of things that are much softer, like plastic, right?

So that instead of damaging the environment or damaging the things that are around it, It can  perform  so that it’s better able to adapt to uncertainty in the environment, but are able to adapt to humans in its environment. It’s safer to work around. It’s also much more durable.

So for instance, there are soft robots that get run over by trucks and they’re still able to continue moving. 

Katharine: So what is it about this that like really ignites your passion like that has made you dedicate  this decade of your life to it? 

Danica: Uh, man, when you said a decade, that feels 

Katharine: really like it’s true.

I do quick math in my head. 

Francis:  When Danica was skipping back and forth, she was really thinking about the people that might not have the opportunity to do to 

Danica: skip. Like I might skip. I mean, that’s,

This is why we’re sitting. Like 

Katharine: I really

Francis: I honestly don’t know though.

that would be very interesting. Please tell us. 

Danica:  So my primary area of interest is rehabilitation robotics. So it’s for people who maybe are missing a limb or have.

Who don’t move in the same way that we move, who can use robotics to bring their functioning up to what we consider normal or average, or in some ways, even making,  what’s average into something exceptional, something different 

Francis:  As somebody that’s watched your career progress, I feel like part of your trajectory started with working at this lab where you worked with stroke   patients and you were helping them trying to figure out how to gain mobility in their limbs, right?  

 And then it just evolved into where you’re at now.

Danica: Well, I will say even beforehand my bachelor’s thesis was on snowboarders, but the research that we did besides that was on the elderly. So of course they have also reduced mobility.  But that’s essentially it,  I want to help people live full lives.

And I think as people who are young, who are able bodied, we take that for granted that we can easily go about our lives, like meet someone for coffee and just going for a walk.  And we take for granted how much that actually contributes to the quality of life that we live. 

Katharine: Yeah. I was telling you earlier about how I  temporarily had limited mobility and how shocked I was, like my work asked me to come in and I was like, I can’t sit on the toilet at this place.

 I can’t go to the bathroom in this office.  No, I’m not coming in. I like. Uh, you know, I can’t, I can’t walk a block on crutches without being exhausted from the whole rest of the day. So I totally understand this where it’s like, as people who you never really know what it is and until it happens or until you like your standard.

Yeah. Like you’re just in such a privileged place until it’s like, Oh, this is hard. And I was like, so exhausted that I couldn’t do any of the extra things. And that was really hard for me to understand that I’m limited in, I’m used to doing all these other things, but I’m so limited because I’m so tired physically and mentally tired from trying to figure out how to navigate.

Danica: Yeah. But it’s not just extra things. So a friend of mine, the one that I’m starting the consultancy with. She has a congenital hip dislocation. So sometimes she wakes up in the morning in pain and she’s in pain for hours. And so you and I might work from nine to five and for most employers that’s okay.

And, you know, that’s when we’re expected to work, but for her to get up before nine, to get ready for work and to be there is really difficult. It’s really. You know this marathon for her because, you know, she wakes up at seven and she’s in pain. And I mean, what do you do when you wake up in pain? Do you reach for aspirin?

You don’t want to have to rely on aspirin, ibuprofen, painkillers to get through your day. Um, And that’s just to get up in the morning. Yeah. I should 

Katharine: say extra things is beyond getting up and staying alive, which is really what I was there. Yeah. Like I, I took, I took a long time off of work. Like, so for somebody who like does, I wouldn’t even say normal, who does like all these checks off all these boxes during the day and has like a mobility issue is just.

Just unfathomable to me and does it every day for years. Like I can understand that. 

Danica: I don’t think we really, I don’t think I, 100% fully comprehended how much it affects our quality of life until I met a person who, you know, he’s relatively young for men who had had a stroke. Uh, and he was so active. He coached his son’s basketball team.

He went on the bronze. He’s not the type of person you would expect to have a stroke. But then when he had it, he realized that he was confined to his home. He couldn’t go and see his friends. He couldn’t coach his back. His basketball team has before, because he would be pacing up and down on the court.

And now he can’t do it because he cannot walk as easily. Uh, I don’t think we realize how much it affects us. When one of our legs or both of her legs don’t work as we want them to 

Katharine: work. I also think there’s like a way bigger discussion that we could talk about, but not right now, which is like understanding limited mobility also relates to like addiction issues, like mental health issues.

 If we understand that all of these things are things that people struggle with and it makes living hard. It makes us all better people, 

Danica: More empathetic, more human humans. 

Katharine: Yes. Yes. Which is very funny since you were working on like

Danica: extra human. Yeah. Yeah. But I think that’s a big reason for it. And I think also, so, um, when we moved to the Virginia area, we actually had moved from Fort Leonard Wood, which Missouri, Missouri. 

Katharine: There’s a lot of basic training that happens there in the South. So 

Danica: there. There’s a lot of basic training that goes on there.

So there are a lot of young men and women who are very able-bodied who are doing, you know, like pushing themselves to their physical limits. And I remember at one point, I don’t know if it was, I think it was Walter Reed, not Bethesda. Right. I think we were at Walter Reed and seeing for maybe the first time in my life, someone who had an amputation.

But going from this place where people are very, very rural, I guess is one way to put it very active, um, pink activity, exactly. At the peak of their physical fitness. When you say viewer viral view, 

 But  you see them they’re there. You see them out on these monkey bars. You’ve seen them mountain running when we were kids. Right, right. To a place like Walter Reed. I don’t know if it was Walter Reed or Bethesda 

Francis: in third. I think of the same. I mean,

Danica: actually, no, but I remember going to the hospital and it was a time when Walter Reed him, but as there were two separate hospitals and seeing someone who does not have this capability, someone who has a missing limb. And being like, Oh my God, wait, what is that? Why are they missing this them?

What is this? I think it was a very during experience for me as a child. 

Katharine: That’s actually like, so like, this is incredible to hear about that you saw this as a child and instead of being scared or traumatized imprinted on you later to be like, Oh, I’m learning about robotics. And this is something that can help these people that have this space in my mind.

Like that’s actually. Just so cool. Francis can’t leave. . Thank you.

Francis: why do you skip so much 

Danica: in my dissertation? I’m not going to thank him. 

Katharine: We do karaoke as good as Francis. 

Danica: Uh, first, this is just uninhabited and he’s like wrong half the time.

wait. What the viewers cannot see, or the listeners cannot see as Chris is like, Oh my God, I married this man. I feel like there’ve been several times this week when Chris is like, Oh shit, man. I chose to marry into this family.

Francis: It was the first time when he watched you skipping

  Danica, did you tell Katharine already about your NGO business? 

Danica: Yes. No, I have no, I have not. I say yes as yes, we need to talk about it. My friends and I are starting a diversity and inclusivity business.

So originally it was going to be an NGO. And then someone pointed out , no, this is really a big thing that needs to happen in Europe. People can get in on the ground floor, you should be a consultancy and be charging for this. So we’re opening a consultancy, which has an NGO branch that focuses on diversity and inclusivity for people with disabilities.

Francis: Her friend, Alex has a disability. So you guys have settled on just doing disabilities?

Danica:   The thing is the reason what pushed us to going from NGO to consultancy is because she was taking a marketing and positioning course.

And she met someone who is like, Hey, you’d be perfect for this one thing. You should join us. This will be your first client, but you need to charge, this is not something you can do for free. 

Katharine: I agree that you should be getting all the money for all this stuff.

So . However you can. That’s just called like- making up for lost time. 

Danica: Yeah. And I think, especially in Europe, it’s something that the conversation is really a nascent. Not like here where it’s a bit more evolved.  

Katharine: I mean, here is bad, but it’s worse in Europe. So my company is owned by a German company. 

Danica: Oh, really? 

Katharine: Yeah. And so the German company has the main HR. And so we’re talking about all these big issues, like big systemic American issues, but like, nothing is coming down because in Germany they’re like, well, we have. 50% of women on the board.

 We don’t know. We couldn’t even have equality racially in our workforce, because  there’s just not that many people, but I was like, I’ve had temporary limited mobility because of my knee surgery and I’ve been in Europe during that time.

And it was really effing hard. There’s so many things that they don’t. Think about, 

Danica: I think it’s a lot like a zit. So here, like, is it like a pimple, like a pimple because here I see it and we’re confronted with it every single day you get on the train and you see people who maybe have a movement disability who are black or Hispanic or Asian, people who don’t look like you.

Whereas in Europe, you’re not really confronted every single day with people who don’t look like you. It’s very homogenous compared to here. And I think because of that, like just statistically speaking, we’re more likely to run into issues so we can address them head on. We see these problems so we can deal with them. In Europe, it’s not that they don’t have these problems. It’s that they’re under the skin. 

Katharine: The minority is the minority. 

  I think like white people are now officially like a minority, but also  it’s problematic talking about white people as like a monolith or whatever, but yeah, in Europe it’s like, Oh, we’re all just Germans or whatever.

 Even the Turkish people were Germans, but it’s like, but you still don’t hire them. Like you don’t hire the Africans. You stopped refugees coming in, like monitoring the main 

Chris: difference between health outcomes versus different populations in those countries. 

Katharine:  When I was in Scotland, when I had my knee surgery, I couldn’t get around.

And so I called ahead to all these places because Scotland has like a lot of steep hills. 

Danica: Oh yeah like Lisbon. 

Katharine: And I was like, Oh, you know, I can’t climb to the top of Edinburgh castle, but it says online, which was very easy to find like so much easier than in the U S, it says you have this thing like that I could do.

And they’re like, Oh yeah, hun, just do this or whatever. And so I show up to the front, we’re like, Oh, I actually need assisted services to get to the top. And the guy  looks me up and down and was like, do you? Yeah, actually I barely made it here. So like  a lady in a car came and drove us and she was like, this is how the queen gets to the top of Edinburgh castle.

And I was like, okay,

Chris: Well, thank you for recognizing. 

  Katharine: It’s like still the same thing of like people being like, you don’t look to say at all, but also , it was a bit easier to find, but not always just like the government ones were much easier. 

Danica: Yeah, I think in Europe, because my one friend who is doing this consultancy with us, she has this congenital movement disability.

 She was telling us in Europe, they don’t have this equivalent of ADA. If you go to the Netherlands. For instance, you have all of these houses where the stairs are so steep and they don’t even recognize that they’re steep.

They just think, Oh, these are normal stairs. No, no guys, these are not normal stairs. These are super steep stairs. And the idea of having elevators or ramps, it’s like, what do you mean? Why would we need these? 

Katharine:  I remember having to call places, be like, do you have an elevator? 

Danica: Yeah.

Katharine: Danica. Do you feel bad about stealing all of Francis’s Club Penguin points? 

Danica: What are these club penguin meal?

true. My sister and I don’t remember this. Fake news. 

Francis: Oh, I remember this very vividly.

Danica: My sister and I were hackers before there were 

Francis: not even hackers I might’ve forgotten my password and typed it in somewhere weird. And you guys took my password. 

Danica: Let us smell them. Or for instance has really f-ing strange password. 

Francis: No, it was a great password. It was the best password. 

Chris: Wow. 

Danica: Sounds very familiar 

Francis: you. But the point is at the end of the week you had stolen all of my Neo points and you had not admitted to it. 

Danica: Two out of three, 10 siblings say that this story did not happen

Francis: Because two of the three of them stole it

Katharine: Did you have more points than you should have at the end of the week? 

Danica: I told her call this in  pets in terms of digital pets, but I will admit to, is giving away his Tamagotchi. I was fooled by another girl in the playground who said that? She said, she told me, he said that she could have it. And it was not true

Katharine: So you’re blaming this other girl on the playground?

Danica: No, I take, I will say for the shoot, 

Chris: that was my fault. 

Danica: I think that this is a made up. 

Katharine: No, it was so specific. You know what I believe, 

Chris:  I actually to believe, for 

instance, on this one, like it is very specific in how he felt harmed 

Danica: sister one and sister two did not recall this. 

Chris:  What is the negative part? Like Francis admitting that someone stole his Neo pet points? 

Francis: The harshest part was like, it was a slow burn.  I was Like a few hundred thousand and it kept going down and it kept going down, but  it wasn’t until it went down to like 10 thousands that I was like, what the fuck is going on?

And at that point it was too late. 

Danica: I just also recall the internet at this time. Right. This isn’t like I’m over here on my computer, in my bedroom, in the dark masturbating to porn kind of internet.

Chris: That’s why you don’t have any bandwidth in this place, 

Danica: but this is like I’m in the living room. If someone wants to make a phone call, they have to kick me off the internet. And I’m out in the open. So he’s accusing us of stealing his new point at a time when we would be out in the open. 

Chris: Or so maybe it was the fact that you didn’t understand what you were stealing.

And you just logged into his Neal points account and you were like spending his knee or

Do 

Danica: you also think that an eight year old and a six year old are sophisticated enough to pull off this crime?

Francis:  So hold on context here. I was in seventh grade. I remember seventh. So you must’ve been in fifth

Danica: in our title. Sorry. 

Francis: I’ve been able to just use it on my account. It wasn’t used, it was transferred out. You can, 

Danica: I feel like I need to log back on, remember these things, you know, like, Oh wait. Yes, I did steal it. 

Katharine: I like how my question was, do you feel bad? And you said, 

Chris: Well, the answer is no

Katharine: once a month, I feel bad for him, 

Danica: but myself and my sister did not.

Francis: I know I worked, so I worked so hard, but the difference 

Chris: is like he had time to feel hard because he never had to do any of the dishes. He never had to . 

Francis: Okay. First off, fifth, fifth grade Danica, third grade, Alex did not do it. No fingers. 

Danica: Hold on like shelling coconut things at that age, 

Francis: I also spent very much, a lot of time playing a snake game, like a Neopets snake game

cats or whatever they’re called. I don’t know what they’re called, but I did a lot of time playing those games to earn my points. That’s why

Danica: I remember exactly where the computer was at this time. And there’s no way we could have done it in secret. 

Katharine: Like maybe it was.

Danica: But it’s like literally out in the open and in order for us to be on the internet, like if our mom wanted to use the phone, she had to kick us off. You know, it was that age 

Chris: months to transfer the point, kept getting kicked off by the dial up. It was 

Francis: just, it was the 

Danica: slow, slow, but then. I would not admit to this cause I don’t recall that.

I really don’t recall it. Do you recall leaving me to drown? Ooh, we were the same age. I 

Chris: do hound or 

Francis: Howard or factual, drown. I did. I do remember the incident. I didn’t leave you to drown. I did not to swim.

Danica: already taken swimming lessons. He was not a great swimmer, but he could swim claiming to Lily pads as I’m suffering and calling for help. 

Francis: Okay. This is all cutting cut out, but let’s

Katharine: My sister is. I guess like four years, three and a half years younger than I am. And me and my cousins were swimming in my grandparents’ pool. And I have a cousin who was like roughly my age. And she told my sister like, Oh, get away back. I’ll send me out to the events or me back.

But this cousin is not a good person. So we were out there like, this is hard, dump this baby into the deep end and then swims to the side. And I see my little baby sister who I didn’t even really like, drowning. And I was like, I haven’t got to save her. So like I had justice or your train here, swim over how you’re like pull her to the side.

And to this day, she says, that’s well, never let her forget that I saved her life. And I was like, that’s what  I bring this up? Like 

Chris: once a quarter, when she forgets 

Katharine: you think I’m being mean to you, remember that time and we saved your life. 

Danica: No, but I mean, that’s one of those things I know Francis loves me.

He’s not going to leave me to die. He’s just going to accuse me of stealing his meal. Aye. That was one story. When we were in Hawaii, when my mom stepped out for sugar or whatever mother step out for. Right. So I’m a baby in a crib and Francis is three or yeah, like three. Yeah, because you’re a two and a half years older than I am three, five.

I don’t remember. I definitely not. 

Francis: Well, I was in kindergarten in Hawaii 

Danica: before. For, so for instance is a toddler and my mom has stepped out and he basically freaks out like, Oh my God, we’ve been abandoned.

so apparently according to them, he takes me out of the crib. A four year old. And when my mom comes back, he’s just sitting there crying. Holding me saying like,

Francis: I’m a great person.

Katharine: Other story. My sister doesn’t want me to tell us that we were playing hide and seek whatever, but I folded her into the height of bed.

I just was like, this is a great meeting place. Get in.

you guys saved her, you know, so it was very close, but I never saw her DOP.

Danica: like stealing their Bitcoins. 

Katharine: We would never know how valuable, because he didn’t 

Francis: know the trick. I know I could have bought so many things from my Neo pets. 

Katharine: So I have another question, which is.  What is your favorite episode of HQAF that I’ve been on? Thank 

Danica: you. I’ve 

Chris: been on did a lot of right that question. 

Katharine: I did channel Alana’s spirit because she is always guiding me 

Danica: now I feel attacked. I didn’t realize until recently that you can actually listen to them on Spotify. Wow.

Katharine: on Spotify. 

Danica: Or 

Chris: wherever you get your podcasts. 

Danica: I did not know that. 

Chris: I don’t think Danica has actually listened to a podcast that you’ve been on. 

Danica: I haven’t 

Francis: Danica hasn’t even listened. She just participates in the podcast. This is, and then just lets me. Publish it   

Chris: There is irrelevant story around this. That’s recent where we’re like, Oh, have you listened to any HQAF episodes recently? And we said, Oh, why don’t you listen to the one from our wedding, which was over two and a half years ago. And so we started listening to it and she’s like, who’s on this podcast?

And you’re like, Oh, Alana interviewed a number of our wedding guests, Greg and Taylor. Like we really wanted to listen to Greg and Taylor cause they were so drunk. It was very funny. And then. Alana goes. And then now we’re here with Danica

Yeah. So Danica  gave some nice commentary and  it was actually a delightful episode. We learned a lot about their parents 

Francis: and at the end of our segment, Danica was like, I don’t remember.

Danica: Maybe it’s for the best, right? Because I don’t follow social media as widely, it doesn’t weigh on my conscience. Like it does other people’s social 

Katharine: media. This is just subscribing as podcasts.

that’s like when people are like, I don’t participate in social media. It’s like, so you don’t participate in society. Cause like so many things happen on social media now, like a step. Yeah. Away from it, but it’s like still, you have to engage with culture right? 

Danica: In a sense. Right.   So my current roommate is gen Z.

Like she’s 23, you know, we go out and we do things that are like fun and interesting. And she has to take a million different photos of this. And this is not a negative criticism. It’s just an observation, right? Everything is so posed in a sense, uh, and everything is so like, Oh, this is good for the gram.

And that’s just not me. That’s not how I engage with my life. 

Katharine: But again, that’s not podcasting, 

Danica: it’s not podcasting, but when you say like, Oh, social media, and this is what it means to participate in the 21st century. I think the, it affords me a sense of privacy that  I have the other people don’t because they don’t expect me to post every week of my life.

And then at the same time, it allows me to enjoy my life in a way that’s not performative. 

Katharine: Yeah. I guess I would like never interact with social media  in a way that I. That I think I’m acting how people want me to act. Like I am very limited in what I do and I only do it in the hope that I learned something from this and I have somebody else says, but I never think that the things I see are things I should aspire to.

And let’s like, I follow like a lot of like news stuff and like intellectual writers. Yeah. Um, so yeah, I  just have limited my social media view, like without any sort of this  toxicity, but when I went to Prague, it was so unsettling to see people experiencing Prague just to put it on there. Like I agree so horrible. I hate it because I was in Prague and I sat down. And I heard like the wind going through the trees. And I heard  the sound of  the Kafka statue turning. And I just was like, this is like something that you can never put anywhere.

And yeah, it means everything to me. I don’t want us to lose that, but I also think there’s a beauty of social media that is we can connect with each other, no matter how far away we are or who we are. Like, there’s a, a real equality of social media. 

Danica: So  I think I’m always torn and again, it’s not a criticism of how she uses social media, my roommate, who is much younger than I am. So this is definitely a defining quality of her generation. Right? So for instance, when we were in Poland, we had gone back and forth about getting to the top of this mountain and I’d said, Yeah. I’m someone who loves to hike.

So I’m like,  this is dangerous. I don’t think we have the equipment. We need to come up with a plan B and she’s like, no, we can do it. We can do it. We ended up taking a cable car and we get to the top and we realize, Oh, we are really, we wouldn’t have been prepared to do this. It was super dangerous.

Like we’re about to be blown off this mountain. 

Katharine: Oh, that happened to me so many times I was 23. Like, uh, Oh no, but this is not right. 

Danica: Underestimated. But I remember sitting here taking photos with her and going out several times and literally we’re feeling like we’re going to be blown off this mountain.

And she is over here, like, okay, can you lend me your backpack so that I can take the photo? Because  I had this offspring backpack that looks like we’ve gone hiking into the mountains and she takes off her hat because it looks better to not to be in the photo without the hat.

 And I’m thinking here of someone who hikes. You know, I don’t think of myself as a novice. I think I’m kind of an intermediate Quaker, you know, I’m looking at this, like, I don’t think anyone was any experience with mountains would think, Oh yeah, you definitely wind up here without a hat in April when there’s this much snow around right early April.

 There’s just so much performance to it. And it’s kind of like you post it and you don’t say anything to indicate that you took a cable car up, you make other people fill in the blanks. Yeah. But 

Katharine: I feel like as an educator, you could appreciate the educational point of view of it.

Danica: So one of my other friends, like that’s the other thing, one of my other friends is really great. I’m making genuine connections and really making genuine opportunities off of Instagram. It’s very, very notable. But I think that she is the exception to the rule. I feel like most people do not use Instagram in this way.

Right. I mean, at the end of the day, it’s a tool it’s neither good, nor bad. If 

Katharine: somebody is selecting the algorithms and stuff for you. I very mindfully have to cheat the algorithm to see the things I want to see. 

Danica:  Earlier in the pandemic I was taking a happiness course with a bunch of my friends 

Katharine: who gave it 

Danica: Yale University.

It’s yeah, it’s a really good one 

  I learned from there and I’ve seen it in other places as well. That social media actually really doesn’t make you happy. And so I think there have been times and I’ve been like maybe as an artsy kind of thing.

I’ll do. Doner kebab, you know, like me in a reindeer outfit in billionaire, in quoting Nicha because the world is absurd and nothing matters. Right. Um, Donna kebab, you know, um, but just listening to the scientific research and them saying , no, this really doesn’t make you happy. I’ve not been compelled to go out and join.

So yeah, 

Katharine: I definitely understand like the dopamine cycle about it, but. What about Francis Crestwood, right? Parents cause you guys don’t really participate 

Chris: for instance, in social media, he used to post every day 

Francis: and he stole all of his 

Katharine: Facebook. 

Francis:  I think one thing that I have struggled with was like, this past year I’ve been like really struggling with depression.

Like not really feeling like the best of myself and I’ve been wanting to post something about it, but then not feeling like I could or should, or really even wanting to, but like on the opposite end of that,  you could post the good things about yourself. And it’s like that’s the only thing you can ever really post on social media is like the best things, but never really the worst things are the real things, real things. 

When you’re feeling down or feeling bad about yourself. Like you can never feel like. It’s good to post on social media about it.

Danica: Right. 

Katharine: I feel like people do, but they’ve already gotten past it. They’re like, I felt horrible for the past that you were like, this is what happened. 

Francis: Like when you’re in the middle of it and posting something that’s like super depressing or super down, that’s just not something you see.

Danica:  I remember in the early days of social media, when people post things like that, right back in the early days when there was no filter for anyone, I remember seeing posts like then thinking, Oh, you’re such an attention whore. You’re only doing this or that people will say something and be like, no, it’s not like that.

It’s not like that. And that’s such a callous view on it. Yeah. Right. 

Katharine: Well, I feel like there’s also like a socioeconomic feeling? Well, like, I look, I read things from people from like my home state or whatever, and they’re way, way more open about like the ups and downs or like, Ugh, like, Oh, how dare they use Facebook like this?

And  that’s like a very pointed socioeconomic point of view about it. 

Danica: Yeah. And also cultural, I think a friend of mine, who’s doing his PhD in New York, he’s German. He was telling me that he was depressed for such a long time, because he felt like with the Americans, they would always ask you, how are you?

How are you? How are you? And they expect to hear something positive. Oh, I’m great. I’m good.  Everything’s fine. They don’t really care how you are, because if you say something negative, it’s like, Oh, Oh like this, wasn’t what I was expecting. And they’re not ready for that kind of answer.

You’re not ready for that conversation. 

Katharine: And I’ve been trying very hard to give honest answers about that. Like for the past six months or something like I’m okay. But like I’m struggling with this, you know? And, uh, just because I feel like if somebody’s doing me the favor of asking me, I shouldn’t give them an honest answer.

Francis: Yeah. Yeah. I have a coworker, we have weekly tag ups and he was just like, Oh, you know, how’s things going. I was like, yeah, you know, I’m not feeling the greatest. Like, I feel like not great. And he immediately just glazed over it and then just kind of switched topics.

Like it’s hard when people don’t hear the normal, like, Oh, I’m doing okay. How are you? You know? Um, But then, you know, like actually the next week he actually did follow up was like, yeah, are you doing okay? Like, are you feeling fine? But you know, like I think like it just catches people off guard when they hear that.

And  it’s not something that they expect. Cause like here it’s just like the normal. 

Katharine: Yeah. I mean with coworkers, I wouldn’t tell them anything. My friends, I would probably try and be a bit more honest because. Who else am I going to get support from? 

Francis: Yeah, that’s true. Yeah. I expect, no, I expect no support from my coworkers.

Danica: No, that’s such a, um, I don’t know. I’m I guess I’m trying to find the balance now 

Francis: with your coworkers? 

Danica: Yeah. So the majority of my coworkers are Italian and in that culture, I can be here talking about my kids and my wife and my husband and, you know, and if I don’t, it’s considered super cold. So the fact that, Oh, you’ve been going through all these things and you haven’t said anything, it’s like, you really hate us.

Like, what is it? That’s the 

Francis: thing about co-workers is you actually spend more time with them than you do your, like your friends or your family or even your spouse sometimes. Like they are the people you see the most. Yeah. And so it’s weird that you section off a part of your time or part of your life with them.

Danica: It’s coming from you who really sub-second second off. 

Chris: Yeah. His coworkers even knew that he was gay until 

Francis: yeah. No, but like, cause it’s so weird, like, because I would prefer not to, and it’s with like my own ambition. Like I would love to just excel and just be okay. And do my work and just be good at my work without having to worry about like, Oh, my coworker over here is getting a divorce.

And so is doing X, Y, Z. But this other one is not doing well with their other coworker and like having to deal with like interpersonal drama, like just want to do other things. 

Danica: But realistically, do you think that that’s the case? Like, can you separate out these big emotional events?  

Francis: No, I don’t think it’s realistic. And that’s why I struggle with it. I mean, like my friend, Kerry is a great friend of mine. I love her to death, but when we were working together, like it just kinda complicated our work dynamic, like when we’re just coworkers, it just complicates it.

 In my current job, which I’ve been at for five and a half years, I’m I don’t think I’m super close, like not the same level of closeness as I was with Kerry. It allows me to be really good at my work, but it also allows me to be very divorced from my work, if that makes any sense. 

Katharine: Yeah, I would love a work situation where you could just be like, Hey, I am really struggling with a personal issue right now.

So I can’t be 110% of this. Because I got something else going on. Like it’s not forever. It’s not always. If it was, I would talk to my manager and address, like talking about working at  a accommodation or something, but just for a little while I need some grace in this.

And I feel like it is hard to draw that line of being like, I can’t be at the solvable, but it’s not forever. 

Chris: Yeah, there’s a human element that, that people need to add into it. And it’s hard to divorce that human element from the personal element. And so how do you develop that human connection with someone without being vulnerable?

How do you develop that human connection without being your authentic self in a role? And that’s that encompasses so much more than just what you do and Excel spreadsheet, as more than what you do with an outlook email. And it’s, and for me, I’ve always had that difficulty in separating the two.

And so I think one of my strengths at work is being that vulnerable person. That’s bringing my personal life to work sometimes. And so I’m much more open with my colleagues about who I am, who I’m with, what I’m doing, and it has its downsides. But I think in the end, it’s more positive because I do connect with my colleagues on, um, Much deeper level.

So that if I were to have something, to your point, if I were to have something that’s going on in my life, they’re like, no, I get it. I know you, this is what you bring to your work. And so, we’re going to give you that leeway. 

Katharine: I also think it’s so important for you to do that.

I would say, I don’t want to call you out, but as a white male, 

Danica: I agree with this, but 

Katharine: It’s so important for you to do that because it gives everyone else who are maybe a little differently privileged or less privileged gives them the opportunity to do that too. 

Danica: Right. And I think being a white male versus being non-white male, it’s viewed in a different way.

I had a very similar conversation with my coworker when I wasn’t doing okay for such a long time. And it was this thing. He just always thought that I was always mad at him and he just went like, Oh, of course women are just mad for no reason. Instead of just outright asking me, is there something that’s wrong?

What’s the matter?  I mean, I did tell him explicitly , this is not about you. There are just so many things going on in my life right now. I don’t have the emotional capacity to be this happy bubbly person.  A part of it of course, is we’re coming from two very different cultures.

So he’s like, well, what is the real message here?

Yeah. There must be something else I’m like, no, man, I cannot expect you to read my mind. So I don’t know why, when you know, any time we’ve had these issues, I’ve always confronted them head on. Why do you think that this is any different?  I think as the only woman in my workspace, it’s been like, but really what are you really saying?

Because women never tell us directly what they mean or what they want or, 

Chris: or she must be on her period. 

Danica: Yeah, yeah. 

Francis:  When our grandmother died, I remember coming back to work. I had to take two weeks off because you know, like she died in the Philippines and so I had to take two weeks off and so. Us bereavement is only like three days.

And then I had to take the rest off for PTO. When I came back, my manager was like, Oh, did you have a nice vacation? No. And it was just like, I didn’t have a vacation. I  went to my grandmother’s funeral in the Philippines. And that was that like, he didn’t say anything, but it’s just like, You know, you would never say that to somebody else.

Like I went to the Philippines and just because your image of the Philippines is like Barack high or some resort doesn’t mean that’s where I went. Like I went to the Philippines. 

Katharine: I didn’t even think about that. I thought about like, they were like, Oh, he has done for so long. Couldn’t be for a funeral.

Francis: Yeah. I never delved into it, but that was  my take on it, he was gone for two weeks. He went to the Philippines. Yeah. And I think  one thing that kind of tipped them off was like, Oh, I took a picture of my parents in like a restaurant. And they themselves were like doing the family politics of trying to seem happy and they took a picture Sofia bus, but that means nothing.

Like they took a picture of us in the Philippines, in a restaurant during two weeks where a normal person might grieve and have a range of emotions. I’m allowed to do this and you’re not allowed to tell me that I went on vacation for two weeks.

That’s not something you can tell me 

Danica: but it comes back to this thing that I was saying before about social media is that oftentimes it’s performative and the image that we’re portraying or the message that people receive has nothing to do with the actual reality behind the image.  I think, especially in your case, it has implications in real life.

Francis: Yeah. 

Katharine: But I think the user error is not in the poster, but in the like receiver, whatever 

Francis: you. Huh, how you shouldn’t be 

Katharine: connected with your coworkers?

Chris: Sort of like, I mean, it’s both ways like yes, you can take it in the sense that Oh, I’m, uh, you know, I, I’m only seeing the positive image of this person so that my assumption is that they’re going through a positive time. But then the poster is also like, I only feel like I can post the positive images.

And so it’s kind of the selfly and the forest and neither one is the incorrect response, but it is the way that social media has developed to force us to respond. That’s a terrible thing to say, but you can almost imagine like, why it’s understandable, why they think that based on both the culture of how Americans take vacation and we call it vacation.

Danica: I mean, to be fair, though, my boss, who is European also said the same thing about me coming back now, and I’m like, How can I possibly be on vacation? Everyone around me is working. I don’t know what you think I’m doing. 

Chris: Not fun.

Danica: thank you.

Katharine: This all came from me asking what your. My episodes was your favorite

Chris: And that was your final question? 

Katharine: I told you, 

Danica: I’m lucky. It goes so far. 

Francis: Katharine, which one would you recommend Danica listened to for her first Katharine HQAF Radio. 

Katharine: Oh, I like the Newlywed Game 

Chris: when Francis falls up the stairs.

Francis: Honestly, my  favorite part of that episode is Alana is  completely oblivious, oblivious to the swingers joke

Katharine: Yeah. Or like I was like very blatantly, like. This isn’t a real game. You can be weighing. 

Chris: You must please me 

Katharine: by just being nice to me. And it took until the last question for anybody

and I was like, you can sway my decision.  By making me feel nice by flattering   

I do like the animal crossing episodes too. 

Francis: So shall we finish this out?  

Katharine: Oh, sure. What’s the closing? 

Francis: Okay. So Katharine, how was your first time meeting Danica?  Has it met your expectations?

Katharine:  It’s been so fun. 

Chris: Very low expectations.

 Francis:  Danica was just a skipping machine 

Katharine: before and now I do. 

Danica: Even though she hasn’t experienced it firsthand differing opinions about the intensity of the frequency of this. Yeah. 

Francis: I mean, if you want to demonstrate 

Chris:  You can’t just call upon it 

Danica: Francis, that’s not how it works. 

Katharine: I would never ask her to expose that part of herself, honestly.

Danica: Yeah. It’s something that even my roommates are always like, Oh, you do it too. Huh? 

Katharine: Okay. Again, this is not a Danica skipping.

so many beautiful, beautiful things about Danica. And we’re back to this. I hate this. 

Francis: I did not turn it to this.

okay. I’m going to rewind this.

Chris: Good. That’s all now that you know about her skipping  

Francis: I did not say that. Right. Okay. Okay.  Danica. How about the other way around? How do you feel by Katharine? 

Danica: That’s a great meeting. Katharine. I didn’t know what to expect going into this before it actually, my good friend, and I were discussing this before of her coffee. And I was like,  I really don’t know what to expect because I’m only told what you’ve told me. Right. And I’ve met Katharine over Animal Crossing. 

Katharine: And Jack Box 

Danica: and Jack box and Jack box. And you know, like they can’t really fully encompass Katharine as a person.

Francis:  It’s like having a first date at a movie

Danica: it’s like having a blind date. Right. It’s like, Oh, they’re great. And they’re like this and this and this and this. And it’s just like, okay, but you’re going to the movie and you don’t really get to experience that fully. And yeah. Yeah. So I think it’s interesting. Cause this entire time, I’ve had this two dimensional image of Katharine as a person, and now we get to flesh it out and really discover who Katharine is.

Katharine: I noticed you didn’t say that you liked me though.

Danica: so, as I was discussing with my one friend B and having been in like in a very casual relationship with the French person, things are just very implied. Whereas Americans are very explicit about what they say. I’m learning to go between. I do really enjoy you as a person. I do 

Katharine: I enjoy you too.

Francis: I feel like though, as the Tan family trait Danica and I are very guarded about our own feelings. We also love to play chill. I 

Danica: was

Francis: Well, thank you guys for this very entertaining episode. Danica in six months when you come back from

Katharine: you’re going to go hiking together in Europe. So yes, 

yes. We’ll work. We’ll try and record.

Francis: and be like, Oh, can I borrow in your backpack? 

Chris: But we can be sure that Danica will not listen to that episode.

Danica: how dare you, Chris? I follow them on Spotify now. 

Francis: Danica, last question. What episode of HQAF have you listened to? 

Danica: Part of the wedding, 

Francis: her part, the one that Chris made you listen to? 

Danica: No, I have shared it with three friends. 

Katharine: That’s cute. So technically she’s listened to four. She’s responsible for four listens

Francis: shook it.   

Who’s That Bitch? I Don’t Know 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♀️

Summary

Francis and Alana continue to think through how to improve upon HQAF Radio and build an audience. Is it by making a blog? Is it by figuring out their demographic and reshaping their content? Finally? Also, Francis reveals a big surprise to Alana and it changes her perception of reality. Tune in to the hilarity!

Youtube: https://youtu.be/fvPkXrP6GeU

— Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/hqaf-radio/message

Transcription

Who’s That Bitch? I Don’t Know

 Francis:  What did you think of  the Marty episode  now that you’ve listened to it?  

Alana: Is that what we’re calling it, the Marty episode? We do Stan, Marty. He’s fabulous. Marty, if you’re listening, which you’re not because you’re an actual successful podcaster. you and you are beloved character now of our list of podcast characters. I thought it was great. The editing is so sublime.

Francis: Chris was listening to it and he’s like, I love it. But if I must say one thing, I wonder why you guys call Marty a professional podcaster. He only has 700 followers. I’m like it’s unheard of.

Alana: especially unheard of for us. Chris doesn’t get it. You know, he’s not a podcaster. 

Francis: He’s like, Marty’s maybe semiprofessional at best. He does a podcast network for a high school. I was like, if I can do a podcast for high school for money with followers,

Alana: Yeah, for real, I love how savage Chris is. Like, look, you know, he does a podcast for a high school.   We do a podcast for ourselves and we have one listener, okay.  Let’s do a compare and contrast over here of who’s more successful than the other. All right. Marty is killing it right now.

We love him. We stand him. 

Francis: We stand Marty. We’re his fans. I don’t know if he’s our fans, but we stand Marty.

Alana: Yeah. Oh yeah. And I have to tell you that I just know in my gut, we’re going to become viral. I just feel it Francis. And as a result, this is to make you laugh so hard. So I’ve been really getting into my current fan fiction recently. And  the fact that we are on the brink of becoming viral, I had thought to myself, Oh, I should post on our HQAF Instagram to promote my fan fiction profile because I’m going to start getting into this story. I want to get more followers. We are basically viral and I want to push my fan fiction profile. I want to push people to review my story.   That’s how deeply I feel that we are becoming viral just in the quality of our stuff, in the new mediums of which we are posting content. Like I feel it in my bones to the point where I already want to cash in and capitalize on it. I want to capitalize for my fan fiction persona and  get more views and reviews for those. Isn’t that just delightful to hear?

Francis: It’s so funny that you want to use your platform, not for  social good or, or like getting the news out, but you want to use their platform to get people to review your fan fic.

Alana:  very important that the rest of the world experience my fan fiction, Wingman 

Francis: Okay. I think there might not be a market for that, but if you switch to Sonic, we both know that there’s a huge market.

Alana: With Sonic, there’s a chance No, I totally agree. Oh my gosh. So what you’re saying is I can’t use the Instagram platform to promote my own fanfiction. Is it exclusively for our podcast or can we branch out to our other various  pet projects?

Francis: Oh, no, definitely. I think it’d be a wasted opportunity if you don’t do this. I mean,  it goes back to the Marty episode though, is like the only person you’re advertising to is Katharine at this point. But you know, if you, if you want to tell her to read Wingman,  feel free to use that platform.

Alana: Thank God. I was hoping you’d say that because I think it’s really great excited. Can we just take a moment to talk about how deeply inspired and creative and excited we’ve been getting about the podcast? Can you share a little bit of what you’ve been exploring on your end Francis with the audience on how HQAF we’re truly getting over here.

Francis: Girl,  we have a freaking YouTube channel and granted the channel itself isn’t new but one thing to look forward to this year, podcasts on YouTube, um, maybe even video podcasts? I don’t freaking know. I mean, if we’re trying to emulate Marty here,  that’s probably the end goal, but for right now, you can listen to us on YouTube with captions and that’s pretty freaking cool.  And then also we are using this service called Descript to transcribe our podcast. And so, we can have a website with transcriptions in case you wanted to read the hilarity that’s coming out of our mouths right now. That’s pretty freaking cool.

Alana: Exactly. See audience? We understand that time is hard to come by and in the pandemic, you’re not taking your long drives to your work anymore. Maybe you don’t have the same opportunities you used to have to listen to podcasts. So we’re giving you the chance to read our podcasts. If you’re wanting to abstain from doing actual work, you can take a read instead, and we just think it’s really going to be up your alley, folks.

Francis: Oh yeah.  If you want to read us late at night, instead of  waking up your partner or your neighbors with the sounds of our hilarity, now you have that option and we really hope that you make use of that and visit our . Website at  HQAF productions.tumbler.com or HQAF productions.wordpress.com.

We have a WordPress too, baby.

Alana: Wait, do we actually? Is that confirmed?

Francis: As of this recording, it hasn’t been launched yet, but it’s in draft mode. Yeah.

Alana: Also our tumbler is HQAF radio.tumbler.com. I’m sorry, Francis. I didn’t make it to, do you want me to make it HQAF dot productions? I can do that. I can do that.

Francis: I did have a note though for this episode, actually.   Is it confusing that on certain things we’re “dot productions”, but on other things we’re “dot radio”?

Alana: No. And let me tell you why. I have a whole marketing backstory that I don’t know if you want to wait until we’re further along in the episode to talk about, but  I’ve been thinking about that too, about a rebrand. Do we need a rebrand? I have thoughts about this and I’m ready to share them when you’re ready to. 

Francis: Let’s do it. 

 So tell me  about this marketing rebrand that you’ve been thinking about

Alana: Absolutely Francis happy to do so. So  we’ve been furiously texting each other  for the past five days, I’d say about exclusively the podcast.  No. Hi, how are you going on over here in the text sphere. It’s mostly just only been about HQAF radio and how much we wish we could quit our current jobs to make this our current job.

 This podcast is just so exciting for us. Francis had discovered this new thing that Spotify was giving creators  like you can go and  create social graphics. And it looks like email graphics as well, based on the sizing of the images.

 And so I downloaded the social media graphic and I came out with two different ones, a fuchsia or mauve Mave color versus  a deep purple. And so Francis is saying, Oh, I kind of like  the fuchsia color cause that kind of goes more with our colors but also the deep purple. And I said, Oh yeah, I definitely see the deep purple as a secondary color and the fuchsia as a primary color. And then I realized it’s not like we have a brand book, but maybe we should look into having a brand book of our colors.

And then that got me thinking about, okay, HQAF dot productions, that’s our Instagram. Right. But we’re HQAF radio, but.productions allows us to  have a full range of things that we produce such as video podcasts. Right. 

And so what I like about having this parent brand and  a child brand, is that it gives us that opportunity to look at different mediums, you know, because we’re not just a radio show, right, Francis? We’re a whole slew of different things. So the YouTube being HQAF dot Productions can be all inclusive of our Animal Crossing live streams or now our transcript videos.

Perhaps if we were going to go the route of Papa Marty and So that’s why I  came back to, No we should still be called HQAF dot productions and not change that as our parent brand.

Francis: God, I love it so much. And this goes back to our demographic discussion, like  who are you trying to market to?  There’s actually  an example of  a web series with two drag Queens that I really like. Their names are Trixie Mattel and Katya.

And the show itself is called, UNHHH literally that U N H a D digital. Yeah. It’s like, uh, it’s called that. And literally their tagline is  this is our show where we talk about anything we want. Cause it’s our show.   Yeah, look it up. I don’t think they’re doing it anymore, but they were on for a few years and were pretty successful.

They had a pretty big following and it was literally just a show about them being themselves. Granted they’re drag Queens, they’ve got huge personalities, but  if they can have a show about themselves and just talk about whatever the fuck they want, we can have a show about whatever the fuck we want it to be and just be out there exploring and making content 

Alana:  And getting 2.9 million views. I see. Uh, yup.  Uh, Oh, what a great name! Initially, I thought that makes no sense, but now I get it and it doesn’t make HQAF Radio sound like such a mouthful of terrible naming conventions. Like I’ve always felt like, Oh, HQAF radio does not rolled off the tongue.

It’s a bad name for a bad word. Now I’m like if people can get 4 million views, think, but it you’ll see here that the parent brand is  called WOW Presents . So this further supporting the idea that having a parent brand  is a good move for us because it gives us the most flexibility for whatever we want to do , you know?

Francis:  So does that mean that we’re going to create an offshoot fan fiction podcast?

Alana: I sincerely hope so.  Oh man, this is going to reveal so many things that are so embarrassing about me, but that’s okay because  I’m subscribed to this channel and I’m excited to go on this journey with myself. So going back to how I wanted to use the podcast to do a self promo for myself, I definitely have thought about another child brand being an audio book series.

Now we tease this a little bit. If you recall, in the initial like introduction or the episode where we got the idea to do the fan fiction series of my childhood fanfiction, but this would specifically be my current fan fiction readings that literally just me would listen to, but maybe this is how I get you and 

Francis: Well, um, uh, 

Alana: or, and not that, and not in that capacity, but what are your thoughts about me starting a child brand, which is just dedicated to my little fan fiction. 

Francis: Well,  I was actually thinking about that.    Listening to the third fanfic episode that we’re going to record soon,  you have  a great audio book voice. Your radio voice in general is pretty good, but  you have a very soothing voice and I like listening to you  read off the stories. 

Alana: Yay. 

 Francis:  Your audio book voice is pretty different from your podcast voice in that it’s  softer and  it just really lends itself to an audio book, I think.

And so  the fact that you bring that up  as an offshoot series,  I think  makes a lot of sense.  Just another way for you to just advertise your fanfic I guess. And honestly, I don’t think it would be a bad venture, like just cause you have a good voice for it.

Alana: Yay. Awesome. I love that. And I do feel like I go into a zone and I have a different voice for when I’m reading stuff and I really enjoy it. In another life, I think I envisioned myself doing audio book recordings. Cause I like reading stuff and I like getting into that zone.

You  go and put on that audio book had, and it’s just very soothing and nice to, I don’t know, read something, but then also read it out loud. I guess I will enjoy reading books to my kids when I’m older, but yeah, it’s just like fun to read stuff and read it out loud and record yourself. 

 Francis:  I am fully supportive of it. Like I think it actually be great content, like no joke.

Alana: my God. That’s awesome. Maybe. Yeah, maybe we extend, Hikari Bruder’s Banker Box Fan Fiction to  include this audio book series of my current fan fiction.

Francis: Yeah, maybe it’s just like an audio book. And then we have the analysis of it on the radio show. And then we just link back to the auto book.

Alana: And then that’s how I get you to hear my fan fiction.

This is all just again, Francis. No, but then I can promote our radio show in my fan fiction. Which I do actually have readers and followers and people who are subscribed to my fan fiction.  And I just haven’t linked it, I guess I could have, but this new fan fiction series didn’t go live until this year.

And I haven’t updated my story in six months because I’ve been in a COVID-19 depression. But now  that I recognized that I was in a COVID-19 depression that has somehow unlocked all of the creativity and  the writer’s block. Now I’m over the threshold  and I’m getting all these ideas.

So now I can promote the radio show in my fan fiction. Because before I felt like it didn’t really have a tie in to  my own personal Hikari Bruder brand. like, it’s not just an occupation. It’s the way that I organize thoughts in my brain.

Francis: it’s a passion. It’s a way of life.

Alana: It kind of is . Marketing was  something that I thought for myself as like, Oh, maybe I could go and do this. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up,  but I always thought, Oh, if there was a job where you just like hype things up that you’re really excited about, then that could probably be my job.

And that’s marketing. Really. I just didn’t have the word for it back then. 

Francis: Oh, yeah, definitely. You are such a great hype person.  Like when you commit to something and you just put your energy and your thoughts and your time into it and your enthusiasm, it really shows and it’s super infectious.   You have that sort of energy that people really want to go ahead and do or buy or listen to what you’re marketing to them.

And it’s a great quality to have as a marketer.

Alana: Oh, thank you, Francis. I’m sorry that it hasn’t translated to followers for our podcast, but it’s translated to my further enthusiasm for our podcast to build up that audience. But yeah, it’s been a very interesting journey for us, figuring out these things, figuring out parent brands, brand books, marketing strategies, and separate child brand ideas.

I think the hardest part for us is figuring out the demographic question, because I don’t know that we’ve landed in our last conversation or in the last episode on what quite that is. I mean, what do you think that is, Francis?

Francis: Well, so  if we take UNH as an example, even though it’s a show about really anything they want it to be, at least that’s what their tagline is. It’s really gay men that follow drag Queens. Their following I’m sure is just a lot of gay men and some straight girls, but just mostly gay men.

 Our dedicated following is just limited to a handful of people. So it just kinda makes it hard when our podcast isn’t really targeting anything. Like it’s cool now that you have this fanfic audio book idea that we can really go off of, and maybe we’ll have some more people following through that avenue, but they’ll really only be following for the fanfiction, hopefully the radio show.

 Alana: Can I take that as you admitting that our demographic demographic. Cause about UNH being a good example of a podcast about people just talking and they have a large gay demographic. Are you admitting that maybe that’s our demographic or no? 

Francis: No,  I’m just saying that they’re  very famous drag Queens that won RuPaul’s Drag Race 

Alana: Oh yeah. Then that’s why they have a basis of fans already like that fans who would follow them because they’re known. Well, we just have to draw from our fans previously, but then who are our fans? See, this is what I’m having a hard time with. Like, is it just millennials? I don’t know.

Should we just start with our age?

Francis: You’ve got Yu-Gi-Oh fans from your Yu-Gi-Oh fan fiction worlds. 

Alana: They’re so ready to definitely subscribe. They’re definitely still there. I don’t know if they’re still there. Like I’ve been on fanfiction for 17 years. I don’t know if these people are still like actually checking their emails when I update or if they’re just like, Hmm.

Who’s that bitch? I don’t know. 

Francis: You mean fanfiction.net doesn’t give you like readership stats? 

Alana: Yeah, it does actually. Yeah, it gives me traffic stats and it’ll tell me by month, like what my hits are for my profile. And then I can also select based on stories, how many hits I’m getting per stories, like which one has the top views, which one has the top reviews and my subscriber account or author alerts is what they’re called on fanfiction.net it is rather high too, which means that anytime I’ve publish or update anything like X amount of people get an email notification. Granted, these are people who subscribed to me or added me as an author alert several years ago.

 We’re talking almost two decades. So how many of these people are still active or using the account from when they were 12 years old? That has yet to be said. So that’s where it gets a little murky as far as  current followers of my account. But then what does that mean, Francis? Like how do we move forward with figuring out our demographic?

 Do we just lean into the very niche, subset group that we know and just make that work or do we just acknowledge that it’s just me, you, and Katharine that are along for the ride and then a subset of 13 other people cause Anchor tells us our estimated audience is 14. Sorry, I have to subtract so 12 people or 11, sorry, 11 people. I’m not good at math on the fly.

 How do we move forward from here? What’s the plan? 

Francis: Okay. So I have a few questions then to ask you and I collectively as HQAF. So we touched on this a little bit, but we now have a website slash blog.  You see people have those things. I don’t know why, but we have it now. And I think we can put our transcripts on there, but would that help our brand?

And if so, what would we post  other than the episodes themselves and maybe the transcripts, what could we post and would that be beneficial to our brand as a whole?

Alana: You know, Francis that’s a great question. Um, I don’t know. You’re getting my very authentic reaction right now. I was not prepared for you to ask such like comprehensive and thorough questions. Cause I’ve never had to think that way for this podcast. It’s been really fun. 

Francis: You’re a marketer. Surely the place of work that you market for has a blog like shit. Can we emulate their style of blog?

Alana:  Actually this is a great point. And does tie into the previous question that I had, because everything we do in terms of the blog that I manage in my current occupation and in my current role is based on the value we’re providing to the audience and knowing what the audience is, is what kind of dictates, what kind of content and how we manage our blog and what kind of posts that we post .

And so that’s why it  does go back to the audience, right? Because depending on who you’re making content for, that will derive the value and therefore the direction that we should be taking our content. So while I a week or two ago, a proudly announced in a group chat with Francis, Katharine, and Chris that we were on Tumblr because, uh, you know, seven years ago people were on there 10 years ago, whatever it was.

I haven’t been on Tumblr in a long time, not since college, to be honest, but I thought, Oh,  this type of content, it’s just  strange enough and touches on anime enough that  I think it would really resonate well. So far we do not have followers other than my own personal Tumblr but anyway,  I thought we can build it up.

I thought the Sonic thing would  totally get traction, but it did not. So. Maybe not  Tumblr, maybe an official website is the way to go. But I do think it still ties back to the initial question of we need to figure out who our demographic is. Although it’s been very fun to just say our demographic is ourselves, but that’s not going to make us viral is the problem.

And you know, I’m banking on that for my fan picturing career. So we gotta think of ways.

Francis: Well, why don’t we take it a different direction then? So maybe instead of trying to figure out our demographic or who we’re trying to market to first, maybe we’ve talked about what we enjoy about the podcast, because  when we first started this, we didn’t even have any of that in mind.

We just fucking did it because we love talking to each other and just having this record of our conversations and logging in on the internet and frankly, just speaking out into the abyss, even if it’s just for our own entertainment is therapeutic in its own ways. And it’s so much fun and you and I just derive so much joy out of just making the podcast itself.

 Is there something that we could do on a regular basis that is more targeted? So like your fan fiction audio book idea, maybe we talk about specific things that would then lend itself to a specific demographic that we can then market

Alana: That is true.  If you look at Anchor and you look at our most listened to episodes, I know the Spain episode is the top one, which always makes us laugh because it was the episode that never had a part two. Um, Oh, these are actually different top episodes than I was prepared to speak to.

I thought the Black Panther review was up there. Apparently it’s not folks. As of right now, our top episodes are  the Spain episode, Viva Espana, To College or Not to College, have no idea why that is a top episode, but, okay. Anyway, you know, I guess we do have a Yu-Gi-Oh  The fan fiction thing could go over very well. Friendship Anniversary Mix Up, which is the most confusing. That was our very first episode. We did not have an idea or theme song or any sort of direction, and then Chill Out, which is talking about how I lack chill.

So just kidding.  We have no idea what we’re doing  

Francis: And to be completely transparent, a lot of those episodes, those were two years ago, weren’t they?

Alana: Yeah.  Over two years, I think. Some of our earliest episodes are on here. It’s

Francis: That was when Spotify was actively giving us a spotlight before they realized, Oh, no, like they’re not getting any followers.

Alana: Yeah, this isn’t growing. Um, gosh, uh, yeah, I don’t know… 

Francis: How do you feel about joining another podcast network? 

Alana: Oh, I love it. Like a collaboration opportunity.

Francis: Um, maybe? 

Alana: Yes. They talk about it in marketing all the time.  Collaborating with different entities or doing guest blogging or  having  guest speakers or being guest speakers on another podcast would be excellent and is a great way to get our word out there.

Francis:  I was just thinking of like, what would we  guest speakers about? Our friendship?

Alana: Oh my God. You’re right.  We don’t have like authority in any one subject. I guess I would be the authority on Yu-Gi-Oh specifically Seto Mokuba. Uh, other than that, I really don’t know. Supporting my brother who just got a new car.

Francis:  So it sounds like some of this marketing is geared towards professional ventures, if you will. What about people who are podcasting for the fun of it.  You see a couple of podcasters and they’re celebrity podcasters, mind you.

So they have already have a following behind them, but like Michelle Obama, when she did hers on Spotify, her podcast was about life in general and just talking about what it means to be living in America today. What’s that other guy’s name, Dax Shephard. He has a podcast called Armchair Therapy and they just talk about other people’s bullshit and people listen to them.

It’s a very popular podcast.   You and I just talk about our bullshit all the fucking time. How do we not have the kind of followership Dax Shepard does? 

Alana: I know, I think about this all the time. I follow a couple of podcasts that are literally just people shooting the shit and doing exactly what we do. Granted, they are established. In this case that the podcast I follow, their video podcasts that were started by YouTube personalities  like very established YouTube people.

So they already had that following. So people are just following them because they’re interested in their real life  and interested in seeing them just shoot the shit. Right. But yeah, I think we’re just lacking that fan base, but how do we do it in reverse? So a lot of these people already are established, right?

They have been from other things. And so that’s what gets people interested in that creates the urgency to want to follow and listen to these people. So how do we do it backwards? How do we create the podcast and shoot the shit and then build the brand? 

Francis: I do have a couple of other questions and this one is related to this.  So I’ll piggyback off of this last point, but should we change our category at the very least, because we are marketing ourselves right now as a comedy podcast first and foremost. But if you go into Anchor, if you go onto spotify and you go through the list of podcast categories, maybe we’re something else.

Maybe we’re a lifestyle category, maybe Frank and Anala is a lifestyle brand that we should be pushing out there to the masses.  Maybe we’re entertainment.

Alana:  Oh my God. You’re right. Entertainment isn’t comedy. Well, I was just about to make a really silly statement that I still made retroactively. Hold on. That’s insane. I mean, I remember when Katharine said the fact that you guys call yourself a comedy podcast, I will continue and forever object to that.

But yeah, we categorize ourselves as a comedy podcast because if you listen to our very, very first episodes, all we do is laugh and we think we’re very funny. I think truly objectively speaking, like unbiased, which can’t be possible because I’m speaking about myself and our friendship. I think that we’re very funny, but yeah, maybe it’s a bit of a stretch to say we’re a comedy podcasts, but yeah, maybe we are a lifestyle podcast.

I have new hashtags to try. 

Francis: Okay. So I’m just going to go through a quick glance at the podcast categories of Anchor and maybe some of these will speak to you. So there’s an arts category, design books, food, performing arts, visual arts. Business where we could talk about careers. Well, we don’t talk about careers at all. Really. 

Alana: We have a money episode Francis. Hello? I think we have two money episodes. Hello?

 Francis: There is a marketing subcategory, nonprofit, investing, entrepreneurship. The comedy category, where they have improv, stand up, comedy interviews,

Alana: Oh, is that what a comedy podcast is? Yeah, we’re not a comedy podcast. Wow. I’ve been misrepresenting our show. Oh God. You would think I would do research before I would like W advertise us as something. Wow. Uh, what are the other ones? Um, 

Francis: There’s education. Within education, there’s courses, how to language learning, self-improvement. There’s a fiction podcast category, which I think if we went down the fan fiction, audio book route, this would be perfect for that. But there’s also comedy fiction, science fiction and drama underneath that government category, history, health and fitness, kids and family, leisure and under leisure.

 There’s a bunch actually. So this is almost like a catch all, but under leisure, there is animation in Monga. Automation are automotive, aviation, crafts, games, hobbies, home, and garden and video games.  There’s music news, religion. Science, society and culture. Oh, underneath  society and culture, there is documentary, personal journals, philosophy relationships.

This sounds, this actually sounds pretty close to us. Yeah. We might even be like a personal journal, I guess. I don’t know. 

Alana: journals, but you know,

Francis: know, this is our journal of our

Alana: of our friends. Yes. Uh, and I definitely think philosophy spoke to me. Right. I think about the goals episode. I think about the mental health series episode, I think about me longer seeing a pediatric dentist episode.

Like I feel like this is just very, we’re having some very philosophical conversations here that is resulting in real change in our real lives. And that people may benefit from hearing these revelations that we’re having live on the air.

Francis:  Or maybe we’re a documentary, we’re  documenting our evolution as not just a podcast, but as people,

Alana: I have always felt that way. For sure. Yeah. Our friendships, our our own personal goals. 

Francis: Our relationships with people around us, 

Alana: absolutely. Yeah, no, we’re talking some like real deep shit over here, I think. Yeah. I think that honestly it. Wait, so it’s called a documentary podcast with.

See what gets the better traction

Francis: should we change it now? Or should we do some research? For all we know, documentary is probably like something about  killer whales and sea world.  We’re just taking over the hashtag with our own podcast. 

Alana: I know, hold on. I am going to do some light research on Instagram, up, uh, that hashtag and just seeing what comes up documentary podcast. Let’s see what we got. Um, go here. It has 500 plus posts, so not a lot, uh, Marvel declassified falls under this 

Francis: Oh, it’s more academic in nature than it sounds 

Alana: I see  like series that are from sky news or BBC. 

Okay. Philosophy podcasts has a thousand plus posts. We’re getting there, we’re getting there and let’s see, this is staying conscious podcast. Season two, the basis of happiness to be open-minded understanding consciousness, creating a life

Francis: Oh, no,

Alana: the education system. with me exclusively.

Like we opened my mind to the opportunity of not lying to my dentist about my age doing research to find a new one.

Francis:  Yeah, I think the closest we are might be personal journals or relationships. If we were going down that subcategory route or just society and culture, maybe just  in general.

Alana:  Yeah. I do see that lifestyle, I guess has 28,000. So it’s getting better and better. Personal journal? I don’t think that’ll get a lot of hits but let’s see. Oh yeah, it’s a hundred plus. That’s not going to work. Oh, society and culture.

Francis: Lifestyle isn’t on here as a choice. There’s a leisure, Monga, hobbies.

Alana: I can’t believe they don’t have lifestyle. Oh yeah, because we have to pick something that will fit in their category. Right?

Yeah. 

Francis: You can just do like the society one, right? That’s pretty general.

Alana: Yes,  is society one? 

Francis: Yeah, we can do that society and culture because we’re so cultured. This is a podcast about culture. 

Alana: It absolutely does not have a lot of hits on Instagram and by hits guys just for background information, I’m literally looking up the hashtag. So like hashtag philosophy podcast versus hashtag personal journal podcasts. So that’s where my research is going and yes, I am in marketing in my real life.

And  this is what I’m doing. There could be so many other things , I’m learning as I go along.  

Francis: Okay. So my next question, should we consider changing some of our looks? And this kind of goes back to the brand, but  should we look at our logo? Should we look at changing our theme song?  Maybe  updating some of the current existing elements of the podcast and just refreshing our brand a little bit

Alana: So, yes, to some questions and no to others. So I would say no to our theme song, because our theme song is a bop. That’s really accurate. I mean, do you want to change the theme song? We are a partnership. We are two co-hosts that make up HQAF radio. So I shouldn’t be the one determining absolutely.

This is what we should do, but I think our theme song and our outro song is great. But what are your thoughts? 

Francis:   Okay. So this episode hasn’t posted yet  as of this time of the recording, but I did do something different with the Newlywed Game that  you might like you might not, but actually, I created it more with Katharine’s vision in mind where it’s sounds a little bit more like a game show.

So instead of our usual intro and outro, I actually incorporated a different  song at the very beginning and have  sound effects  mixed in with it as well. So it just has a completely different feel. 

Alana: Oh, that’s awesome. I would love 

Francis: Yeah.  If there was, I don’t know, somebody that actually made us like a different intro for us or made  an extended intro, I might be interested, but no, I think you’re absolutely right.

 Like when you first listened to the podcast, that is  one of the first things that  you hear, you hear the sound of the intro, you hear the sound of the outro and the transitions and the fact that they’re all cohesive and consistent with each other.

Like you just remember that du, du, du, du, du, du, du, du, like that’s us now. I don’t know that I would really change it unless somebody came along and expanded upon it.  That whole melody or jingle at the very beginning is us at this point.

Alana: I completely agree. And I find myself humming to that theme song all the time and I love it so much and we’re totally aligned on that.  I think it’s really perfect. Like both the length and the energy and just everything. I think it’s great. So no to theme song. I do think we should change our sponsored ad because that was recorded a long time ago. I still remember the day it was the summer of 2018 and we were sitting in my little dining room table and  what I love about it, the authenticity of it, because I mess up and you laugh and it’s just  so raw and so real, which used to be very much in in line with our brand but now that we’re truly becoming like professional podcasters, I have thought about, and I even drafted too, I think you saw a new script for a new  ad read, which we can do later. But yeah, I do think that could be updated, but not the intro or outro, just the ad read. we definitely still need to make money on Anchor.

Francis:  The $11 that we’ve made so far is really taking us places so

Alana: I can’t wait to buy a house with it. 

 Francis:  In addition to the ad. And so like that the music itself, but what we say during the intro and outro, do you think that that can be updated because, you know, when we listened to other podcasts and I think I texted you about this before,  one of the daily podcasts that we listened to here in this household is Curiosity Daily.

And at the end they have  this list of people that help make the podcast. They go , Oh, producers is, um, I forget their names, but it’s XYZ and editors XYZ. And, um, lawyer in fact, checked her, is this person and music rights, is this person like, should we go into all of that? Does that make sense for us?

 Should we be repping all of our different websites now, now in our brands and our, um, I was going to say all of our different social media is we only have one, but  should we use that better to put in a call to action of some sort.

Alana: Yes with that kind of perspective and that frame of mind. Yes. I think so for adding extra kind of resources at the end  and additional like CTAS right. Because now people can find us on all different things.  We’re on YouTube and we’re on Tumblr and we will soon be on WordPress. And so yeah, that tracks with me. Absolutely. And I guess what I was curious about was we would do credits when it’s just me and you, or would we credit Katharine? Because honestly, at this point, like we started this podcast three and a half years ago for you and I, and now that’s expanded, the fandom has expanded to Katharine. So.

Yeah. I feel like she deserves a little shout out, even though she gets one literally every episode, because we always talk about how we have no one listening to this other than Katharine. I would love for someone to write in, write in, like they would DM Muslim, Instagram, like what the, we don’t have a PO box.

Like, what the fuck? Should we create a PO box one for no one to send us shit, but to or wonder of the estimated 14 people that listen like who those other people are. And if they just listened

Francis: my God,

Alana: reference Katharine, like ow man, like that hurts cause I’m listening, but they’ve never made themselves known.

So maybe not, but also they may not know us personally. They may not be able to text us. 

Francis:  So  I was looking at our Spotify stats, which is like different from Anchor. Like Spotify, if you would go to their page for podcasters, they tell you like, Oh, this is the musical preferences that the person that’s listening, what they were listening to generally speaking of your audience and what, one of the things that kind of struck me was, and how I know that it’s more than just you and me listening continuously on Spotify is that there, it was somebody who identifies as non-binary that lives in Canada.

And they listened for one episode. I forget what episode. I think it was a fan fiction episode. I was just like, wow, we’re reaching somebody somewhere.

Alana: listener shout out to Canada. We love you. Oh my God. Yeah, I just feel like we have to be reaching someone somewhere. We just don’t know who they are yet. And they’re obviously not connecting with us on other mediums, so, Oh my God. I love to dream. I love to dream and I love to think of all our fans as just additional best friends along the journey.

Not best friends at cohost, cause that’s just me and you, but best friends that just like to be along for the wonderful ride that we’re currently on.

Francis: To use 13 listeners out there. Thank you for following along. And, if you’re interested in this journey, follow us on WordPress. Ah, fuck. I don’t fucking know who you are. too much.

Alana: Oh, geez. That’s so funny. Um, yeah, just like, please follow us. I mean, we do give our Instagram a shout out in the current outro that we have. So technically they would be able to follow us there if they can,

Francis: you know, just give us some money, follow us on Venmo and just give us some $5 to, you know, pay for some ads to target you guys. 

Alana: Yes. That would be amazing. But going back to your original question. No, I don’t think the theme song needs to be updated. Yes. Maybe the outro to include the various ways that people could connect to us. Now that we’re on something other than Instagram. As far as our logos, I like our colors.

So I will say , let’s keep the brand colors, but maybe update the logo, but I don’t know. What do you think? 

Francis:  Give me one second. And I want to send you something that I had been working on, and I want to get your initial reaction.  I’m about to send it.     Our logo as a face of you and me and what you are about to see is a refresh of the icons,  and so right now I sent you what my face would look like.

 What are your initial thoughts?

Alana: Okay. So first I love that there’s additional detail to it. It very much looks more like you, right? Cause it’s just got additional features, additional detail, but it does scream. What is the universe that Elmo is from?

Francis: Oh, a Sesame street,

Alana: Oh, sorry. It has a little bit of that. Like Ernie and Bernie or whatever, the Bernie

Francis:  Ernie and Bert.

Alana: but it just seems to be a little bit in that realm. I’m sorry. I don’t want to be okay.

Francis: I’m sending you.

Alana: Why do I not have hair in this? Why do I look like I have a mullet, but I’m bald on the top? Like, what is this? This is not like rehash. Also I have blush only on one side, not the other, I’m offended. Like, um, also I am pencil thin eyebrows, you know, that isn’t like in right now, uh, which I never, by the way, subscribers, I never did the pencil thin eyebrows. I always kept in bushy and yes, I got made fun of it. up with me. Um, my mom wouldn’t

Francis: Okay.

Alana: pick by eyebrows, but yeah, this is also, I have a bigger nose than this, I think, which thank you.

You’re being very generous, but also where did my hair go? Am I that white? Jesus. I look like the girl from, um, the ring with a smile, but

Francis: Okay. I, okay. Okay. So the way I tried to do these icons, I actually use the picture to model, uh, these photos after. So hold on, let me see if I can find one. 

Alana: Which picture of mine? 

Francis:  This is something you have to post on the

Alana: I absolutely do.  Actually, this would be great content. I’m definitely putting your photo first. Not mine.

Francis: and so this is  the most recent photo that I have of you. And this was pandemic time. And it’s you like chilling in our backyard?  Being socially distant. And I was just modeling the picture after what I saw here. And actually when I showed it to Chris, he was like you’ve modeled it after that, like, she doesn’t look like that.

Alana: Wait, so Francis, you looked at this and you were like, that’s Alana. That’s my best friend. I for five and a half years. Like we’re

Francis: Okay.

Oh, Oh, no.

Alana: day. 

Francis: Okay. Take a look at that picture of, and take a look at the icon. Edit told me that I wasn’t at least close to  actually modeling the picture itself.

Alana: I’m still trying to understand the blush on one side.  I’m sorry, but also, uh, I mean,  I guess because  my little side part and situation is behind my ear, but I guess I do have a big forehead. didn’t have issues with my forehead. And now I do. Now I’m insecure as fuck about it because of this like cartoon version. very strange. And

Francis: I know. And that’s why I didn’t initially show it to you. I actually drew this up in October. Yeah. And I was like, Oh, this, this doesn’t

Alana: doesn’t,

this doesn’t look right. Wait, hold on. I want you also wait, can I take a step back and say, I hope I’m not like stomping on all of your dreams right now. And, but

it’s just, it’s not me, you know, was there. Like, Hey guys, this is, like, it’s pretty spot on, but mine is just say.

I feel like I look, I look like I, um, to me that I’m not quite over yet, which I mean, we both know I’m in therapy, so that could entirely be the case, but it’s just capturing a very strange side of my soul. 

not that white. Am I white? Maybe I am that white 

Francis:  You’re pretty white Alana. I don’t know that you’re like tan.

Alana: Yeah. But I am as white as the background, but look at  how I am. Like you look at the photo. color to me. Like I am a person with like blood running through my veins. This looks like I’m a piece of paper, just, that’s crazy.

That’s like I’m anemic and I don’t eat enough iron. 

 Um,  so I will say this, I like the direction you’re going. I like how they’re more detailed. Right. They’re still cartoony, but they just have more details to them. I don’t know, with the one that we have now, you don’t really have eyes. You just have glasses. 

Francis: Okay. And the one that we have now you’ve got mascara on and braids.  I’ve never seen you wear braids before, and it’s just 

Alana: Oh, my God. You’re right. Oh, I have I shadow on, I never worn an eyeshadow. 

sorry. When you got married and when I got married were the two times you have ever seen me with eyeshadow. 

That is so funny. 

Francis: And I’ve never seen your hair like that. I just took  a stock photo from somewhere.  And I think in your case, I actually made  the hair brown. Cause I think it was a different color. And I turned my character more of a was it. So I was triggered by head at 

Alana: so funny. Yeah. my God. I don’t even know how to do a braid.

Francis: I can’t believe you just noticed that

Alana: I’ve never noticed how I had eye shadow. That’s so funny. I was like, wow. I look so pretty in this. This is me. And then you show me, I’m going to have to post like the comparison. Is there a side-by-side? Do you still have like the image of just the girl?

Cause I just want to show a comparison, like how I started, how it’s going. Oh, that’s perfect for how it started, how it’s going. Do you have the original like cartoon heads or is that too far? Long ago? 

Francis: I think it’s too far along ago,

Alana: Damn. 

Francis: for it and see, 

Alana: So. Yeah, but I think It’s a start. Definitely. It’s  fodder for the Instagram, 

but, um, you know, maybe just try again,

Francis: Wow audience, this is the first time Alana is telling me to just start over this isn’t right. 

Alana: Is this our first fight? 

Francis: I, probably think it is, I think it is

Alana: Wow, also we’ve never had a fight audience. I don’t think we’ve ever mentioned that ever. Yeah. And then there was even a podcast where all they do is shoot the shit and I said, wow, this is us. And then they had one episode where they said that they stopped being friends for two years.

I’m like, just kidding. They’re not us. They’re dead to me. This podcast sucks. I did actually lose affinity and affection towards that podcast. After that, it was like, Oh, you guys aren’t real best friends. See you later. yeah, friendship is pretty deep. Maybe friendship is our brand. Oh, well actually, literally it is.

It’s like the whole premise of the show, the theme song is we’re two best friends. You had the best PR shift. Assailant is friendship. This is a show about two best friends. Like literally if I’m just now discovering it, I’ve been way off the mark for years. 

 This is the best. 

Francis:  This has been great.   Have we settled on any action items for us to actually do? Wait, I know what I’m not going to do. I’m not going to use those icons for our next rebrands, from scratch.

Alana: right. Yeah. For sure. Not great for comedy purposes. Although I think we did discover we’re not a comedy podcast, so progress? Yeah 

Francis: we’re getting somewhere. We’re going to figure out what our fucking demographic is and then category to match that demographic. 

Alana: Yeah. I wonder if we should even change our podcasts category now, or what do you think? 

Francis: Oh yeah, let’s do it. What do you think? Society and culture? 

Alana: Yeah, for sure. We live in this society and where you’re so cultured. 

for adults and it’ll blow your socks off, girlfriend.  

Francis: Okay done where we are now, officially as of this moment, a society culture podcast.

Alana: Dude, watch our followers blow up after this. Like now that we’re actually reaching the appropriate type of listener is going to be something,

Francis: Yeah. I’m looking forward to it.  In our next action item is like starting this fan fiction spinoff, the  Banker Box Fan Fiction Series. That’s our next thing. 

Alana: Yeah. See you bruh. Kelly. Hey guys, we just know what’s up.

Francis: Yeah, if nothing else, we have you guys and that’s all that matters. We love you. 

Alana: Exactly. We love you guys. We love that you’re listening and we love that you continue listening, or at least we hope you do. We think you do, maybe you don’t, but  we’re happy that you’re along for the ride as we are just re literally the ride being, figuring out what the fuck this podcast is about and who our demographic is. 

Francis: If you guys want to tell us you love us, there is actually an option for you to leave us a voice message in the description of these episodes. So feel free to leave us a voice message. If nothing else, to just give us a nice, warm, fuzzy feeling in our hearts to let us know. You’re listening to two best friends talk about nothing to no one, 

Alana: Hey, I think we talked about something, but it is to no one for sure.

Wildflowers Don’t Care Where They Grow

Summary

In this next episode of the Gratitude series, Francis and Alana interview their friend and sometimes third cohost, Katharine. They examine her ability to rock braces, learn more about the Olsen twins’ extensive filmography and its influence on Katharine’s life, and breakdown her very strong text game.

YouTube: https://youtu.be/DQ900ZjV-Ig — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/hqaf-radio/message

Transcription

Wildflowers Don’t Care Where They Grow

Francis: What was your hot take on the fanfic?

Katharine: Okay. So it’s the same thing as the previous one, which is  this is why children should not watch violent TV shows. They’re all so violent!  I also agree with Francis of like twelve year-old Alana was kind of fucked up. 

Alana: Damn. And I love how I was like, wow. I didn’t see that at all. 

Katharine: Just because I think when I was 12 , maybe I did think about  fighting, but  it wouldn’t be something that I like daydreamed about, you know?

Francis: I was really digging deep.  Did I know like torture?  Did I understand the concept of being tortured for  end? 

Katharine:  I just wanted to add that I’m so glad that baby Alana didn’t use the word “gawrsh” again, because it hurt my heart and mind and soul every time she read it . It was just like so cheesy even for a little kid, it’s cheesy.

Alana: Okay ow first, but then second LOL. I totally get it. Yeah. 

Francis: Was there even an instance of gosh in Sonic? 

Katharine: No,  it really did amp up to another level.   

 I do have to say that it is an important like elevation of this was that Sonic’s powers were not duplicated like in the movie, but it’s actually like a very astute take on it that he lost his powers.  There’s way more at stake with that. So good job pre-teen Alana! It really heightened the tension of the story. 

Alana: I still wonder what ending I had in mind for that because it did diverge the movie, I seem to be clearly stealing from, to that plot point, which is that he’s not just meeting someone who’s his match, but actually loses his powers as a result.

Katharine:  I think the thing that was most revealing is that you said, hold on, let me check and see if I hid more of the story in the back because I wasn’t ready to  put it down yet. And I was like, Whoa,  Alana has not changed. Like it started so young.

Alana: Oh, that’s so funny.  Yeah, I do the exact same thing.

Katharine: It’s just such a perfectionist-y type thing to be like, Whoa, I can’t put it down yet and then cross it out. Let me hide it. Several pages back. So that I can  pretend like it doesn’t exist and then put it in when I’m ready, which it’s not good or bad. It’s just very revealing.

Alana:  It’s really interesting. You think that when you’re 12 years old not that you were a completely different person but you do imagine that you are very different because you are a child but it turns out you’re very similar  at least that has been the experience I’ve had through rereading these stories 

Katharine: I found a first grade report card and it said , Katie is so much quieter and doesn’t talk so much in class now that she found reading. And I was like, yup. Thirty years later, it’s the same damn thing.

Alana: And that’s a perfect segue into our next episode.

Francis:  Alana, do you want to kick things off then? 

Alana: Absolutely. I would love to. 

Welcome back everybody to another episode of the Gratitude Series, which I have yet to be part of because Francis went and stole show with that great Chris episode. But today we’re bringing in a very, very special guest, almost like a unofficial cohost at this point.

 It’s Katharine. Hey, Katharine

Francis: Katharine 

Katharine: Hi I like that I can be like at the end of the credits it’s like and special guest which means I get  more money

Alana:     We’ll hook you up with that Anchor money if we ever make enough to cashing out.   I wanted to take a moment first to talk about something that  blows my mind and also doesn’t blow my mind and that is that Katharine recently got braces. Now I Katharine . First told me that she was getting braces I was upset for her because she’s my friend and she was upset and it’s not necessarily the most uplifting news, right? And then she sent me a picture  of herself and her braces and I was just flabbergasted because she is the cutest person I have ever seen in braces And it mind And I didn’t just  text her back saying you were the cutest person In the world I’ve ever seen with braces because I love her even though I truly meant it when I said that.  I was racking my brain trying to think like how is that possible.

  Oh, what is it about Katharine that just rocks the braces? And I think the reason is  because Katharine just really owns anything that she’s in , like she just commits to it and she kills it and it’s just truly  her mentality that she brings to any situation that instantly makes it better.

And I think that’s a great way to kick off this gratitude episode because I think it’s definitely a Mark of who she is as a person .  She just goes in when she sets her mind to something, she owns it and she can just make it look fabulous and wonderful.   I just love that about her.

And I think it’s just incredible. I wish I had that enthusiasm and passion when I was twelve because then I wouldn’t have looked as horrible as I did

Katharine: I thought you were going to say it’s because I already have a big smile and now it’s like two times as big. Yeah. The more to love, right?

Alana: Now girl, I have a big smile too, and I did not look that girl.

Francis:  For myself and for the audience, cause I don’t know that I’ve seen this picture and I would be interested in seeing like a side-by-side and maybe audience you’ll see this in the Instagram, but what does that look like? You’re speaking so highly of it Alana  .

Katharine: One, it’s a very flattering angle with very good lighting. So that helps.  We didn’t know those things when we were pre-teens. That’s one of the benefits of having braces when you’re older.

Francis: I was reading something though earlier about how gen Z kind of does their selfies in a different way now. Was it actually something that you or Alana sent? 

Katharine: Oh yeah. They don’t look at the camera. They look at the screen, which I did, and it’s probably why it really connected.

Alana: See, it’s just so great. Katharine is just not only her energy about whatever situation or whatever she’s committed to or what she’s passionate about, but it’s also just being a very well-informed individual. And that also just very much adds a positive energy to any situation, which is incredible.

It’s always good to be a well-informed individual in any big life situation you’re going into. I only recently found out that you can do those things before life decisions.

Francis:  I think Katharine was the one that introduced Alana to Google. 

Katharine: I really was. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I would talk to her about something at work and I’d be like, you know, there has to be an easier way to do this. I’m sure if you just Google it. And Alana was like, what?

I went in to say goodbye one evening and you were just diligently copying and pasting from something to an email . And I was like, okay, goodnight. And you’re like, ah, I think I’m going to be here until midnight.

Like, bye.  Have a good night. And I was like, wait, what are you doing? And you were like, I have to get all of these emails from these forms to the email address section. And I was like, Oh, well, you can just export all of the forms to an Excel sheet, copy them, paste it as like comma separated value.

And then boom, like then they’re all in there. And Alana,  I think she was equal parts in heaven and also about to crumble apart because of the hours she’d already put into that.

Alana: Flabbergasted, I’m sure. My jaw drops completely. It was like magic. And then Katharine being the absolute sweet heart that she is offered to help me figure out what those words meant . And yeah, stayed with me late to show me 

Katharine: I think it took all of four minutes to do

Alana: I know and what’s really nice folks is that I think another person would have sent a YouTube video of Excel works I’m going home but she was so kind and so sweet and saw how ill-informed I was. 

 Katharine: Like Alana’s hair was like everywhere.   You could tell that she had been through it.  You could tell she was stressing about staying up late.  She was probably hungry.  She was in a bad place. You cannot leave a soldier like that. You cannot just go home when you see somebody in that state. If you do you are a bad person unless you have to pick up your kid  . Yeah but the other secret is Alana is that nobody really knows how to use Excel and you just have to Google everything like everyone Googles everything when they use Excel

Francis:  Google is like everybody’s best friend. You just ask a question to Google and somebody out there has answered the question and you just need to go and  look for it. 

 Alana:  Google’s really just about making connections either via people or by your ideas. 

Katharine: Do you work for Alphabet? Like what’s happening?

Francis: Surprise! That’s our new sponsorship.

  Our first set of questions, we want to really  delve into your childhood.   My first question to you:  what were your parents like?

 Katharine: Let’s see… my parents are very interesting because they are very different from each other.   My dad has always been very conservative and my mom was fairly liberal growing up.  I think it really just lent itself to a real balance in our family. Another thing I’m really grateful for is that they are pretty blue collar and came from like a blue collar background. And so I like being very close to that and I think it keeps me engaged with a reality of the United States that a lot of people in my social circles are not that close to. So yeah they’re really super funny. My dad’s side of the family especially are like very mischievous. They’re like pranksters And so is my mom’s side of the family So  I’m very mischievous

You’re always trying to be the person that makes everyone laugh except for it’s horrible when there’s like all of us together and they’re all trying to do it So 

Francis: So it’s just like a cacophony of jokes and pranks 

 Katharine:  Everyone’s trying to one up each other cause we’re all so competitive too.  Yeah And then I have one sister who’s four years younger And  I always say that I just didn’t really get to know her because we were never close enough in age to  do stuff together 

The only time we’re in the same school was elementary school And then It felt like she was much younger than me then and then when she graduated college, she moved up to DC and we became very close.  We’re less so now but  we’re still very important to each other

 Francis: It’s interesting at that age because it does feel like four years is a long time.   If you’re four years apart middle school is like different from elementary school. Probably  when you were a senior,  she would have been a freshman 

Katharine: No no I was a freshman in college when she was a freshman in high school

Francis: Yeah so it’s like circle of people and you’re just not around  the same life experiences and you get much closer as you’re older like I’ve definitely seen that with my own siblings as well 

Katharine: Oh yeah Cause your siblings  You guys all went to different colleges right And like even in different States or something I feel like

Francis: Yeah so we’re all about three or two years apart from each other. So Danica and I are about three years apart. Danica and Alex are about two years apart. Actually growing up I was never super close to Alex. We did share like a lot of common interests like video games but there was always that rift of being five years apart she felt like she was super young to me  Like she could never

I was living. Um it we sort of got closer in age she got married, I got married that we became a lot closer because we have a lot of shared experiences now  we were able to appreciate the same sort of experiences now because of it.  

Do you have any  favorite memories of your childhood?

Katharine: Loved going to my grandparent’s pool and swimming. I’m like one of 36 cousins, first cousins.  Both my parents come from really big families.  When we went over to my grandparent’s house, usually a bunch of my cousins were there. My aunt and uncles were so funny. It was just really fun And my parents are very very strict So it was  one of the few times they  let their guard down a little bit.  I also loved when so my mom is from the Seattle area and we would go visit them And every summer we would go to Seattle and I loved it. It still is totally my happy place And we would go visit all these old relatives who had big beautiful gardens which I still love gardens to this day And  her side of the family is so funny and charming too but yeah plus not being in school you get to have it have fun And then there was like more cousins there that I could pal around with which was fun

Francis: How were your parents strict Like in what way?

Katharine: My dad became like an evangelical Christian probably when I was in like first grade or so And my mom had always been religious and I think when you become a late-in-life Christian you tend to maybe overdo it a bit. There’s a pretty strict like religious upbringing but also I think they’re both kind of anxious people And so they were just really worried about something happening to us Um there’s a very like particular how do I say this There’s growing up in Southern California in the nineties There were a lot of very high profile kids getting kidnapped cases And I think that really Burns itself into the psyche So my parents were like always worried that we were going to get snatched

Francis:  I actually have the same sort of experience growing up too with my parents.  It’s interesting that you   equate it to their anxiety cause   they always thought that I would be kidnapped.  They will always  had this fear that if I wandered off to the park like on the other side of the street somebody would kidnap me and that would be that And  they wouldn’t know what to do.  I don’t know what it is but  that’s always colored my childhood  Like they have always had to be able 

Katharine: yeah I remember very clearly, I was 14 years old and we were on a family trip  which Side note I hate family trips And I think this was probably the last one that I went on and the rest I just was on my way out of it or something  and we needed some ice and plus I was like I’m 14 years old I just wanted to like have a little space or something And the ice machine was just down the hallway and my parents We’re like you can’t do that you can’t go And I was like please can I just walk down the hallway And they’re like no you can’t And I was like okay what if you watch me walk to the ice machine And they were like okay So I like slowly walked to the ice machine slowly came back.  I was like a fully developed woman which is probably why they were  worried about it

Francis: I’m picturing them like standing in the hallway literally  watching you walk down very slowly

Katharine: I think they put a shoe in the door and just kept an eye on me honestly.   I was  the first generation to probably change socioeconomic status  And I think  they really put a lot of that kind of hopes and dreams into me and my sister and my cousins I think the same thing like we were all the first ones to go to college and so they were like  we’re putting a lot of resources in so don’t mess it up 

Francis: Do you feel like that has changed in these later years as you’re an adult now? 

Katharine:  In my teens I just couldn’t handle their anxieties anymore And so  I distanced myself,  not from them but from their kind of like anxious thinking And I think I still I’m repulsed by that to this day. If we’re all together and they go into this  anxiety loop, I’ll just walk away Like I’m just out of it.  I can’t bear that burden anymore.  I think that one of the greatest gifts in becoming an adult is realizing that your parents are people and they’re just trying to do  their best and just like you’re trying to do your best.  Just accepting my parents as people  really helped give me  a different perspective and also again not traveling with them cause it’s horrible

Francis: Yeah  I  relate to your story because for me  there was a shift in the way that I thought about my parents And I think it was  college when I had was: like They don’t know everything They have the same sort of insecurities that I do.  They have the same sort of flaws that I do  and so I had to  divorce myself from  that sort of thinking that I had grown up with  And I actually still have the same sort of issues with traveling with them because  these insecurities for some reason come out when you’re traveling somewhere new. 

Katharine: Yes I always say  you’re  16 again   if you don’t live near your parents and you go home you’re 16 Again. If you are traveling with them, you’re 16 Again.   I don’t know what it is I don’t know what kind of voodoo magic it is but that’s how it is  and I personally never wanted to be 16 again so I’m always trying to distance myself away

Francis: Oh my God Me neither 

Katharine:  Like that even how they treat me but  I think like information comes into my head and it turns around and it comes out like I’m 16 like the things I say and do and act and whatever Like I am also a 16 again I don’t know what it is

Francis: I think when you’re around your parents for a prolonged amount of time just the dynamic shifts. 

Katharine: I also lived in a small town and  I remember one time I told my parents I was going to Books-A-Million and for some reason Books-A-Million like I think the Oh gosh what was it called Like the coffee Joe’s place or whatever in there it wasn’t working like it was closed So we went across the street to Sonic and somebody from  my church   saw my car at Sonic was driving past my house later And I wasn’t home yet and told my parents like Oh so Katie was at Sonic I come home my parents were like well you have a lot of explaining to David And I was like I this is why I never  tried to lie or push any buttons Like I was not rebellious cause I just knew I could not get away with it I was  a very goody two-shoes kid

Francis: Why was Sonic so egregious? 

Katharine: Because I told them I was going to Books-A-Million and then I did not update them that I was going across street to Sonic and if I was going to do that where else was I going to go No I did not have a cell phone until I was a freshmen in college dude. This is the other difference between my sister and I because um I don’t want to be all kids nowadays but  my parents  could not afford a cell phone for me. The only reason why I got one when I was a freshman was because they did not hear from me for like two months they could not get ahold of me because they would call and leave me voicemails on the answering machine in my dorm room because yes I am ancient.

Francis: Who checks that?

Katharine:  I would check it and then I would try and call them  some other time But  I was always doing stuff like I wasn’t in my room so they couldn’t get ahold of me So finally they were like we’re getting you a cell phone  but my sister got a cell phone and she was like 14 or something. She got a car.  She got to be on my parent’s health insurance till she was 26 Like you know 

Alana: Younger siblings, am I right? Fuck them!

Katharine:  I was just mad cause when I first moved to DC I was so broke  I got into a small amount of debt cause I like was not making enough money to live like

Francis: Oh my gosh. Yeah, my parents gave my sisters free access to their credit card 

Katharine: Oh right No to this day I am not allowed to go into my mother’s purse Like certainly she would not give me her credit card

 Francis: What did you think your life was going to be like when you were older?

Katharine: It’s interesting because when I was younger all I cared about was getting away.  I just really wanted to know what freedom was like And I remember in high school if you would ask me  what my wildest dream would be, it was like I just want to drive West into the sunset And I just want to drive until the sunsets.  I just really wanted something bigger than the town I was in, I wanted to meet more people, I wanted to be in a place with more resources, I wanted freedom.  I wanted to do something international Like I’d always been interested in international relations and stuff.  I really wanted to like work in the state department and be a diplomat or something . The movie passport to Paris  with the Olsen twins really did a lot for me.  Also the movie Winning London also by the Olsen twins. I’m sure the audience knows what I’m talking about. Alana do You know what I’m talking about? 

Alana: No idea

Katharine: Oh my God

Francis: the Olsen twins from Full house and I know they had movies but I’ve never  seen any of the movies after  Full House

Alana: I hold the same belief as Francis uh knew them from full house and knew they movies Never saw any 

Katharine: they are so much more.  First of all there was like a mystery series that  when I was very young I was very into and they had the song brother for sale which, Alana, I feel like if you listen to now  you would still like it.  But then they became preteens/teens And they had a series of movies and each one was filmed in like a foreign location- there was like one filmed in The Bahamas one filmed in Italy.  They’re just like total fantasy. So Passport to Paris they have to go visit their grandfather Who’s the ambassador  to France  And then they meet these two French guys on  a bridge that were riding scooters and they just stop and they’re like Oh mon cheri are you he wants to beat the full is it flour And then they just have these hi-jinks all around Paris and   innocently pseudo kind of fall in love And I think they like uncover some sort of scheme or whatever and then they expose it . And then Winning London this one’s really good They um they’re in an a model UN competition and  their school is like in the finalists of the model UN so they go to London and then one of them meets this guy from a rival school Who’s played by Jesse Spindler who to this day is on my hall pass list  And they are competing against each other like in debating like model UN stuff And then there’s of course a montage where they just are  running around London and then ends up Jesse Spencer is the son of a Lord and  they fall in love 

Thousand percent have tried to find these movies recently . Because it’s like they are so fundamental to this  fantasy world that I wanted to live in

Alana: They sound honestly like subplots to your actual life, Katharine.   Like replace Olsen twins with you and I feel like that’s  a life you would’ve lived.

Katharine: That’s the best compliment anyone has ever given me ever Someday when you actually do have a slumber party with me Alana which I’m not gonna hold my breath on that ever happening but  we will watch these movies because they were like the fundamental slumber movies.

Francis: It sounds like your idea of freedom when you were younger  involved travel to a foreign land and then also hijinx with the cute boy.

Katharine: Yeah! I mean didn’t talk to a boy until I was like 18 years old but yeah, that was definitely part of the fantasy of  just some guy being like Oh she is so cute! I must talk to her. And then he ends up having  a really nice personality and is a nice person Not like the other people who hollered at me or around the world that were just disgusting

Francis: Hence the fantasy part

Katharine: Yeah it was always like  I reveal like  the cute guy was like the son of a lord like okay I could be a princess

Francis: I think that’s  the fantasy of like everybody there was like I a rich royalty I guess uh I haven’t read this yet but it’s like part of my guilty library checkouts right now but it’s a story about  the First Son and he meets the Prince of England and they fall in love and they have like relationship 

Katharine:  A gay story?

Francis: I know. Well I love myself some gay dramas but  it’s also like a preteen novel So it’s like definitely hitting me at like a of my age where that would have been

Katharine: is it the gentleman’s guide to vice and virtue

Francis: No it’s called um Red Blue and Royal or something like that

Katharine: Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah Okay

Francis: Are you familiar?

Katharine:  Yeah it was like it was the hot summer read

Francis: Oh my God  so I started checking out  eBooks from the Alexandria and DC library And most of my reading list has just been like preteen gay novels or like other gay novels as well But like favorite ones Yeah

Katharine: Oh I am fully in the part of pandemic where it’s like I’m not trying to have any sort of ambition other than Reading  comforting things or  like easy to read things that just bring me joy Like I’m not trying to prove anything anymore I just like need some some chicken soup for the soul you know. Whatever brings you joy. Joy is fleeting. We know this now do what you can to find it.

Alana: Your reading interests are right up the alley of a fan fiction account I’ve heard of I think guardian Uh if you’re looking for a light read 

Katharine: Do all of those stories have endings though?

Alana: Oh most of them do. There’s 85 on there They’re brothers though. Yeah it’s from 10 plus Oh I’m not going to bed but 2004 2003 till now. All of the fanfictions ever 

Francis: like six 16 years ago right?  

Katharine: 85 is so many 

Alana: Some of that stuff I don’t have saved on my computer anymore because I literally saved them on floppy disk  so I’m like shit I better keep them up on my profile.  I guess I could copy paste them into a word doc and save it myself and save myself the embarrassment. But it goes too much 

Katharine: You like having them up there.

Alana: I do. I like being that lady that has 85 stories about exactly two characters part my 

Katharine: What you’re saying is they are your Olsen twins

Alana: Yes Oh my God They’re not twins but like you get 

Yeah we love them. I do. I don’t think you guys could care either way but I love them

Katharine: I don’t know who they are but okay 

Francis: That’s that’s all we need to know. 

 Maybe something I don’t know about  you, Katharine quite yet.   You are one of our biggest Stans.  So  I’m interested to hear how you got introduced into the podcast

Katharine: I think it was    after the work trip when Alana and I had become friends And  She mentioned that another coworker of ours  had listened to her podcast and I was like records scratch like stop What And at that point Francis I had only known you from her work bridal shower And  everyone was like Oh Alana like we’re going to surprise Alana with Francis. She’s going to die Like she loves Francis. She loves Harley but she loves. And this was I think like my first week of work there and I was like what is happening And then sure enough like Francis walked into the room and Alana lit up like a lightning bug Um

So she was like I had this podcast with Francis and I was like well I’m not shocked at all  and I was like well what’s it about And so she told me and then she did try and be like shady about it like how she doesn’t really want people to know about her podcast 

Then she was like  will you listen? Will you subscribe and review it? And I was like Oh maybe

Francis: I could see, being like the Alana way that she is,  super unsubtle, she’ll be like Oh I don’t want to talk about but then  in the  same also subscribe to her write us review and listen to all of our episodes

Katharine: Oh there was point where Alana was like well  don’t forget to turn on your post notifications for hqaf.productions And I was like Oh I don’t turn post notifications on for anyone. She was like  it would really mean a lot to her so I did it

Alana: Oh my God

Francis: Do you have them on to this day?

Katharine: Yeah And her personal account as Sure It’s  literally the easiest thing I could do to make her happy 

Alana: Oh my god. Yeah Actually though look at me I’m Oh I’m in a puddle of like

and more 

Katharine: It is not difficult to do so Yeah So I did that And then I thought it was so funny and so unusual and they were short too. They were like 20 minutes or something So I could  listen to them while I was getting ready in the morning or whatever And it really did feel like I was  hanging out with you guys 

Francis: Cause like we don’t have short episodes 

Katharine: No, now that you have a fan you’re  like we have to cater to our audience member

but yeah I just really liked how you guys were always  experimenting,  you could just tell that you enjoyed this like creative exploration of your friendship And that was really enjoyable to listen to And then I remember the first time I was meeting you Francis Alaina was like are you nervous Like uh I was like no I was like I feel like I really know him and I have to remember he does not know a 

Francis: Well you know I knew about you Catherine but like I had to be a little bit more I won’t say guarded but like she just has a history of like whenever she really likes something she really likes something And so

whenever she 

feels or her emotions about something or so much she really feels them And so it’s you have to take that and just be like okay Katherine’s a really cool person but is she what Alana is saying Like I don’t want to like come in with a completely different set of expectations and just  be completely disappointed but  she talked very highly of you beforehand and was super excited that we had a podcast fan and super nervous actually about  the meeting actually I remember she was just like um It’s kind of giddy about it

Alana: It was like a crossover episode of like Literally

Of course another chapter in like my life is an anime manga so yes I was very excited

Katharine: Yeah I was like okay I have to remember to be cool though because again I am a complete stranger  to this man

Francis:  What has been your favorite memory of the podcast? 

 Katharine: Um Yeah I like that you guys are willing to just show the breadth of your love for each other and also that you allow each other to be dirt bags  or Like  when Alana’s like Francis do you have a story to tell it You can just tell that she like loves to hear this story for  the 50th time Um like the or maybe no actually no not the 50th time for the first time because you guys like hold off telling each other things until the podcast And that’s why we don’t know what happened in Spain!

Alana: God literally  some things happening  this week that I was like Francis do you want me to tell you what’s happening or do you want to hear the whole story on the podcast  I’m like this is a journey Francis There’s so many twists and turns I can’t wait to tell He’s like no save it I want to hear the whole story

   I made that note because I appreciate   that the excitement goes both ways. I love hearing the story for the first time And then I love like having a friend that also feels the same way like just as excited to hear the story 

Katharine:  That’s one of the wonderful things about having  Alana as your friend is  you can tell her a story and you know that she truly feels something about it Like she’s in it with you you know

Francis: Well and I will say Catherine I appreciate you as like a fan, friend, and a follower of the podcast because it’s

There’s not a lot of people that know the inner workings of the podcast that like isn’t a host like that isn’t actually  building the content You’re just like in it as a fan and as somebody that’s like um I dunno like I really do find the podcast is like really great creative outlet.  Like I was just telling Alana earlier, I know editing seems like a lot of work  but it’s something that I enjoy Like it’s a great way for me to express myself and for somebody to really appreciate the efforts that we put into it as a listener as like somebody that just loves listening to it, it brings a certain sense of like satisfied Um even if it’s just even if it’s just you listening to it in like showering us with that that kind of praise like it’s really great to hear it just cause  Alana and I do put a lot of effort into it So

Katharine: but it’s also so funny that Alana is not worried about seeing I don’t know what’s I don’t know if it’s like foolish or something  like when Harley said that Alana’s funniest things that she does are things that she does not do on purpose It’s totally true And it’s so funny.  She just has no ego about it  and that’s  really refreshing because I feel like people are really in their heads around here

Alana: yeah no like embarrassment is not something that I feel a lot but when I do

most menial dumb

about but  it’s like the once every  10 years I’m like wow that was embarrassing Yeah Um I also like my retroactive embarrassment like I don’t that’s embarrassing till a week later And then I’m like Oh man

Katharine: you totally do have retroactive embarrassment

Alana: So silly 

And then at 

Katharine: The other thing I really like is that you let me live text you my thoughts or like things that I find funny And so that’s what really keeps me in it It’s because you don’t have that direct  connection to the host where I can just tell you guys all of my thoughts and feelings while listening to the episode and  that’s 

Alana: Not only is it great to have a fan but it’s also great to what you were just saying Katharine to have someone to provide us with feedback.  I am someone who craves feedback.  I love improving my art even if  my art and my brand is being shitty but  honestly we’ve been on top of it mostly because of Francis not because of me. I’m learning new things every day about marketing like I’m that’s and funny but I appreciate and I know Francis appreciates who not only that you’re a fan but also that you’re willing and you take the time to give us feedback because I think  us as creators appreciate that.   We’re always looking for new episode ideas and new ways to make it interesting  And so we

that and keeping us going with that

Katharine: oh thank you I cannot wait for the merch 

Alana: so I’m grateful for Katharine for so many reasons And Katharine a lot of these reasons that you probably heard before because I express my gratitude and feelings for you all the time. Um you know this and I think you appreciate it.  But um I I do have my paragraph long bullets  to share. 

So one thing that I’m grateful for Catherine is that she’s shown me a whole new world I mean between the Google and the shoes and like literally everything I mean I that’s just something I deeply appreciate about her that she’s always steering me in the right direction And her constructive criticism always comes from a loving place And one that truly wants to see me flourish and not see me wear tennis shoes for the rest of my life And like I appreciate that because I’m 30 now and that’s embarrassing  especially coming from a place where  I had friends that  didn’t always have like the best interest for me and it was just always very apparent and that kind of leads into my next bullet point about Catherine that I really appreciate is that she’s a super great friend I mean she’s just Always very considerate and wants the best for her friends And when you’re friends with her you just feel it and you know it and she can read a room very well One of my favorite Katharine Corcoran quotes is that she knows how to read a room and does it very I know I’m not doing that quote justice What is it? Or is it just read a room? 

Katharine: I tell everyone read the room

Alana: Read the room. Yes And she excellent at it  and she just knows how to make a situation better.  There’s so much to learn from her every day I feel like I learned something new from her And one thing that at the time seemed very small and menial and now I’m realizing wow this is so monumental How did I live my life like this for so many years Which is that uh bringing Funyuns to a dinner party is selfish and is bad friend behavior And I don’t want to display that kind of behavior anymore

Katharine: I like to point out 

know it was not a full-sized bag of Funyuns It was like from the snack box at our work  

Francis: Can we elaborate on this? So and 

Katharine: A lot It was like let’s have a double date And she was like

what can I bring? And  I usually tell people to bring it as dessert Cause I’m not a Baker.  I said do not bring a bag of Funyuns. That is a not good thing to do Like you are almost 30 years old. I don’t even like Funyuns like I’m preparing a whole meal put a little effort into it And then she did bring one fun size bag of Funyuns 

Francis: had you been bringing Funyuns to dinner parties before Alana?

Alana: Yes Every like potluck and Oh God I’m 

Katharine: This ties into a bigger pet peeve that I have because I used to plan the holiday party at my old work And it was kind of potluck And some people would bring in like handmade things like handmade meatballs And there was always a four or five dickheads that would sign up for just chips And I’m like why don’t you just do the bare fucking minimum Like you come in you make five plates of food everyone else’s delicious stuff  and then you bring a bag of chips.  

Alana: because chips are a lesser  kind of chip to Funyuns 

Katharine: So so this is what I was like I Allana  just know that I have to teach you this because some people live their whole lives not learning this and people hate them for it So I have to tell you

Francis: Yeah I do feel like there’s a level of etiquette And so like at a work party Yeah  I totally agree.  If people are making food you’re going to have to  up your game chips dip in you know what I like bring At a dinner party If I’m making you dinner, do not come to me with store-bought tortilla chips. Like up the ante: bring a bottle of wine, bring something that is a little bit more elevated.   You have to match what other people are doing for you 

so yeah 

Katharine: of did find out about cheese though I was like cause I told her I was like my go-to is  wine and cheese and crackers.   If people say Oh just bring whatever Like I’ll always bring a nice cheese like a nice cheese not like a block of cheddar or  not like a shredded bag of cheese but like a nice cheese, crackers, and wine that matches it And it’s just as easy to do as going and getting a jar of salsa and tortilla chips And now a lot it always brings me the most delicious cheeses Every time she comes over It’s wonderful This really worked out for me

Alana: Literally didn’t know about wine and cheese until I think actually that exact  dinner party

Katharine: No It was a we had a girls night we had a girls night and I was like Oh we’re just going to have like cheese and crackers and wine Like I’m not making anybody anything And you were like this is so good And I was like yeah dude don’t use just sometimes have cheese and crackers for dinner Like it’s the best And Alana’s mine

Francis: I remember this marked change in Alana cause that a while just like her thing  cheese and crackers cheese in particular. Um I forget when but  you shifted Alana where you just like about it and that was that was your jam I think 

your jam but 

Alana: Absolutely Yeah It’s definitely ties back to my personality where I’m all in When I discover something I like that’s it baby That is part of who I am as a person at a fundamental level It’s insane  And actually that leads me into my next point which is that One of my favorite things about Katherine is that she’s also very passionate and I

that about Your 

Katharine: Passionate intense 

Alana: Yes but it’s infectious.  I love being passionate about things and you do too And then  you just care so deeply about many things and the people around you  when we witness that passion it makes us all want to be passionate about those things.   It just Makes me really excited me to as a friend and as  a side character to your main character or plot line  because I just think you’re very passionate about wonderful things and I can’t wait to see where your passion takes you 

 Katharine:  No I really feel like I’m constantly fighting.  I just don’t believe in doing things because you’ve just always done them or  not done them.  I think it’s not too late to start something.  If there’s a better way to do something than do it if it’s better for you.  One of our coworkers that I had the best Fashion sense at our work And  I really appreciate that But I think it’s because I only wear things that I’m comfortable in Like if I went on a shirt and I’m not comfortable it immediately goes into  the donation file.  I just have no bandwidth for  things that do not bring me joy  

Francis: I think that’s a good philosophy in life in general. 

Katharine: And not to say  just get rid of anything that you don’t like like that’s not it 

Alana: Yeah I love that And then my last point is  actually short but I think it goes without saying that  the other thing that Very appreciative and grateful for is the fact that you are so so funny Oh my God Your text game is on point And I tell you this all the time

texting back the laughing emojis that the

say old people use now but I don’t care because I love laughing And so I like

people that make me laugh And I think I have a really great crew here.  Comedy central Ain’t got nothing on my friend group and I’m just so happy about that

Katharine:  I always tell Alana that the reason why I’m so good at the chat game is cause I’m the AOL instant messenger  generation. I did not talk to a boy in real life but I definitely chatted them up. People I knew, not strangers.  

Francis: I remember instant messenger and  the status messages that you put up

you had to have  the perfectly crafted one  or the right song lyrics Oh my God  did you

Penn 15 and they have choosing your own  screen name

Katharine: I love pen 15 I like that Cause that’s like the exact same age that I am And  having to like go to your computer in the living room and dial up and stuff Yeah But I love it Although they’re like way more I don’t know Interesting than I ever was  Cause like I just  went to church and went to school and 

Alana: Except I also had AOL and I’m not as funny as either of you. So what happened there? Um, guys, like I remember the away messages. I remember all of this. I’m not a comedic genius over here, so like, what’s wrong? What did I miss? Oh, was it Google? Was it on Google?

Katharine: no no You probably only liked three songs at that time. So of course you, weren’t thinking about putting like the right song lyrics in there or anything.

  I have an away message I’m a dirt bag story I can tell you real which is because I was like such a late bloomer and had basically no social skills, When I went to college I met my first boyfriend in a Christian group as I had prayed over for so long And  I come to find out I actually didn’t really like him.  I just liked the idea of him and  I  slightly invented ghosting where I just talk to him less and less frequently And then I put up a Carol King away message of it’s too late And  he sent me a chat that was like do we need to talk about something?

And I was like yes we’re done And then I Just 

Alana: a queen

Katharine: I like to the say thing about writing him to be like I’m sorry I was a young idiot.  You didn’t deserve that And I was a coward and I didn’t know how to help people They worked so I’m sorry

Francis: Oh my gosh. Those were the days though   I know  

  Thank you again Katharine for being on the show and not just this particular episode but for being a supporter of the show  sometimes a third co-host like alumni Super super super appreciate having  you in our lives  

Katharine: Oh thank you I thank you for sharing this with me I always appreciate it that you guys let me into your bubble a little bit

Francis: I was waiting for it 

Katharine: She was drinking. She was gulping 

Alana: Yeah Sorry

The Newly Wed Game

Summary

In this week’s episode, Katharine hosts the Newly Wed Game with not-so-newly-married couples: Alana & Harley and Francis & Chris. Tune in to hear these two couples test their knowledge of each other.  — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/hqaf-radio/message

Transcription

S5E7 – Newly Wed Game

Francis:  I’ll be right back. 

Alana: Yeah. Go get your beverage. And then, um, so then Katharine, you’ll kick us off. Like when he comes back, we’ll let you get started. Um, okay. Sweet. So very excited. Very ready. Thank you, Harley again. My love, I can’t believe, uh, Harley answered the questions before, uh, you, Chris and Francis.

What the heck? 

Chris: Oh my God. Francis just fell up the stairs. 

Katharine: Yeah.

Alana: Francis you okay, bud? We heard that, like the whole thing. 

Francis: I, uh, I might have tripped up the stairs as I was making my way up here, so, 

Chris: and maybe spilled some beer, 

Francis: cleaning it up a little. 

Chris: He was so excited. 

Katharine: We just started like a splat. 

Alana: We thought you wiped 

Francis: him. Might’ve also done like a very ungraceful.

Yeah, that’s 

Chris: what I heard. I heard it through your computer. It’s 

Katharine: recorded. It’s recorded.

Welcome to the first ever HQAF newlywed game.

I’m your host, Katharine Corcoran. And there’s a saying how long is a minute? Depends on which side of the bathroom door you around. Woo let’s screen on our couples. So Harley and Alana introduce yourselves. 

Alana: I was not prepared to go first. 

Katharine: That’s what she said. 

Alana: Harley, you want to kick us off? 

Harley: I’m married Ilana.

So that’s, that’s your side of the equation. I’m on. 

Katharine: That is your qualification for this good job. 

Alana: And I’m Allana Harley and I have been married for three years. And so technically we’re not newlyweds, but neither is anyone on this. We’re very late to this game, but I’m just super excited to be here. And I have a really big suspicion I’m going to fail this game.

Um, cause I don’t know why I just have this feeling, but, um, yeah, I’m just super excited to be here. And I’m Alana. 

Katharine: So how did you guys meet. 

Alana: Is that, Oh, I D

Katharine: you are not being scored on, this is, this is not a scored. 

Alana: Okay. 

Francis: But hopefully you study for it. Yeah. 

Alana: Okay. Uh, how we met, we met in high school. We met freshmen year. Um, actually within the first two weeks of high school, we met in a stairwell and Harley was playing Nintendo Diaz. He was playing in 10 dogs.

It was the new release at summer. And I just wandered over to him and I was a much more social being back then. You would never catch me dead speaking to a stranger, walking up to them. But back then I was a little more adventurous. So I walk up to him and I say, wow, what’s that game? And Harley proceeds to tell me what Nintendo is and how it’s taken care of a dog.

And you do all these things with it. And then I say, well, can you kill the dog? And he said, no, that’s psychotic. So it’s simple. Then it’s not really a real game. I’m not, not a real portrayal of having a dog. And, um, then we became friends. Yeah. We were friends for three years, Harley pined after me. And I was interested in really strange men.

I mean, 

Katharine: wait, hold on. Let’s, let’s hear Harleys. So Harley you pined after her. 

Harley: I actually knew a lot of before that. I remember a lot of first day of school because we had a class together and then she switched classes to be in a class with a different boy. 

Alana: That’s true. We were in first period biology together, and I always forget this because he remembers it and I don’t, but, and we even sat at the same table with me, you and Yanni.

And we worked on like a group project that day. And then I went off to my next period and fell in love with another boy and switch my schedule around so I could be more classes with him.

Katharine: Wow. What a wild ride. Let’s go to the other couple. Frances and Chris introduce yourselves. 

Chris: Well, it was not love at first sight, but it was a first sight. So we met on okay. Cupid. I believe Francis message me first. And as I recall, it was one of OkCupid’s like Tinder, like features where you could swipe or for me, it was at least, and I basically essentially swipe right on Francis, which showed that both of us.

Swiped or both of us liked 

Francis: each other? No. Chris, it was, um, you had a tagline about like, um, always feeling awkward, like you were, uh, your thinking is like, 

Chris: yeah. So that’s why you liked me, but when I first liked you, it was a swipe. 

Francis: Oh, you saw that thing. Oh yeah. 

Chris: And, um, and yeah, and so our OkCupid profiles, uh, matched up and we went on a date shortly thereafter.

Uh, and then we went on a second date and it didn’t, I wasn’t the most energetic or lively ad. So, uh, but when he asked me to be his, um, Valentine and I still have that Valentine. And it 

Francis: became pretty lively after that.

Chris: And, uh, but then over the course of, you know, a number of weeks, we, we grew to end up loving each other and 

Katharine: okay. That’s boring. I know. Blah, what are your pet names for each other? 

Francis: I call it Chris. Ronnie. 

Alana: That’s 

Chris: cute. Yeah. And G explain, how did you get to Ronnie? 

Francis: You guys? What Rice-A-Roni is like the San Francisco tree.

I had like the jingle stuck in my head and I was like talking to Chris after work one day and I just went from Rice-A-Roni to just like Roni. And 

Chris: so he went actually, it was actually Baber Roni because we would call each other, babe. Hey babe. And you started calling me  because you didn’t like the word babe.

And so then you just shortened baby Roni to Roni. And now it’s the San Francisco treat, but it’s not always that way. 

Katharine: All right. What’s what’s Chris’s pet name for Francis? 

Chris: I don’t really have one. Sometimes I’ll say like Frankie, 

Francis: a name. He knows. I hate, I hate the word. I hate the name, Frank. I know, 

Chris: but it’s because, well, you still have friends who call you Frank.

Katharine: Yeah, I thought that that was like your name in a past life. 

Francis: Yeah, not anymore. She’s not my friend no more. We’re done with her. 

Katharine: Okay. So we’re going to go into the first round, but first I want to say very happy birthday to Alona whose birthday was just this week and what a beautiful reason to celebrate.

So the first round is rapid fire. I’ve asked you to bring pieces of paper and pens. About a hundred times. I’ve asked this, the first question, Francis and Alana on your cards. You answer this question for yourself, Harley and Chris, answer this question with what you think Francis and Ilana are going to answer.

And it is a multiple choice question. So you’ll hear a, B and C 

Francis: you mean respectively, right? Like Chris will be thinking about what I’m saying. Yes, 

Katharine: yes. Yes. You, you do not cross partners. It’s not that kind of party. Okay. 

Alana: Even though I would totally 

Music: win,

Alana: like what the answer would be for Francis. We know each other. Well, 

Katharine: that wasn’t the kind of party I was talking about. Oh, I 

Alana: guess a joke.

Music: okay. 

Katharine: So Francis at Alana, which of these phrases do you say most often to your spouse? Hey, how do I get there? B how do you want it or see what’s that smell 

Alana: and just to confirm, so I’m an terrain. What I would say to Hartley. 

Katharine: Yes. What do you say most often to Harley Harley is guessing what you think you say most often to them.

Alana: All right. I know I have my answer. 

Katharine: Okay. Are you ready? Yeah. So Francis, show us your answer and read it to us please. 

Francis: I said, Hey, how do I get there? 

Katharine: Okay, Chris, what did you, what did you write?

Chris: How do I 

Francis: get there? The other one, the other one I would have, uh, if it was, if I know exactly, if I were to be the one to ask it, it would be, what does that smell?

Katharine: Um, I did include that one because that is probably the thing I say the most to my spouse. So, um, all right. Harley and Alana, Alana, what is your response? 

Alana: What’s that smell. And I will show my, 

Katharine: and Harley also said, see why that’s out yet city living, baby. 

Alana: It’s very funny because Harley, I will consistently forget.

I have known this man for over 15 years now, but Harley does not have a great sense of smell. Like it’s very much, he has to have a very, there has to be a very strong, a smell in the room or else he doesn’t smell it. And so I always ask, Oh, do you smell that? What’s that smell? And he’s like, you know, I can’t smell.

Like I don’t have a strong sense and I forget, and it’s been like this, his whole life. So it’s just yeah. Ridiculousness. 

Katharine: Um, okay. So second question is a short answer, but this time we’re going to swap. So Harley and Chris answer this question for yourselves. And then Francis Alana, answer this question for your spouse, what you think they will.

Right. Um, what is the biggest similarity and the biggest difference between your last significant other boyfriend or girlfriend 

Music: and your 

Chris: spouse and how do you define significant other, 

Katharine: um, that’s how you define significant other brother. 

Chris: Okay. 

Harley: That was a long time 

Alana: ago. Yeah. Wait, so hold on.

Harley: Yeah. 

Music: Yeah.

Katharine: This is where we should put an audience. Laughter because it’s quiet.

okay. Look up when you’re ready. So I know

Alana: I’m ready. 

Katharine: Thank you, Alana. 

Chris: This is, this is going to be hard. 

Music: Yeah, for sure. 

Katharine: Um, all right. Harley, Harley, what is your answer? 

Harley: So what I wrote down was the biggest difference is height. And the same as the thing is gender, because it’s been a long time. 

Katharine: Alana, what did 

Alana: you respond? So I put biggest similarity is nice that Ruth nice people and biggest difference is that I’m very loud and she’s very quiet, so, 

Katharine: Oh, interesting.

Harley: And I was going to do one word answers. See, that was the problem with me. 

Katharine: You guys should have read each other’s minds, like you said. Okay, Chris, what is your answer? 

Chris: So I said, the difference is that he’s a man. And the silly similarity. He’s very smart. 

Francis: You went actual significant other, you went Linda. I, um, I said, I said he, he lived in Baltimore.

I think, I think this is the last guy and the similarity is that we were both gay. 

Chris: Okay. My significant other. He was not very significant. Ooh. 

Music: All right. 

Harley: I just want to point out that

Chris: exactly. 

Katharine: I was going to have Francis answer that question because it would have been interesting at least, um, okay. That, that, this was an interesting, this was very funny. Great job, everyone. All right. So we’re in the last question of this round and everyone just answers for themselves this time. What is the least romantic place that you’ve gotten romantic?

With, with your significant other with your spouse. 

Francis: Oh, okay. 

Harley: This is such a good time for 

Alana: burns. Really?

Music: I guess 

Alana: let’s go. 

Chris: Wait. So is it with the, this person? So it’s me with Francis. 

Katharine: Yes. Unless you have a story with Harley or Alana, in which case I love to hear it. 

Chris: Well, you know, there was that one time in Cabo that,

Katharine: Oh, you know what? I forgot to clarify too, that I am the judge of what is the closest to a correct answer. So just remember that flattery gets you everywhere. All right. Great. 

Alana: I’m really interested in Harley’s answer because he has the cutest little smirk on his face. So very jazzed.

Katharine: All right. Looks like everyone’s ready. So what is the least romantic place that you’ve gotten romantic with your spouse? Frances show. Show us your response first. 

Francis: Okay. Um, I had a lot of grammatical and Ms. Misspellings. I said my, my parent’s house. 

Katharine: Yeah. It is hard to understand where to put that column though.

Francis: Yeah, no, I said, yeah, I have two parents. So the combo is at the end. 

Chris: I thought we were vibing trances. I thought you were going to go with the top floor of the apartment building bathroom. 

Francis: No, that was super romantic because it was so exciting. It was mantic it was a bad citing. It was a bad, you know, what’s not romantic.

My old, my childhood bedroom is not roommate. It was a 

Chris: bed.

Katharine: Okay. Okay. Harley, Harley. 

Harley: Uh, I wrote cherries, but roll-on is dance, man. 

Alana: A hundred percent true. The first time we ever made out was on my brother Carrie’s bed because he’s always, it was back when I lived in the house. I didn’t have the garage house. And, um, if you thought that my garage house was like cluttered in a hoarder and crazy, then when I had 264 square feet, imagine the tiniest room in my house.

So we go into, I was like, there’s too much stuff here. There’s not enough room, whatever. So then we go into Carrie’s bed and we make out and I saw him for the first time shirtless and I was like, great. He doesn’t have a third nipple. I looked for that. I don’t know why, but I just had to be sure not that there’s a problem.

You always have to be sure, but yeah, Carrie’s bed and yes, we have made out with my dad’s bed. 

Katharine: All right. A lot of what is your answer? Show us, show 

Alana: us it’s Carrie’s bed. Yeah. So 

Francis: yeah, you guys match. Oh, my God. I 

Music: thought 

Harley: that your CHADS Francis 

Alana: answered my original mine too. Yeah. I only thought Carrie’s bed.

It was a time to be alive apparently and make out 

Katharine: horned up teenagers. 

Alana: Wait, so can I confirm that I am leaning? 

Katharine: Uh, yes. Har har Alona is winning at the end of round one. We have Krantz SIS at one and Harlan, uh, at two points. So the next round are the questions that I asked you all to answer ahead of time and they’re worth five points each.

So get ready. We’ll start with Harley. I asked a lot of this question and I want, I’m going to read the question to you, and then I want you to tell me what you thought she answered. Okay. All right. What is the best present that you’ve ever given Alana 

Harley: running? Probably she loves it. When I give her money.

I gave her a check one time and she was a static. It’s like the happiest I’ve 

Alana: ever seen her. Is that your final answer? 

Katharine: It is. It is the final answer. 

Harley: Okay. No, like half points, if, I guess at the second time, it’s not 

Katharine: all right. A lot of what is, what is your answer? What is your response? 

Alana: So I was conflicted when I wrote this because I knew Harley would probably going to say that, but I thought, well, maybe he, he wouldn’t.

Um, because yeah, that was a one time Harley gave me just like a bunch of cash. It was, it was sad times I was in grad school. I was really broke. It was a whole time. Harley was like, that was the happiest I’ve ever seen you. Well, Harley, I put my engagement ring, which I hope was 

Katharine: happier than that moment, but it may not be, 

Music: I don’t know.

I I’m a 

Alana: girl. Yeah, no, I am cash makes me sing. Yeah. 

Harley: Happy like a child. 

Katharine: Yeah. Who does it holler for a dollar. Yeah. 

Chris: That’s how they ended up in Carrie’s bed.

Katharine: amazing. Amazing. All right. So Francis, why did Chris say is the best present that you’ve ever gotten him 

Francis: best present that I’ve ever gotten him? Um, Was it that time that I got a cake with his face on it. 

Chris: That was a good one. That was a good one. But I said at the discovery flight, 

Francis: damn, that’s a great question.

Chris: My initial response was 

Francis: gummy bears.

Chris: He has gotten me gummy bears, like twice in a row as a gift. 

Francis: I love it too. Look, you love it. 

Chris: Every single. I love it. Yeah, absolutely. But I would have to say, aye, aye. Had to email Katharine. Uh, later today it was like, Oh my God, I need to change my answer already. Just remembered. He paid for a discovery flight for 

Music: me, for my birthday last year, 

Katharine: was that the one with the glasses incident?

Alana: And 

Chris: then it was like the whole drama where I had lost my glasses in the bottom of a pond. And so as a writer, what is it going to be able to do that? But, um, Yeah, he did give me a cake, um, for my grad, my birthday, my 30th birthday, 

Francis: my first birthday with him, I got artists like some artists from on Reddit to like draw a picture of him in a Baret and like, like French style.

And, uh, it got that overlaid on a cake for his birthday party. Okay. And he 

Chris: coordinated with my friends to like pick it up and, you know, celebrate it a party. So it was a big, first, big first for 

Katharine: us. Wow. Great. Cool. You love each other? Let’s go to the next question. Um, all right. So Allana, I asked Harley if he could delete one app off of your phone, what would it be?

Alana: Instagram. 

Katharine: Harley. What did you, what did you respond? 

Harley: I wrote a big, long response because I don’t know. What’s what I said. I don’t know, I wouldn’t do that. I would feel bad about

Katharine: It was such a highly response that I thought you might actually get it. 

Alana: That’s so funny that you hate when I’m on Instagram, who was like, Oh my God, you and your Instagram. Yeah. 

Harley: It’s only when you do it when we’re at like dinner or 

Alana: something. That’s true. Which actually, yeah, because now I’m so focused on eating.

Like I’m getting so hungry. Yeah. I guess you’re right. Yeah. Well that’s all right. Sweet answer actually. Oh, I love you. 

Katharine: Okay. Calm down. Okay. So Chris, if you could delete any app off of fruits, this is about what would it be? 

Chris: I would say.

Uh, I don’t, I don’t know what it’s called, but it’s whatever the video game, probably that he plays all the, uh, uh,

gems of war.

Music: I wouldn’t give 

Katharine: it to you. Cause he said he did specifically say whatever the game of the day, 

Chris: the game of the day for like the past, I dunno, three months or so I was going to say it was like a mix between, um, Like candy crush. And 

Francis: that’s exactly it. It’s like a match three game plus every G. It’s great. I love it.

For those of you listening to subscribe,

Katharine: subscribe to his Twitch channel. 

Alana: Is that our demographic? Oh my God. 

Music: Play this game

Harley: this week. Sponsored by red shadow. 

Katharine: Get so sponsors. Alice. That’d be great. All right. So Harley, what did a lot of say when I asked her if your spouse as a new Harley could have another occupation slash field of work outside of the one they have, what would it be?

Come on man.

That’s your answer. All right. A lot of, what is your, what did you respond? 

Alana: Oh, 

Music: really? 

Harley: I wanted to do something else besides my job. I would be doing it. 

Katharine: Oh, that’s a very astute response. Harley. 

Alana: You wanted to be a video game designer, 

Francis: but that’s hard. 

Alana: Yeah, I know. But you were like, Oh yeah, we’re talking in a dream world because that’s totally what you would love to be.

It was just be really difficult. Yeah. 

Harley: I was supposed to be something that I do while I’m 

Alana: working. Right. It’s like, if you can do any other job that wasn’t you, if I could switch to another job,

wait, so do I get the point or not? Unfortunately, 

Katharine: a zero. It’s a zero. 

Harley: My misunderstanding of the question. Yeah. No, that’s fucked you up. 

Alana: All right. I’ll take the L fine. 

Katharine: Look, I think he said like, if I had to pick another job, it would also be nothing. Like, I would love to never work like this is, I agree. At least on the right page, 

Francis: Jeff Bezos and just like not do Jack shit.

Like, 

Chris: I’m pretty sure he does shit. 

Katharine: That would just be like a docent somewhere. All right. So Chris, I asked Francis the same question. If Chris had, could have another job or occupation outside of the one that they have now, what would it be? 

Chris: Probably a pilot.

Harley: Just 

Francis: for Christo. 

Alana: No, no, take Becky. Come on. Can I get a point for Chris? 

Harley: Can Chris and I get a point. 

Music: Yes. 

Katharine: There’s a shadow game. What that Chris, what would be your other job? 

Chris: What would be my other job? Yes. 

Music: Yeah. Pilot. Okay. All right. 

Katharine: That is incorrect. 

Francis: I said FSOC or something related to 

Alana: Ford. 

Francis: We’ve talked about this.

Apparently you didn’t talk 

Alana: about it enough because me and Harley were like pilot. Obviously this guy wants to fly in the sky. 

Francis: I mean, that, that would be like a logic. I answer too. Cause like, that’s like that’s 

Chris: I know. I first I thought like I got the question wrong. Like I misunderstood the question 

Katharine: or you got the, you got it wrong.

Chris: I got the answer, right? Yeah. Like what? 

Francis: Anyway. 

Chris: There’s like something that like I would do, like in another life. And then something that I would do like with my learning thus far, and I would say pilot would be what I would do if I were in another life and FSL would be something that I would do with what I’ve learned so far.

Katharine: Okay. Um, alright. So Alana, I asked Harley, what was your first date? 

Alana: Uh, so our first date, I’m guessing me and Harley, not you and I Katharine. Um, 

Katharine: there was that one time in Nuremberg, you know? 

Alana: Uh, so our first date was we went to Tysons corner to watch. Yes, man. Um, his grandparents drove us because we didn’t have licenses.

And then we saw the movie and then we got ice cream at Coldstone. Uh, also found out that my mom stopped us on her first date because she came out of the same movie, happenstance with her friend. And then we went home. I think his grandparents just like came back and then picked us up. And that was the first date.

Katharine: When did you respond? 

Harley: I said we saw, yes, ma’am at Tyson’s mall and her mom stopped 

Music: us. 

Katharine: Yeah. You guys are really on the same page about that first date right down to the stocking. 

Chris: Really emphasizing that mom. 

Alana: Yeah. Yeah. I can’t believe he didn’t run after he saw my mom peruse out of that theater, the same theater.

We were just in with her friend and then say, wow, I didn’t know. You guys were here. I’m like, mom, I told you, you helped me get ready for my date. Are you an insane person? But anyway, it would be one of many stockings from my mother. She stalked me too many things over the course of my life. Yeah, 

Harley: we were talking to her recently and she, or maybe it was just me.

I, cause she was like, Oh, have you ever been to the hotel? You know, like where we had our, um, 

Alana: our prom at Cambridge. 

Harley: So have you ever been there? It’s, you know, it’s such a beautiful place. It’s a shame that they’re tearing it down or whatever. And I was like, you have been there, you start to a prom and she like denied knowing about it.

I was like, you were like hitting up the DJ to get certain songs played and 

Music: shit.

Alana: Yeah. It was a whole thing. Embarrassing. 

Katharine: Amazing. Okay. So Francis, who is your embarrassing crush?

Francis: Embarrassing crush. Uh, gosh, 

Music: um, 

Katharine: I was embarrassed for you when I read this answer. 

Francis: Well now I’m like, like this Chrissy, is it like my British soap opera guys? I don’t know. 

Katharine: Chris, what did you respond? 

Chris: I said, Rob Z. My brother-in-law. 

Francis: I don’t have a crush on Rob.

How dare you? Who the lies?

I don’t have a crush on him anymore.

Alana: Taking so long Francis. I thought that your embarrassing crush with Sonic the hedgehog and I was like, Whoa, but anyway, glad to hear that. It’s a person. 

Katharine: No, that’s hard. That’s hard. 

Chris: I would say like, it’s a crush. That’s not like he wants to sleep. Well, I don’t know. Maybe you’d want to sleep with him, but he’s like, he found him very attractive.

Uh, and I was just kind of shocked because I’m not a huge fan of my 

Francis: brother-in-law. Okay. There’s a lot to be, not a huge fan of he’s a Trump supporter. He lives in Wisconsin, um, XYZ. And also like nowadays he doesn’t look that hot, so it’s fine. Like it’s

Music: yeah. We, 

Katharine: we definitely, definitely believe you Francis. No 

Music: worry.

Katharine: All right. So Alana, what did hardly say is your most attractive physical quality? 

Alana: Oh, tits. 

Katharine: Yes. That is literally exactly right.

Music: Yep. All right. 

Katharine: Okay. Well that was easy. Um, 

Alana: thanks babe. Thanks 

Music: for having me that win.

Chris: I would say the competition is stacked against us. 

Katharine: All right. Save the jokes for me, Chris. All right. Uh, all right. So, Chris, what did Francis say is your most attractive physical quality? 

Chris: Oh, man, uh, depends on how many drinks he had when he decided to answer it. Um, I would say my chest 

Katharine: Francis, what was your answer?

Francis: It said chest hair 

Katharine: testing. Oh, you guys are very much

also. Um, yeah. I agree. Chest, chest hair. Super 

Francis: sexy. Yeah. I w I wasn’t, I wasn’t totally into it until I met Chris, but now it’s just like, 

Chris: now he follows a lot of Instagram stars that have tests 

Harley: for two days in a row. 

Francis: Yeah.

Alana: yeah. 

Katharine: So the next question is for Harley to answer, um, what did a lot of say you would think is her weirdest quirk? No, I’m sorry. Your weirdest work.

Harley: pretty weird, dude. 

Katharine: We’ll go for the weirdest dig deep. 

Harley: I don’t think I want to go that deep on a recording.

Francis: Harley’s Q 

Music: Anon. 

Katharine: Don’t even joke about that. Never flagged. 

Music: Great. Yeah,

Katharine: just, it helps. If you just say the first thing that comes to mind, don’t think too deep about it. 

Alana: Am I allowed to give him a hint? No, 

Francis: no.

Chris: It’s like candy land all over again.

Harley: You are weird around somebody for long enough. It all seems normal. So

I have no idea. I give up it’s an IDK from me. 

Katharine: Okay. A lot of what did you respond? 

Alana: I said, knowing a lot about random stuff, because he was raised by old people.

It’s your go-to like, why 

Katharine: are you weird? I know so many random things and you give us an example. I really need an example of this. 

Alana: Uh, I 

Harley: grew up with a huge cider press in my basement that was never used, but I did learn how to use it. Oh my God. 

Katharine: You’re the most talented person. 

Francis: What’s a cider press. 

Harley: It’s a, it’s you put apples in it and you push them up and then you can make 

Alana: cider.

Yeah. And also, so, and knowing a lot of random stuff about a lot of things is also a trade that his, uh, grandfather had his maternal grant father, which hardly is very similar to 

Harley: after his stroke, he would do shit like try and explain, like, this is what we think dark matter is. And I would be like, thanks, grandpa.

I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. I don’t even know if you’re like lucid enough to know, you know, what the fuck you’re talking about. This is 

Alana: amazing. Hardly this will like, you’ll ask a question like, Oh, what about this? And Harley, we’ll just pull a random fact and story of how he knows that fact.

And he just knows a lot of like random information. Yeah. 

Katharine: I cannot wait to visit your cider, press your cidery someday Harley. I have 

Harley: one, it was so old and it was definitely broken by the time we left the house. I don’t know what happened to it. They must have destroyed it. 

Katharine: Thank you for killing the stream.

Let’s move on. Um, all right. So Francis, what did Chris say is your weirdest court? 

Francis: Uh, he’s uh, he, he’s a ton to choose from, I guess I don’t even fucking know what he was my love of British soap, operas, gay storylines. Um, my love of the podcast, none 

Katharine: of this is weird. 

Francis: My love of plants. Um, 

Katharine: alright. That’s a, that’s a zero.

Um, Chris, what did you say? 

Chris: I said forgetting if you flush the toilet.

Katharine: That was so good. 

Francis: How dare you? 

Music: It’s 

Francis: the only, it’s only a weird quirk recently because of the housekeepers, but Jesus, it’s not just because of the housekeepers. 

Chris: Well, yeah, is it, I mean, it’s come up at least twice since the housekeepers have started, but it is something where also like, I will have come upon an unflushed toilet.

Francis: No, you have not. No. Yes 

Chris: I have. And you’re like, Oh my God. I had to use the bathroom while I was on our conference call. So I didn’t want to flush while I was 

Katharine: on the call. I agree with this. That’s 

Francis: the thing though. Like the bath, the bathroom is like right here and I, I get so subconscious. I’m like, even if I’m on mute, I don’t want to flush.

Like I need to like do it after I’m like off the conference 

Chris: call and then sometimes you’ll forget to do it. 

Katharine: Ever since there was like the Supreme court justice that got caught flushing oral argument, it has been a huge, like, 

Francis: so, so thank you. So this is cork is fine, Chris, how dare you shame 

Alana: me on Francis is about to edit all of this out.

Like be a question on the vinyl 

Chris: never happened. We’ll 

Alana: never be, it’ll just be Katharine way. And the next 

Katharine: question

system continuity. All right. So Alana, what did hardly say is the thing you’re most likely to go viral for?

Alana: Oh, my personal instinct is to say nothing. 

Francis: My first thing syncs to say HQAF radio. Yeah. 

Alana: I think my first instinct is to say nothing, but my secondary instinct is to say HQAF radio. That’s my final answer. 

Katharine: All right. Harley, what was your, 

Harley: I said something unintentional. The best things a lot of does are always by accident.

Katharine: I absolutely agree. That’s 

Alana: so that’s so true. Yeah. 

Chris: But that’s not HQAF radio. Zero points. 

Francis: HQAF radio is a pure accident. Like it’s 

Alana: a viral sensation that the world doesn’t know it yet. Are you on Francis? No. No, the world doesn’t know it. I guess 

Katharine: you lost him with the toilet flushing. Yeah. 

Alana: Look, I know I’m working on something big.

The rest of the world just hasn’t caught up yet, but anyway, I’ll take the L that rabbit. That’s fine. 

Katharine: Um, okay. So the next question is for Chris, I asked Francis what celebrity couple are you most? Like? 

Chris: I was about to say max and Andres, who are a celebrity? Uh, Instagram couple, but we’re not a celebrity Instagram couple.

And I would say Pete Buddha judge and his husband Chastin. 

Francis: Oh, that’s a good one. That’s a good one. That is a good one. Um, I did not say that nor did I say max or Andres. Cause they’re way too hot and too popular. I said George and Amal Clooney. Why? Okay. George charming white guy, a mall, a mall, a woman of color.

Very powerful, powerful couple here. Um, 

Alana: Francis, you’re not a woman though. You ain’t need to meet 

Katharine: like no, 

Harley: Francis is very powerful 

Alana: though. For instance is very powerful. That is for sure. 

Francis: We stand women of color, have power in here. Like she is built a built the name of herself. I’ve also like literally 

Chris: never heard either of us mentioned George and Amal Clooney in conversation.

Francis: That’s not true. That’s not true. George Clooney is like my celebrity crush. Like he’s like my celebrity dad 

Katharine: crush. Oh, Oh, 

Chris: a secret celebrity dad crash. 

Francis: He’s he’s aged like fine wine. So. All right. Next question. Okay. 

Katharine: Yeah. I mean, I would say that Amal and George are, um, uh, 70 couple, I would aspire to be like, so I agree.

Like throw 

Alana: it out there, man. Put it in. 

Chris: Like what we’re like we’re more like, like literally Pete Buddha judge was. Riding a bike share bike. 

Music: Agreed. 

Katharine: I would’ve gone for like, I would’ve definitely gone for the nerdy bureaucrats, but 

Francis: I don’t think we’re like them though, but 

Katharine: you’re much cooler. I would say you’re much cooler.

I don’t know. Um, okay. So Harley, what is the thing that a lot of things you’re most likely to end up in jail 

Alana: for 

Harley: illegal downloading of media? You wouldn’t download 

Francis: it. 

Harley: I might download it. Great. If I could download a whole car, that would be so sick. 

Music: Can you imagine? 

Katharine: Okay. All right. So you’re thinking big.

I like that 

Chris: side. Now I have a story for offline about this, but

Francis: for real, what’s the story. I wonder. 

Alana: So I knew that we were going to lose this round, um, because yes, Harley would never go to jail for anything. And I thought about, uh, texting you Katharine and saying, in what context, like in real life or in a make-believe world, like, because, uh, you know, the, the answers would vary, but I decided it’s not that serious Alana.

Oh my God, you don’t have to go and fact check everything and like understand the entire context. So I said being too handsome, 

Katharine: that’s why you would go to, you did exactly what you needed to do. You snuck a little, like a little compliment in there. 

Harley: Download stuff. I don’t actually do that. I’m too lazy.

It’s too much of a pain in the ass to illegally. 

Alana: Harley is a very good law abiding citizen. I mean, truly like I would never go to jail. That’s why I went the silly route with like being too handsome. Harley’s 

Katharine: like dear FBI, man. I don’t actually 

Harley: FEI. I think the statute of limitations on the last time I did that is actually passed.

It has been that long. 

Katharine: So. All right. So let’s see Francis. I asked Chris if Francis could only eat one food for the rest of his life, what would it be? So what did Chris respond for you? 

Francis: Pizza rolls. 

Music: Ooh, 

Katharine: Chris, what did you say? 

Chris: That was, that’s a good answer. I should have put that. I almost put microwave burritos as well.

Um, but I said already, 

Music: Oh, 

Harley: those are all good because there’s a lot of different kinds of Oreos. There’s a lot of different kinds of pizza 

Alana: rolls. 

Katharine: You can live forever either one of those. 

Chris: Yeah. Pizza rolls definitely should have been at though. That’s that’s Francis is right 

Katharine: mouth of steel. Cause whenever I eat pizza rolls, it just burns the shit out of my mouth.

Chris: Like, okay. You got to have some self-control Katharine and not, yeah. 

Katharine: I’m sorry. Could you, could you say that word again? Okay. 

Music: She house

Katharine: I’ll look it up later. 

Alana: Also part of the pizza experience is just burning your mouth. So I don’t really know. Well, maybe because I also lack self-control but also I just thought that was part of the eating experience. So that’s, I mean, you 

Chris: need to be reminded three days later that you indulge in pizza rolls when you feel the roof.

Katharine: Okay. So Allana, I asked Harley if Alana was on, who wants to be a millionaire? Who would their phone? A friend B

Alana: depends on the category. I hope that you pick your 

Harley: phone a friend beforehand. 

Alana: Oh, really? Yeah. And I’m guessing Google isn’t. It has to be a person.

I love Google now, now that I understand her, 

Katharine: not yet. 

Francis: Yeah, no. If only, um,

Alana: it would either be Patrick or Francis. I’m going to say Patrick, because I always call him, uh, at random times, not necessarily as in a phone, a friend situation, but I feel like, I don’t know. He just knows a lot. I envisioned like either a math or a history question. I’m sorry, Francis. 

Katharine: I mean, the answer should definitely be, be me.

Um, I should be your photograph, but Harley, what did you respond? 

Francis: Her brother, Patrick. Oh my God. I’m not offended though. Like Patrick is a smart dude, so like I’m, I’m like totally okay with you doing that. 

Alana: I’m glad I got the point and not in, uh, in place of ruining two of my friendships just now.

Katharine: I mean, my answer would be Chris, so 

Alana: yeah, Chris is also very smart. I have very intelligent friends. So thank you for understanding that I would call Patrick, but it’s not, 

Katharine: you’re the smartest because you have, you just run yourself by really smart people. So that makes you the smartest. 

Alana: That’s very sweet, but I also think it’s just the acknowledgement that I have no idea what I’m doing.

So that’s why I surround 

Music: myself with smart people. 

Katharine: Oh, okay. Okay. Your, your baby energy that you talk about. 

Alana: Big baby energy. Yes 

Music: BBE. 

Alana: Okay. So Chris. 

Katharine: What did Francis say what you are most likely to go to jail for?

Chris: I would never go to jail. Like I’m such a goody two shoes, 

Katharine: please. Don’t incriminate yourself. 

Alana: We are on a recorded line. I just want to remind everyone 

Katharine: we are, 

Chris: this will be posted. Uh, Oh gosh. Like, um, Like being too good looking. I like, I know

Francis: being criminally attractive and I do want to preface this because like, um, so like literally not a week ago, Chris was like, we were talking about how one of our neighbors got a parking ticket because he was out of compliance with city city ordinance and Chris, his response to that was like, Oh wow. I feel so good about being in compliance with the law.

Like he was never going to jail. Super excited about, about being like, like the goody two shoes. I 

Chris: love being up to date on her and action sticker. Like. Oh my God. Yeah. I could never think of like a thing that I would, yeah. Oh, wow. 

Alana: Francis. I love that. We love our men in very similar ways. Like we love chest hair.

We love LA law, abiding citizens. Like we love that they’re handsome. Like we just love our spouses in the same way. And I love that. 

Katharine: It’s so beautiful. Love is real love is really off. All right. So Harley, uh, what celebrity couple are you most like 

Harley: any celebrities? 

Katharine: I’ll accept it.

Music: Yes.

Harley: They’re not celebrities in their own 

Francis: world. 

Katharine: Sonic and tails. You mean Quillin and pan? Hello?

Do you want to share what you responded? 

Alana: Yeah. I said, we don’t follow celebrities. We don’t know them. We don’t care about them. Like I said, IDK or N a. Yeah, that was really, yeah. 

Katharine: Not applicable. Amazing. Oh my God, what great synergy. 

Chris: I feel like that’s a negative answer. Like

Alana: any celebrity, so they still 

Katharine: post on the same thing, 

Chris: but two negatives equal a 

Alana: positive actually. Wait, what celebrity couple would we like audience or co-host? I truly like, cause I don’t follow celebrities. Like if I knew them, maybe I’d have an opinion, but I truly don’t know. Do you guys know celebrity couples that we are similar to?

I don’t feel like we’re like any of them, 

Francis: the main characters from the big bang theory, 

Alana: I’ll have to Google them. No, no, no. Okay. Maybe like 

Katharine: a, is there like a Twitch? Like, I feel like it would have to be like a social media celebrity or 

Alana: something.

Chris: This is one that we need to rest on and then do an addendum to the episode a little bit. Yeah. I’ll um, I’ll sell some mags. Let’s see. We’ll read some people. 

Katharine: Okay. So Francis, what is the thing that Chris said you’re most likely to go viral for 

Francis: my terrible singing. Wow. 

Chris: Francis 

Katharine: show him. 

Music: Read it out 

Chris: Q a AF 

Alana: rating Francis.

How dare you. Dare you. Second. I second that 

Chris: on this podcast, 

Katharine: the army, 

Music: I answered it correctly. 

Francis: It was like, Oh, 

Chris: we got this one. When I heard that. I’m like, Oh 

Alana: yeah. When brands is obviously a lotto, I was about to say nothing and brands like you’re right. You’re right. Bay. We’re working towards something here.

Like, this is incredible.

Chris: Like it for the rector that he did acknowledge his singing as terrible, however did not help us in this case.

Katharine: Um, all right. So Harlan has 22. And Krantz, this has, uh, 15, no 16. 

Alana: Oh my God. We’re crushing it. Harley damn. Look at that. 

Katharine: And we are almost done. So let’s see, let’s go back to Hurley at a Lorna, um, Harley. I asked a lot of, if you could eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? 

Harley: I would say it was just one thing forever.

It would be sad. 

Katharine: No, I’m depressed. 

Harley: Well, you can have so many things in cell itself. That means like egg salad. 

Katharine: All right. All right. Well, what did you respond? 

Alana: Biscuits and gravy, 

Harley: we’ll just get some gravy. You can only do so many permutations 

Alana: and obviously in a world where you can only one thing is a nightmare in and of itself.

Harley is such an appreciator of food. And I know that, and I knew that going in, but I thought this is obviously a make-believe world and I thought it would be biscuits and gravy, but all right, I’ll take it. 

Katharine: Okay. So Chris, if, if you were on, who wants to be a millionaire, who would your phone a friend be?

Music: Oh, 

Chris: uh, I would say, I would say my friend Erica. 

Francis: Oh my God. Oh, okay. So we actually talked about this cause we, uh, binge-watched uh, who wants to be a millionaire and. 

Chris: Oh, is it Jason? 

Francis: Yeah. You know, 

Chris: I was thinking about Jason. 

Francis: I almost said Danica. Erica was the closest was a close one, but I thought Jason was like, Jason’s 

Chris: wife.

Yeah. 

Francis: Damage. They’re one of the same 

Chris: couple I should have said, Jason. Yeah. 

Katharine: I did say that flattery could get you everywhere because as the final judge. Oh, 

Chris: I see. Oh, I should’ve said Katharine and 

Music: we would’ve gotten 

Katharine: those things about myself. 

Francis: That lighting is good. 

Katharine: Okay. So you complimented the lighting, but not me.

All right. 

Chris: Damn the lighting accentuates the natural features. 

Katharine: Okay. 

Music: Plus five.

Let’s 

Katharine: see. So Harley, I asked a lotta what is your favorite thing about yourself, about you Harley Harley? What is your favorite thing about yourself? 

Harley: Is there a thing about myself high sleep, so good. Is it about sleep? Oh, well 

Katharine: that is, that is a brag. Really 

Harley: good at sleeping and I love doing it. 

Katharine: Alana, what did you say?

Alana: That is a really good answer. So I say that Harley knows a lot about video games and computers and likes being the go-to person. Cause it’s both his passion and his hobby. And so I felt like, Oh, you know, Harley likes just sort of like being in the know of all things in that arena and therefore any likes helping people.

Um, I do know that sometimes it annoys him that I advertise his services to everyone. I know even like whispers that they might have a computer issue, but I do think he likes it. So that’s what I put, but sleep is also a good answer because Harley is the best sleeper I’ve ever met. He can sleep anywhere at any time and it’s pretty incredible.

And I’m jealous. 

Katharine: Okay, so Francis, same question. What is your favorite thing about yourself? 

Music: Hmm. 

Francis: Um, I guess I’d have to say, uh, I guess I pride myself on my creativity. Like more than other things. 

Chris: It’s crazy to me with his hair, 

Francis: my hair, my hair. This is like recent. This is like this past year. I know I struggle with that, but like 

Chris: you touch your hair all the time.

Like you are constantly looking 

Francis: yourself. Look how long it is. I have to touch my hair. That’s like this. I know, but you’re 

Chris: constantly looking at yourself in the 

Alana: mirror. It’s so funny. Cause I was just thinking about how, uh, you’re super creative Francis. I was saving him for the gratitude episode. Um, and I’ll save it for that gratitude episode, but yeah, I was just like, wow.

Brandon is so creative. Like he comes up with theme songs. He comes up with graphics. He’s a very creative person. 

Chris: I was thinking along those lines, but synthesize it into a word. And that was like, Chris was 

Katharine: playing to win. 

Harley: Creativity has some of the same letters

Katharine: and yet nobody’s complimenting me on my 

Music: hands.

Katharine: Okay. So Alana, what is your, what did Harley say is your favorite thing about yourself? 

Alana: My favorite thing about myself. 

Katharine: Remember through Harley’s eyes 

Alana: through. Yeah. I mean, well, so, 

Music: okay. 

Alana: My period thinking about myself, you’re hardly, so I think it would be my creativity or like writing. I’m very passionate about writing.

Um, yeah. I’m going to say that 

Chris: it wasn’t your boobs.

Francis: Yeah. That’s not what a 

Harley: lot is most proud of. 

Music: Yeah. I would say, yeah, 

Alana: like creativity slash writing. Yeah. Harley, what did you, what did you respond? 

Harley: I said, I don’t know, but if it were her, I would be most proud of her work ethic and big brain illness. 

Alana: Oh, is that intelligence?

Your hair  

Katharine: it makes your hair look amazing 

Harley: for my hair.

Chris: Same Harley. Same. 

Katharine: So, in case you haven’t figured it out, I asked all of you guys the same question. So, Chris, what is your favorite thing or about yourself through Francis’s 

Music: life? 

Chris: Oh boy. Uh, my logical thinking,

no, he hates that 

Alana: Francis is making the funniest face, um, audience, 

Music: and it’s just

Francis: my humor. You’re awaiting this. 

Chris: Oh, I thought that said whiteness for a second.

Francis: I really 

Alana: appreciate my privilege. Oh my God. My love that 

Katharine: go to any restaurant and get a seat. 

Alana: Actually, I think this is a point though, because Chris was talking about like his thinking and that’s fine. 

Chris: I think it does. I don’t think it gets a point because I was like, I associate that with like logic and kind of like sense like way of thinking versus humor, which I think humor would have 

Alana: more.

Francis: But do you know who is witty here? Katharine Katharine. So Katharine is

Chris: She doesn’t win 

Katharine: out award. Did he give you guys the points that, you know, whatever. Thank you. I appreciate it. Finally, figuring out how this game works.

Very last question. So that was the end of the second and final round, and we have hard lotta with 22 points, a very strong beginning, but unfortunately just didn’t get there and cran SIS with 26 points because they finally figured out how to flatter the whole. 

Alana: Are you dead serious? Stop it. Yep. Well, this is Katharine show, 

Music: so

Chris: show for buy. 

Francis: And, you know, I 

Alana: went into this and I was ready to accept it, but then when we were winning, I was like, Oh fuck. Yeah, like I was feeling good. I was ready and committed. Like I had emotionally committed to winning. So now I’m a little pissed and I don’t know if I want to speak. Maybe you ever, 

Katharine: no, this is the meltdown that a lot of always has when she loses.

And one time we were playing a board game and she straight up, turned the table over and left. She said, I have to go home to my cat and left. So don’t be alarmed. This is very it’s usual. 

Alana: And I was in my late twenties. When that happened, you flip the 

Francis: table? Yes. You literally flip the table. 

Katharine: No, she flipped her stuff 

Alana: over.

Yeah. I flipped my stuff and I didn’t shove it. It was on wheels. So like I shoved it. So it wasn’t like, Oh my God, you know, whole thing. What were you planning? What was 

Francis: the board game? 

Alana: Oh, we don’t want to give them the shout out please. No, no, we’re not plugging work. And also we’re not plugging them please, but yeah, it was a game for a game time game.

We were playing a game, but anyway, fine. I’ll accept the loss. I suppose. We all learned a lot about each other. 

Katharine: Yeah. We learned that Chris is a vapid little bitch.

Music: LA 

Chris: LA loving. 

Music: That’s 

Alana: true. 

Katharine: Okay. So that, that’s it. Uh, thank you for attending the first ever newlywed game. HBF radio edition. 

Alana: Well, I loved it. I guess, you know, you don’t, you win some, you lose some. Here’s what I tell myself every day when these things happen. So one day it’ll just stick,

Music: but 

Francis: yeah, this was 

Alana: so much fun. Thanks, you guys so much for this awesome newlywed game. I’ve always wanted to play this and this was way more fun and the opportunity to turn it into content of course, made my heart sing. So thank you. 

Francis: And, and I will say it’s another way for us to celebrate your 30th birthday.

And I’m so glad that, um, that you enjoyed this time together with us. So yeah, it was, 

Katharine: yeah, this was actually a shadow birthday party. 

Francis: I know, for real. 

Katharine: Um, but wait Francis, isn’t it you’re in Chris’s anniversary coming up too. 

Francis: Damn girl. Yes.

Harley: You like forget you made such a face. 

Francis: I’m always surprised when people remember like anniversaries. Cause I had like never celebrated anyone’s anniversaries. So like other people, these are the only people I 

Katharine: know that got married in March. So, 

Alana: and I can’t believe that you’re surprised that Katharine would follow your storyline so closely, especially since it was a main component of the podcast and had 

Katharine: like a countdown at work at the time.

Like she, she talked about it 

Alana: a lot. I did Chris’s 

Francis: mom has like the date that Chris proposed to me. On her calendar, like just in her calendar to remind her every single year. Like that’s a lot, that’s a lot for me. Cause I would never celebrate that. 

Alana: Wait, is it, um, March 4th, 2018.

story for a very long time. I think I’ve even wished you guys like a happy engagement anniversary before in the past, because I’m a weirdo, but yeah, of course I’ve been following very indefinitely and I know the first time you guys met at each other was January 25th of 2016. Check the tape Alonda 

Francis: was there though.

I’m like, I don’t blame her at Harris Teeter. 

Music: Yeah. 

Alana: Oh, I didn’t even tell a story. Yeah. About, uh, how I decided to date Harley, because he made me laugh so hard. I peed my pants, but anyway, that’s fine. I wasn’t prepared for that question. I don’t know why you figured that’s a question that comes up on these things, but I was just 

Katharine: trying to convince me that you didn’t cheat.

Alana: No, I’m just, well, I’m trying to convince you that I should win and that I wasn’t prepared to go first in talking about my backstory, but no, it’s okay. I’ll accept the L and I’ll see you later tonight. Off-camera but 

Katharine: you know, you guys did get the closest answers to each other. I think that really says something.

Alana: Also. We literally one, because Chris admitted that he didn’t even get that one. Right. But anyway, 

Katharine: no, one’s keep holding back. Check this. If I say zero on that. If, if we do some revisionist history, Oh yeah. Then you do win by one point. Ooh. Should we go with the alternate timeline? 

Francis: I don’t think so. No, 

Alana: absolutely not.

Katharine: Actually that’s the real winner. Yeah. You guys got 47 points. It was amazing. 

Chris: Hi. Yeah. 

Francis: Harley Charla, Quinn.

Katharine: Harley 

Alana: Harley, Chris, whatever. 

Francis: Charlie, Charlie.

Alana: That’s the end of our show. I’m 

Francis: Alana Francis. Find us on Instagram at HQAF dot productions. We post every other 

Alana: week and you can find us on Apple podcasts, Google play Spotify, or wherever else you get your podcasts. 

Francis: And until next time, the 

Music: best ship to sail on is friendship.